5 year old makes himself sick during meltdowns

[redjoker]

My son has just started foundation year and over the last week or so i have seen a complete flip in his personality. he refuses to leave the house at weekends, has no desire to go anywhere or do anything (exhausted?) and is finding simple tasks completely overwhelming

Yesterdays example, we went to the shop after school to pick a treat as he had had a really good day and had been promised a treat as a reward for a good day at school. picking the sweets took 30min. I tried with all my might to take it slow. keep super calm, I could see he was viably struggling, the decision making process was completely overwhelming for him. I tried (even though some may think im mental, to be calm and slow and not add any pressure)

Eventually we did have to then leave and make a decision, this triggered what i can only call a meltdown, a complete loss of control. I had to physically manhandle him into the car to stop him from running and he became so worked up he made himself physically sick. during this time i was calm and trying to comfort, trying to encourage breathing and counting but i couldn't get him out of that moment. I had to call my partner to come and help me. I wont always be able to do that

I have a history of depression and seeing my child lose all control and get so agitated is making me spin into not wanting to function. How can I calm him in these moments? the internet is awash with advice but its so overwhelming

I have a similar child and i can predict what situations are likely to lead to them losing it (being tired is a major factor) and either avoid them of be very clear in advance what is going to happen when we are there and what will happen if they start acting up. Its very rare these days and usually my fault for not communicating something properly.

Regarding the sweets my tactic is to pick three items in the price point/ type of sweet I'm willing to buy and ask them to choose out of the three and not from the entire sweet selection in the shop.

You sound like you are being really passive in all of this and it sounds like he would actually benefit from the opposite approach, really clear boundaries and guidance if life is feeling really overwhelming for him at the moment.

I absolutely wouldn't have tolerated 30 mins choosing sweets, that's just feeding the anxiety and feelings of being overwhelmed.

Yes totally passive I agree, and I feel awful about it because you are right That I fed the situation. The more this goes on the more I feel slightly numb and non emotional (feeling like im becoming depressed again) so this is where my worries lie, that i don't have the strength for the boundaries.

I think I need to learn to not be afraid, as at the moment i feel like im walking on eggshells around him. I wish i had a better way to bring him out of that height of emotion when we do get there