How do I stop cosleeping?

[CluelessMummy13]

My LO is 3 months old and we’ve been cosleeping since he was 2 weeks old out of necessity. It allowed me a little more rest during the hourly cluster feeding. However 3 months on, he’s still waking hourly and I’m hating cosleeping. Half the time he just wakes to suckle himself back to sleep. I often try just holding his hands or placing a hand on his chest before letting him suckle but it only sometimes works to resettle him.

How do I stop cosleeping? He’s never slept in his next to me crib and my partner has never successfully been able to rock him to sleep either - only I’ve been able to. He won’t accept a dummy.

Helppp!

You just have to be persistent. This is the problem with cosleeping, it might get you a few more hours sleep initially but creates ingrained habits that are much harder to reverse further down the line. I’m not judging; newborns are exhausting beyond belief. Feed him, put him in a baby sleeping bag, rock to sleep, put him in the next2me. If he wakes, rock to sleep again and put him down. He’s too little for any sleep training or ‘shush pat’ in my opinion 3 months old still need holding.

What was the necessity? Are you sure it wasn’t him just not wanting to settle? I think You just need to stop and go cold Turkey. They aren’t born with habits. He’ll be fine. Put him in a next to me crib so you can touch and sssh him. Does he wake starving? Or just wanting you?

from about 7 weeks old, my boy would not settle after the 3am feed, and for an easy life I’d keep him in bed after me. After 3 weeks I realised I needed to change things. I made sure I had no plans in the day, and just was brutal and put him down. He was fine.

your boy will struggle as he’s used to having you there. But he will be fine I promise. Do you think he’s waking up to suckle because he’s hungry, or for comfort?

@Mammamia23 The necessity was my sleep deprivation and the fact that he’d wail as soon as he was placed in his next to me or wake 20 minutes later. He’s a very very light sleeper. Sometimes at the start of the night I rock him to sleep then place in my bed once deeply asleep and he still wakes up, regardless of how careful I am. So I worry he’ll do the same if I place him in his next to me too. He’s incredibly hard to transfer.

has he always been like that, or could he be entering sleeping regression? Yes that is The problem with co sleeping: you do it to save your sanity, but creates bigger problems, as both you and them start to get very used to it. Babies can be hard to transfer. I used to transfer him and keep holding him for about 5 mins, or transfer him and hang over him with a boob in his mouth.

i personally didn’t want to be in a position where I continued to be sleep deprived, and I certainly didn’t want him waking each hour so I was just strong and put him in his crib and it was fine. You can still have a hand on them and ssssh them all the time

@Mammamia23 Yes he’s always been difficult to transfer but it’s harder now than when he was newborn so definitely kicking myself for not persevering sooner. He can roll onto his side and sometimes onto front now too so I can’t swaddle. He’s never slept more than 2 hours since he was a newborn so not sure if this is regression.

Sometimes he wakes before his feet have even touched the mattress. Maybe he’s just not deeply enough asleep then but during the day, his sleep cycles are only 30 mins so if I leave it too long, he’s then near the end of a sleep cycle haha.

I would recommend reading the e-book Precious Little Sleep -- lots of information about baby sleep and several different methods to help babies learn to sleep more independently. I used it to help both my babies learn to sleep in their cots. Worked well! Good luck!

Who knows. We started co sleeping at around 3 weeks and are still co sleeping age 2.8.

I can’t imagine not having him next to me now!

Is it something your desperate to do now? Mine was in the cosleeper til about 3 month when sleeping took a dive. We then co slept til about 8 month and then he started going in his cot.

No advice on how to do it if you want to. Just to say if you're trying to make the change because you feel you have to then ignore those pressures. Just do whatever feels right for you.

I appreciate it's not the best night's sleep while cosleeping though and my first night in my bed without him was lovely! I'm just quite a lazy mother so I did whatever I could for an easy life, and still do.

I would keep cosleeping till he's a tiny bit older. You think you'll get more sleep but you won't if he's in his own crib! The 3-4 months mark was awful with my first. I was desperate too and sleep trained him at 4 months. He's 4 years old now and I still regret it. He slept better but I wonder at what cost to him emotionally. It's very short term gain for looooobg term worry.

You're tired, this phase is awful anyway! Make sure you have more help around the house and rest/sleep as much as you can.

I agree, how desperate are you to stop? Do you know that stopping cosleeping will stop him waking frequently? BF babies often do.

I battled for months with my first. I kept getting told she should be sleep be sleeping in a cot so for months I tried everything and then kept going back to cosleeping because it worked and we both slept. If she woke up, I'd offer her a boob straight away (both lying down) and then we'd both go back to sleep.

With my second I accepted cosleeping from the start. I had far more sleep with 2 under 2 than I had with my first because I didn't spend months up and down, pacing, rocking, swaying, feeding, not feeding, trying a dummy, etc

At 12 months I moved him to a double mattress on the floor and continued to feed to sleep but then got up and left him. It worked so much better for us.

Just to add I haven't done anything at either stage to get him to move on, see laziness, he was just ready when he was ready. I went from the most delicate attempts putting him in his cot after feeding to sleep to suddenly just being able to put him down in the dark and he goes to sleep by himself.

I wish I hadn't spent to much of my time worrying about what I should have been doing. What you should do is just whatever you want to do, nothing else.

@mafsfan I hate cosleeping. I’m a poor sleeper myself - even pre-baby - so I find it hard to sleep so close to him. Every move he makes I wake up and every move I wake, it wakes him up. I wonder if he’d sleep better not next to me but on the other hand, if he did still wake the same amount, it would be more hassle him being in his crib as on a good night, I can quickly fall back to sleep after sticking my boob in his face. It’s still very broken sleep (every hour) but it’s probably still more than if I had to rock him every hour. It’s so hard to know what to do. I wonder if I need to stick it out for another few months then try sleep training. I never thought I’d want to sleep train but I’m so desperate now. I’ve just been diagnosed with PND and I’m so sleep deprived.

@beonmywaythen What method of sleep training did you try? And if you don’t mind me asking, why do you regret it now? I’m not sure which/if any would work for my LO. He’s awful at daytime sleep too - will only sleep with constant movement in a sling. So I’m just sceptical about anything working.

@CluelessMummy13 Sorry to hear about the PND. I hope you start to feel better soon.

I suppose might have to decide whether you want to break it now, or if you can fully embrace it for a few months. I don't have any advice for breaking it - as I said, I never managed it! But I did end up loving sleeping with them both. The early months are hard whichever you choose though because the wake ups can be so frequent. I always used to think that I'd rather they woke up every hour and were next to me than every hour and I had to get up - but obviously you don't know if the wake ups would get less! I'd say it's risky assuming that at 3-4 months though.

If you can embrace it, it might relieve any anxiety of wake ups and doing the wrong thing or creating bad habits or being stuck like this forever. I would try to accept that the boob solves pretty much everything and offer it at first murmur. I'd also try to cosleep for naps if you're in the house because you might find you get more rest.

Your DH sounds great if he's tried rocking him to sleep. If you try continuing with cosleeping, maybe ask him to take your DS out for a decent walk at the weekend and try catch up then.

I'm sorry if that's no help. I hope you find what works for you!

I did essentially cry it out but they told me it wasn't. It was. It was horrible and I feel so so guilty about it, but I was desperate and tired and a first time mum. He cried for 2.5 hours the first night and it was like lions were eating my intestines listening to it. After that he "slept so well" he wouldn't cry even if he was sick. Really what had happened was he learned he couldn't rely on me for comfort. It was so so awful. I feel like I've been able to make amends now but I'll always feel guilty.

My second time around I coslept till she was 12 months and then did Little Ones. I definitely recommend it as a gentler method that was more "good sleep tips".

My DD started waking every hour or less just before she turned 3 months, I had her sleeping in a next to me and after about 4-5 weeks I turned to bed-sharing from about 3am onwards to survive and it eventually became all night bedsharing which compared to the alternative was just wonderful.

Personally, I do not agree with some of the comments essentially saying co-sleeping is a bad habit, I think that's nonsense. You just need to do what works for you and your child.

If you feel that your baby might sleep better in a cot, you could try to put her in a cot, maybe give it a few days or a week and see how you get on

3 months is still so little, so please don't feel you've made a rod for your back with co sleeping so to speak, and have to try sleep training or similar. You can achieve this gently over the next couple of weeks working on one thing at a time. Personally I would start putting him in his crib for his first nap of the day from tomorrow. Usually this is the most reliable nap of the day - so get him to sleep with a feed on your bed and then roll him in to his crib. Keep your hand on his body for a couple of minutes until you're sure he's asleep then you can get up. If he even sleeps in there on his own for 5 mins that's excellent! It'll get better and better, and over the next couple of weeks you'll feel confident putting him in there for every sleep and he will sleep longer and longer. In the night when he wakes for feeds you'll be doing exactly the same once he's dropped off. Before you know it he will be sleeping in his cot and crib reliably for the first stretch of the night and all day naps. Hang on in there OP!

I co-slept with both of my 2 for about 9 months. They wouldn't be put down so I breast fed to sleep lying down the whole time. Then I made the straight change to cot. It wasn't easy...tears etc but we got there. They become better sleepers over time. Second one was more difficult because she didn't let me move away from her on the bed (not comfortable for me and she liked to be close) and she didn't have a dummy to help settle her. You find a way.