Am I a terrible parent? I bribed my ds to use the potty!

[moodywren]

I have been trying to potty train my ds for months to start with he did quite well.
He used the potty quite a few times then all of a sudden seemed to take a strong dislike for it and refused to have anything to do with it or the toilet. I didn't push it thinking it might put it him completely, just suggested he sit on it every now and again but he refused completely.
Today he told me he wanted to wear 'Bob the builder' pants so I told him he had to use the potty. He said NO and I said go on if you do a wee on the potty I'll give you a sweetie.
He promptly sat on the potty and weed. So he got his sweet and then used the potty lots of times today demanding a sweet afterwards. What have I started? He might use the potty but he'll end up with rotten teeth! How do I stop giving him a sweet each time he goes?

I think it's a good way to start (we used chocolate buttons) - maybe progress onto a star chart? He might see that as as much of a treat as a sweet.

My boy got a chocolate penny for a wee and a Thomas the tank engine mini-train for a poo for the first week of potty training. Now he gets a Cadbury's Mini-Egg for a poo and a POUND (!) for staying clean and dry all day.

It works... Once he's got the hang, he'll stop demanding the sweets. Just make sure you do the short sharp shock method rather than the long-drawn-out training method!

What with - chocolate drops

I gave him white choc buttons, dh was giving jelly babies although I am sure dh ate most of them. Have tried the star chart b4 but it didn't work at all.

What really got me was he's refused to use the potty for so long and when I mentioned a sweet he sat there straight away and did a wee. I had thought perhaps he didn't understand what it was for but he obviously does. And when I put his nappy back on so we could eat dinner without worrying about accidents he told me he had done a wee in his nappy.

Use stickers as an incentive instead?

Oh god, I did this and it was fine - don't sweat it! Just do it to start with and then swap to 'you can have one after tea if you do all of your wees and poos on the potty today' and eventually you tail it off.

I didn't stress about it at all - whatever works for you.

Another vote for bribery here. I did one Smartie for a wee and two for a poo, plus a star chart (maybe overdid it by doing both! ). Worked like a dream and we've never gone back.

You can tail it off really quite quickly once they get the hang of it. I think we had a couple of weeks of treats every time, then just treats for poos for a bit and now nothing. Am thinking of resurrecting it to encourage dd to make it all the way up to the big loo rather than stinking out the living room every time with her potty!

Mind you, she told me her big tooth hurts today ...

I used bribary. I gave my son a bit of easter egg every time he did something in the potty. I got him off the sweets by a don't offer don't refuse approach.

I used choc buttons to bribe my ds. At first it was as soon as he did anything near the potty, then only if he did things accurately on the potty, then only once he had done a wee or poo and pulled his pants and trousers up, then I added on that he had to wash his hands before he got his reward. In the end the list was so long he often forgot and gradually the need for choc just tailed off.

Hands up those who DIDN'T use bribary.... see not many.

I used a normal size smartie for a wee and a giant one for a poo. It just trailed off they seem to forget about asking for the sweet once the novelty wore off.

I have been telling my son for weeks that if he wee on his potty he'd get a chocolate button and two for a poo. He is not trained yet but he now regularely asks for the potty, and he sits on it and wees and poos, and he gets a chocolate as promissed. He also gets lots of clapping and praise. We are planning to potty train him fully within the next couple of weeks. I think that it's a good thing to associate positive reward with a positive action, and there's nothing wrong with a sweet once in a while. But it will have to be replaced at some point I suppose! My MIL is dead against the idea though!!

I bribed ds to put his shoes on yesterday with one of mummy and daddys special chocies.

Thanks for all your messages I don't feel quite so guilty now.

It seems to be working although I am going to have to go shopping as we're going though loads of sweets this morning and I lost count of the number of times he's been on the potty.

Should a dribble in the potty count for a sweet?

I'm another one who used chocolate buttons for a bribe. And this from a parent who had NEVER given her DD sweets before (oh how my principles crumbled in the face of peed in pants....)

She asked for them for about four weeks then gradually gave up.

But she was potty trained almost immediately.

And yes, I think a dribble in the potty should count for sweet - better in the potty than in the pants!

I do sweets, now doing my third with the same method. I gradually cut down on the amount offered. For the first day, even a dribble is rewarded. Now we are on day 5 and he will get a sweet if he keeps his pants dry until lunchtime for example. I'm still having problems with poos tho, so a little smartie cake is the reward for poos. He also got to choose pants that he wanted for day 3.

Bribery definately works so dont knock it!! I used jellies and progressed to stars...whatever works go with it and before too long your DS will need bribing less and less!!
Good luck.