No settling in reception after 6 weeks!

[Emh80]

Hi everyone,

My son started reception in September. First couple of weeks were fine but then he started saying he didn't want to go to school and now cries at the school gate everyday. His teachers say he is doing fine once he is at school but this cannot go on like this. He says he has some friends but then says those friends sometimes hurt him , spit at him ... but he is 4 so sometimes we don't get the full storey. We have tried giving him stickers for being a good boy and not crying which lasted 3 days ... out of ideas and worrying he is miserable at school. He was fine at nursery (not attached to the school)

Anyone with some ideas on how to get him to overcome this?

I would suspect it is a phase. How are you responding when he cries? I would recommend, if you aren't already, to validate his feelings and not try to convince him otherwise, as that will make him feel alone with his feelings, like he can't express himself.

Be there for him through the hard feelings so he doesn't feel alone with them: "You're feeling really upset to go into school. Sometimes the kids (scare you/spit on you/whatever his narrative is). You're having a hard time. Come have a cuddle, I'm here for you. (Cuddles) Ok time to go in to school now. I know it's hard. I'll be here with more cuddles after school is done and you can tell me more about how you're feeling."

Perhaps pick up a copy of the book "The Invisible String" it's great for separation like this

Is he able to say what he’s upset about?

DD also started reception this year. First week fine and then started running after me and crying at drop off.

she was able to tell me that there was no one to tell her what to do once I’d left and she felt lost.

since then a TA or teacher has met her at the gate , taken her in and given her a job to do. Initially they had to close the door to stop her running out but within a week she was running in happily as she j ew what to expect.

it’s worth trying to get to the bottom of what is upsetting and how it feels to see if that can change.

they all have year 6 buddies to help them at lunch and to make sure they are involved in games in the playground if they want to be. Again that has helped as DD didn’t feel so lost whilst building up some friendships.

its Horrible seeing them upset isn’t it? Xx

Thanks for your comments and suggestions. Ordered that book ... fingers crossed it's only a phase.

Not judging at all as it must be hard but please don’t give him stickers for not crying. Expressing his emotions is not wrong and the suggestion that he needs to be a “good boy” and hide what he’s feeling isn’t the healthiest message to send.

I really hope things improve for you x

I’ve been there and it is soul destroying so massive sympathy. What worked for us was getting the teachers and TA on the case so she’d be met with an urgent job to help with to distract her at drop-off and in parallel really working on her friendships. So school suggested some girls who they thought would be a good fit friendship wise for my DD and they made sure they were grouped together and I set up play dates to cement the friendships outside school. It really gave her such a confidence boost and by Christmas she was running into school. Good luck and don’t be afraid to ask school for additional support.