Calling parents of autistic (or other disabled) children with other children tok

[Bigfishlittlefishcardboardfox]

Hi,

Feel free to skip to the question bit…*

I have an autistic child and a neurotypical child. They are a year apart and the same sex. I work part time but in a relatively senior role - all the hours they aren’t with me, I’m working. DH works a very busy role too. It’s charity section so neither well paid for the level of stress although we are deeply committed to the ‘causes’. We live in an increasingly expensive area which we are tied to due to schooling needs. I’m exhausted all the time. We also have had family serious illness and a stressful work situation, as well as a friend having a breakdown who we’ve supported. DH definitely does his fair share but I’m the primary carer.

*The question is- how do I continue to meet my autistic child’s high needs whilst not neglecting my other child. Recently they have been clingy and tearful. It’s not like them. I feel like I need to up my game but I don’t have much to give. Unfortunately we aren’t eligible for respite (I have investigated!) but probably more of the issue (since I could arrange to leave the autistic child with DH) is my mental exhaustion.

Please give me tips for easy ways to connect (that doesn’t cost much!). I so want to up my game, but I’m also oh so tired from being ‘on’ for my other child - the meltdowns and negotiations and being playful and listening and visual supports and all the other stuff you become an expert in.

I know I’m being a pain but before you reply:

1)Please take it as given that whatever support we can access we already are and whatever support/therapy is possible for my autistic child we either have or (more likely) are fighting for!.

2. That you personally have an SEN child. I’ve spent my career supporting people. It’s very valid experience but it’s just not the same as 24/7 living it.

I’ve read that and been told whilst technically true, they won’t keep to it so I’ll end up having to go to appeal and it will take just as long (due to massive delays that no one holds them accountable for). The LA always send lawyers so I feel like I’d have to lawyer up and I don’t have the money. I contacted our SENDIASS months ago and they have yet to get back to me.

Some SENDIASS are good but many aren’t and repeat the LA’s unlawful policies. They receive LA funding so aren’t truly independent, they will ultimately toe the party line. IPSEA and SOSSEN are better. The SN boards on here are helpful too.

No doubt it was someone like the LA or school who told you that. As IPSEA and SOSSEN wouldn’t advise waiting. All waiting does is delay DC receiving the support they require. The waits for appeals are very long, but that is even more reason to apply now and not wait. Many LAs refuse anyway no matter what evidence you have and force parents to appeal.

The majority of appeals are upheld. You don’t have to have representation. Many parents are successful without. There are charities that can help and support from other parents. Also check whether you are eligible for legal aid.

I am you. Also divide and conquer here. Spend time 1:1 with each child whilst my husband or family have the other one. I'm lucky that family also spend time 1:1 with both children.

I also struggle with the mental exhaustion of it.

Also, school are talking nonsense about EHCP. Apply yourself. I also work in a school and understand why they have said this, but it just isn't true and doesn't mean you won't be awarded an EHCP.

IPSEA and SOSSEN offer great law based advice regarding the EHCP process and appeals to SENDIST. Our LAs send barristers but still lose 98.6% of appeals and nationwide LAs lose 95% so you should always appeal. If on Facebook Educational Equality is a good board for support and advice too, SENDIASS help varies from LA to LA, ours is partisan reluctant to bite the hand that feeds them.