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Parenting

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Original poster

'cherish every moment'

27 replies

toastandtea42 · 19/10/2022 13:50

People stop me in the street to tell me to 'cherish every moment.'

Does anyone else find this just SO unhelpful, anxiety inducing and places a huge heap of pressure onto parenting?

I find myself wondering if I'm cherishing the moment enough while I'm in the moment and then feeling guilty.

It's created a sense in me that I haven't got enough time and my baby's childhood is a ticking time bomb that's going to end 'in the blink of an eye' as people keep telling me it will.

I have guilt about having to work and missing time with my toddler at the moment but if I was being honest I'd say we spend some great quality time together, I don't really feel like i'm missing a ton. But then I feel guilty I should be there 24/7 in case I regret it when I'm older? Maybe I should quit my job and make sure to be home until he starts school just so I don't regret it and I've made sure to have 'cherished every moment.'

Could just do with some perspective from those wiser than me....

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Whitepouringglue · 19/10/2022 13:52

I completely agree. It's so unhelpful especially when you're feeling weary and rubbish. It's nostalgia speaking from people who treasure their memories.

I also hate blogs from people who write about the last time they make up a bottle, pick up their child etc.

Wolfiefan · 19/10/2022 13:53

It’s bollocks. When you have a baby screaming with colic or a toddler tantrum to end all tantrums. Nobody cherishes every single moment.
I would have to be severely medicated or lobotomised to even try.
Be proud of the tiny things you achieve each day. Hold on to the lovely moments and be kind to yourself as you survive the bad moments and enjoy the good ones.

theydontspeakforus · 19/10/2022 13:55

I think - as a parent of 1, and unfortunately unlikely to have another, that this is the exact advice I would give to a new parent. The first year especially goes by in a blur and yes, it's overwhelming and challenging and bloody hard, but those moments when you think "I better not sit here staring at them sleep / cuddle them / play with them too long as I've housework to do" - you will regret not doing more of that as they get older.

I didn't enjoy those comments as a new parent but as a not so new parent, if I could do it all again I absolutely would and I wouldn't give a shit about housework / showers / having to leave the house 5 times a day! I'd do more sitting and staring and cuddling!!

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Iheartmykyndle · 19/10/2022 13:56

Yeah it's bollocks. But often it's a misty eyed old chap who says it and it makes me feel sad he probably missed out on loads of his children and grandchildren and then I have to go off and cry.

Instamums who are cherishing every minute can get in the bin though.

MsTSwift · 19/10/2022 14:01

It’s just a platitude don’t “deep it” as my teens would say! You can’t “cherish” moments when you are in the thick of it. Mine are teens now and I look back and think thank fuck the baby /toddler stage is over! Sleepless nights / endless drudge / soft play - happy for that to be in the past!

DogDaysNeverEnd · 19/10/2022 14:04

You will cherish it, once it's long gone and the horrific reality has faded. 😂

Or maybe not, I look at my SIL and think she's living the baby/toddler years. I didn't, they were brutal. She might not be loving it either tbf.

Best advice is to pause and enjoy the rare golden moments, and with a bit of luck those are what will stand out for you in years to come.

Original poster

toastandtea42 · 19/10/2022 14:05

i understand what you're saying and only being able to do it once does make it seem more precious as you get one chance and that's it.

i do think about this. if i was certain he was my only i probably would quit my job but i'm hoping i'll be lucky enough to do it once more. there are no guarantees though and that does make me anxious.

i'm proud i did do a lot of staring and sitting in the early days.

but sadly nothing wonderful lasts and thats just the heartbreaking truth of everything in life, isn't it?

also can we not admit that a lot of toddler wrangling is really quite boring? will i regret finding some of it a bit boring? argh.

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Doona · 19/10/2022 14:07

When I see mothers of newborns, I feel really sorry for them. But I can hardly leap out and hiss, "God your life sucks, so sorry for you."

Those cherish the moment people are insane. Like, if they want, they can come by my house and cherish not sleeping through for months, the baffling bouts of screaming, the sink full of dishes. Or, they could eff right off. That's what I used to think. Looking back across the years, my opinion is the same..

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 19/10/2022 14:10

It’s just a throwaway comment. How do you actively cherish anything in the moment? It reminds me of a scene from The Simpsons where Homer is told “Squeeze every penny” so he gets a penny out and literally squeezes it as hard as he can.

Doona · 19/10/2022 14:10

Sorry toddler, not newborn! I only got cherish the moment for babies.

Doona · 19/10/2022 14:11

I suppose I would have taken it for sarcasm in the toddler years.

Beamur · 19/10/2022 14:14

Cherish every moment is rubbish advice.
Enjoy the good moments is perhaps more what most of us actually do...

Original poster

toastandtea42 · 19/10/2022 14:16

this is making me feel better thanks. glad i'm not the only one not cherishing every tantrum...

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Beamur · 19/10/2022 14:18

I certainly didn't cherish the broken sleep or the poonamis. Or the relentless repetition of Peppa pig.

surreyisik · 19/10/2022 14:18

I certainly do. Ds is having a growth spurt and cried the whole morning. I was about to join in and start a crying contest but then he fell asleep. Not a cherishable morning for me and definitely guilt inducing.

BuryingAcorns · 19/10/2022 14:19

I will happily swear on my DC's life that the people who tell you to 'cherish every moment' did not cherish every moment themselves.

I find it helpful to think in terms of making every day stuff fun - like telling jokes at bath time or noticing snails and cobwebs on the way to school. But you really are allowed to think your own thoughts, get annoyed sometimes. You're not a Stepford wife.

2020firsttimemum · 19/10/2022 14:21

I absolutely do not cherish the moments my 2 year old won't sleep, or demands a different bloody spoon because it's not right or the same nursery rhymes he's watched since he was a baby 😂

There are many things I do cherish, and I do soak in but no one enjoys parenthood and their children 100% of the time.

It's a dumb thoughtless comment yes, but I don't think anyone means harm by it. It's just annoying when you're in the midst of sleepless nights and being covered in baby sick 😂

Original poster

toastandtea42 · 19/10/2022 14:23

the more i think about this the more i think it's as toxic as 'think positive!" it's much better to say '"be mindful in life generally!" the positive and the negative, just try to present.

and with your kids try to make the everyday fun... like your suggestions @BuryingAcorns !!

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Reluctantadult · 19/10/2022 14:24

Personally I cherish the moments with my children more when I've been away from them a bit too! No way could I handle being a sahp, personally.

yerdaindicatesonbends · 19/10/2022 14:24

It’s about as helpful as people saying ‘it doesn’t get easier’ which actually happened when I had a colicky baby and was sleep deprived to the point of hallucination!

The older DD gets the more moments I cherish but you couldn’t pay me to go back.

JaninaDuszejko · 19/10/2022 14:26

My youngest once got so mad at me that he stuck his hands in his nappy and started throwing poo at me. Was that a moment to cherish?

Or the time one of my DC had a sick bug when I was pregnant and every time I tried to clean up the mess it made me vomit as well. Was that a moment to cherish?

So glad I have teenagers now.

Original poster

toastandtea42 · 19/10/2022 14:36

haha @JaninaDuszejko omg the poo !!

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Original poster

toastandtea42 · 19/10/2022 14:40

yes i actually feel i appreciate moments so much more because i'm not a SAHP @Reluctantadult

i met a woman at the library once who said she was practically depressed and skint because she wasn't working until her daughter was 4 and going to school because 'the time goes so quick'.

i often think about her and wonder if that makes sense, to do the 24/7 parenting and minimal nursery even though you're bored and miserable just in case you regret it...

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cptartapp · 19/10/2022 14:55

I went back to work pt at four and five months each time. I don't feel as though I missed out on anything. Certainly at that age, I didn't cherish clock watching and wishing the weeks away. Time went by so slowly.
DC are now 19 and 17 and the very best parts of parenting came much later.
I cherished my mental health, my life outside the home and my future pension as much as anything tbh.

ehb102 · 19/10/2022 15:01

Pah! A senseless platitude. Cherish the good moments. The others will over soon enough.

Key stage 1 is good but Key stage 2 is GREAT. If parenting keeps getting better, I'll be ready to go around again by the time the child is 20! I'll be a bit old though.

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