3 years old fussy eater eliminating more and more food

[Lily7050]

My DS has become a fussy eater since he was around 2 years old. Until age of 2 he ate almost everything offered both and home and in nursery.
He would not eat roasted meat or chicken or baked fish.
He likes pasta of certain shapes. He was eating pasta with bolognese sauce with either minced meat or salmon flakes. This week he declares he does not like minced meat.
Because he does not eat a lot of fruits and vegetables I was trying to give him vitamins. He wont eat jelly type vitamins because he does not eat jelly. He can taste liquid vitamins if I add it to milk in his cereals so would refuse to eat.
Basically for breakfast he eats Sainsbury's Wholegrain Malties Cereal or Rice Pops. Often demands the same for lunch and dinner.
He was 25th centile when he was a baby but now he is just 9th centile according to the height chart in the red book.
I am worried that he might have some nutrient deficiency but not sure what to do. I cannot force feed 3 years old.
Should I contact GP or what do people do in such situations?

Mine was similar and I nearly posted on MN for the same advise. DD is 4.5 now and her fussiness has started to ease and she is slowly eating a wider range of food with less complaint.

here are some of the things that helped.

vitamin liquid just before teeth clean - fact of fact with a teeth clean straight after. That way I worried less about what was eaten.

pasta - if you can try and keep that in the mix with or without mince it’s a great way of getting veg in - peppers, tomatoes onion etc.

a smoothie every day

baked beans on toast counts as protein and a portion of veg.

getting her to help with cooking. And trying things along the way. Fruit skewers are fun and they are so busy arranging and talking about the colours etc that they don’t realise they are eating a range of different fruit

Getting used to the feel of food and the texture raw and then seeing it cooked somehow made her less weary of eating it.

Is there any food groups that he will eat? Could he help you make a pizza - decorate with pepper and cheese etc eating some along the way then eating it after?

Offer whatever is on the menu,if he eats it he eats it
Children won't starve themselves unless severe special needs.
So I would rule out behavioural reasons first,wouldn't hurt to go to bed hungry a few times.
And I'd put a stop to sugary cereal and the like.
Multivitamins are not a substitute for a good diet.

My extremely fussy almost 3 year old will eat raw plain tofu and not much else. Do you think your toddler would go for that? It's very bland (like boiled chicken breast, with a texture more like cheese) but its nutrient dense high in protein, fat and calcium.

The first thing I would say is keep giving him all kinds of food including ones he’s adamant he no longer likes. In my experience there are cycles with this kind of thing but they can become permanent dislikes if reinforced, and one thing I’ve noticed some people do is when a certain food is offered the parents will then tell the child ‘oh no you don’t like that’.

We use the ‘try everything at least once’ and that’s every time something is on the plate. If she doesn’t like it at that given time we dont make a big deal of it and praise DD for trying. She’s 5 now so we’re kind of past the trials you’re facing just now.

Kids will eat when they’re hungry, I remember being fairly distraught when she barely ate for a few days but then there would be a day where she wouldn’t stop. Try not to stress yourself out too much, you are doing a great job, keep going.

Nip it in the bud right now, if he doesn’t eat what he is given he does not eat at all. You will be saving yourself years of misery, not to mention worry about a tennager that basically lives on cheese and chips.

🙄

Crikey, the 1970s want their Health Visitors back. 🙄.

Is it textural? Can you split out the ingredients/ components so he can see what's in? Nothing hiding in a pesky sauce. Space between foods etc

Try not to stress. I know how upsetting it can be.

Basically for breakfast he eats Sainsbury's Wholegrain Malties Cereal or Rice Pops. Often demands the same for lunch and dinner.

Is that what he then gets?

What do you currently do? Cook whatever and tell him that's what's on offer? Cook whatever he wants? Something in between?

When my three year old asks what's for dinner, she declares she doesn't like it whatever I say. But once it's on her plate she's more reasonable - I'm assuming this isn't the case with your son, I'm just trying to get an idea of what the current mealtimes look like? Lots of cajoling? Cooking something else? Frustration/anger from either him or you? Flat out refusal to try what's on his plate? Tries it but says he doesn't like it and won't eat any more?

My DS does not drink smoothies or fruit juice.
I offer a meal, he refuses and says he wants malties, sometime rice krispies.
He used to eat baked beans with cheese, now refuses.
He would rather starve than eat a food he does not want. Once we picked him from the nursery after lunch, to drive up to north England, and one hour later when we stopped at services he was crying from hunger saying "I want bread". He still would not eat anything.
Some days he would not eat anything in nursery all day then in the evening demand 2 or even 3 portions of pasta.
He used to eat all pasta with sauce. Now before putting fork into mouth he demands to remove carrots, herbs, and finally the new thing to remove is meat.
I can try to refuse malties/ rice krispies but I do not want to starve him.
My nephew who lives in a different country, once did not eat for 4 days and got so weak that he could not hold a cup. He was not in the UK. I guess here if my DS gets to such state I will get into trouble.

I would say this is more about control than fussyness - but food is where he gets the control he is seeking.

I'd suggest a totally non food related approach and allow him to have some safe and simple binary choices in all he does - walk/ scoot trainers / boots etc and get him to understand that he can control some bits of his day.

Do you eat with him? Would you if you don't? Have the same but for example at breakfast have juice / smoothie and he has the plain cereal and make no fuss but just say how tasty yours is and if and when he's interested let him try some

Same at lunch - he has plain bread that's what he wants, you have the same bread but add in the nice bits on your plate so he sees you eating the same as him

Dinner he has plain pasta upu have pasta and sauce

This can take months - like 6-12 months to make food a complete non issue - but he will only starve if you turn it into a battle, ignore make it a non issue and calmly eat your similar meal with him and relax

It's not easy but worked for us - also offer high calorie snacks if you are worried about weight gain, so if others have apple - try apple and peanut butter or whatever you feel he'll eat but make it clear this
Is a snack and the meal is coming soon- it means you are tied to eating regularly with a toddler and is a pain in xxxx but my nearly 18 year old eats everything in quantities and is fit and healthy when he was 3 he had multiple food allergies- losing weight due to food refusal and about to start on build up drinks and then a drip with food - it's really tough but this works for us

Well he's not stupid is he.he gets sugary cereal for breakfast lunch and dinner.
I'd get rid of those straight away and offer a balanced diet.whether he eats or not is up to him

This^^

A reset is needed. I do have sympathy because my 4YO is like this and used to eat everything. We've had to go back to basics. This is dinner. There is nothing else. You have to try it but you don't have to like it. If you don't eat it there is absolutely nothing else. Going to bed hungry has worked.

The kids know I mean it. I would never give them anything that I know they really dislike.

Sorry that was a proper typo! You do have to try it but you don't have to eat it if you don't like it.
We always have vegetables on the table and we also get the kids to serve up their own plates. That helps also. I don't like it when people put food on my plate and it definitely helps when you let them choose what they want

Below is DS's nursery menu.
class="underline">Menu2021-%20APRIL.pdf 15day_Menu
Can I refuse cereals at home but he will get them in his nursery.
Has anyone tried to refuse to give the food 3 year old requests? If the child refuses to eat anything else, how long will you continue? Couple days or more?

The above link does not work and I cannot find how edit the message.
Here is the working link
Menu 2021

Menu 2021 is what the nursery children have had in 2022 as well.

I don’t know what to say other than he sounds like my three year old 😐

I couldn't read this without saying please don't despair!

I was the kid who would rather starve than eat something I didn't like. It took me a long time but I eventually got diagnosed with ARFID, I'm not saying that's what this is as toddlers are often fussy monkeys at times but my DM often said she was close to tears as people suggested time after time that she shouldn't offer me anything else.

My diagnosis came late (I was 16) but honestly, I applied the same logic as I would a fussy toddler to get past it. Basically whenever I cooked something, I had a backup of something I knew I liked (for a toddler I'd serve it at the same time).

So for example in your case i'd offer the pasta with a small bowl of cereal on the side (or a slice of bread or something you know is a sure thing he'll eat). Then you're confident he's eaten something without getting into a "I want something else" battle. He will probably eat the cereal, ask for more, at which point you can confidently say "no DS there's no more cereal tonight, you can have some more tomorrow" and leave him to it, he might try the rest of his food, he might leave it. Ignore ignore ignore and never comment on anything he's eaten/not eaten unless he mentions it. Just clear away at the end and rinse and repeat at each meal time. Hopefully you get to the point where he's eating a bit of both and you can reduce the amount of cereal each time.

Honestly the moment someone says to my toddler "why don't you just try a bite" I know it's a surefire way to get her to not even think about trying it.

If you have Instagram there are some good resources to help with this, you're not the only one (kids eat in colour is a good one off the top of my head).

Good luck and just remember for most toddlers this is just a short phase and he'll soon be eating you out of house and home when he's a teenager!

For many kids it’s about control. Unfortunately as soon as they realise they have power over you through refusing certain foods, you’re in a losing battle.

I would slowly start to get away from the idea of ‘good foods’ and ‘bad foods’ and of making a big deal out trying to get them to eat different foods.

Ignore what they are eating. Don’t bargain with them, or punish them. Give them a good choice on their plate (with a little bit of what you know they will eat and some other options) and remove at the end of the meal without commenting. But make it clear there is nothing else if they ask, and stick to it.

Slowly but surely they should start to broaden their palate.

It is difficult but they need to stop seeing it as a way of controlling you, and consistently acting like you don’t care is the key to this.

We are living this right now with our three year old, who has managed to get himself down from something like 25th centile to 4th 😬

We will get him checked over at some point, but knew he was eating better at nursery, so are sure it's parent-control. It gets me right where I live - I like to cook and was spending hours each day designing menus to tempt him and of course the little would just shout 'yuk!' and throw it on the floor.

Following advice in the books we rated, we took all emotional weight off how much he eats - he can leave anything he wants to - but conversely we all get the same plateful with a proper range of vegetables and textures. There are no alternatives and hunger is a choice. Meals and snacks are offered regularly but at exactly the same time each day. He responded really well to that, and surprisingly stopped agitating all day long once he knew biscuit hour is 3pm and he can depend on it. As part of this we had to recognise that it's a good thing to be hungry when you sit down to a meal. Previously we had let him graze rather than feel hungry.

There is a no criticising food rule and a no wasting food rule. It doesn't go on the floor, but since we aren't ordering him to eat anyway there is no fun in it. That makes me feel better.

We made a huge effort to sit down together and eat the same thing. This was hard for my husband, who has historically cooked for himself after a run or later in the evening. He had to recognise that he had modelled getting to choose his own menu and this had been really unhelpful to our kid.

Early days but it is working. He is loving eating meals with daddy. Lastly, we were counselled not to stretch him too far in the first few weeks. He is getting lots of foods that were safe till a few weeks ago, but other foods too. Surprisingly he is trying them. He ate red peppers today!