Baby will not nap in the afternoon

[MollieTD]

My little boy is 3 months old and this last week or so has been fighting sleep in the afternoon. He wakes around 6:30/7 after 6 or 7 hours over night which is amazing, sleeps around 10am for 90mins or so, then we have a happy smiley boy until 2pm when it all kicks off and we have on and off screaming and crying interspersed with 10mins of sleep every so often until bathtime - then he’s super happy again until bedtime.

It’s making me feel like a shit mum that I can’t soothe him in the afternoon and the endless cycle of trying to get him to sleep, putting him down, then ten minutes later starting all over again is really getting to me.

He sleeps really well in his pram in the mornings, much happier outside than inside but in the afternoons nothing seems to work. Tried putting him down awake and yawning, asleep, have him nap on me, but always ten minutes later he wakes up screaming.

Any advice?

Have you tried capping his morning nap?

You could limit it to an hour max and try spending some time outdoors before his afternoon nap.

I used to just take my daughter into the garden for 15 mins before she was due a nap to try and tire her out.

Try shortening the amount of time he's awake... At 3 months he should nap after every ~90 minutes awake (look up wake windows).

Thank you - we have a long walk in the morning pre-nap then either a baby group or another walk early afternoon pre-ideal afternoon nap time.

When I put him down for nap - when he’s yawning and clearly tired - he just cries or wriggles about and then eventually cries and I pick him up or rock his pram, calm him down and try again. Is this the right thing to do? I don’t want to leave him crying but he doesn’t do this at night - just a big wriggle then sleep!

Am I just overthinking it and need to go with the flow a little more?

The vast vast majority of babies at 3 months will be having 4 naps per day. I would imagine he's over tired by the afternoon nap and that's why he's hard to get down.

Some babies have low sleep needs but it's very unusual. How many hours sleep is he getting including night time? As the poster above said look into wake windows. Most experts would say aim for 60-120 mins max awake time between each nap at that age.

Thank you @Sofarsogood123 - I’d read about being overtired and it sounded exactly that. From what I can see it will take a while to break the cycle and that’s why he won’t sleep when down for a nap?

I guess some of its just persevering with working out where he sleeps well - if he prefers to sleep outside I suppose we both just wrap out and roll with it!

I think they all go through phases like this. My little boy did all that screaming etc at that age around dinner time every time. The wake windows thing definitely helped. He sucks his thumb so it’s easy to tell the second he’s tired but now he’s a bit bigger I will just put him in for his nap as soon as he’s showing any sign of being tired. At times if he’s been awake ages I just take him through to the dark and he’ll very quickly start sucking his thumb when the white noise is on. It’s really hard but the more you just keep reinforcing it and getting him into the routine of not being awake too long the happier he’ll be. Good luck

@Sofarsogood123 he’s sleeping probably 10 or 11 hours overnight, waking up for feeding in between.

Definitely watch for the early signs of tiredness - I can't even really remember mine's now, but I remember the need for a quick reaction! Maybe going a bit starey, hands in mouth?

When he's a bit older and down to two daytime naps I did all afternoon naps walking with the pram - he was easier to get the sleep in the morning, but afternoon needed some movement and fresh air.

So say 11 hours plus a 90 min nap. You are at 12.5 hours. Most resources say you want around 15 hours (between 14 and 17 is the normal advice). I'd put him down for his first nap earlier, say 8am if he's waking at 6.30am. Then every time he wakes up put him down again after 90 mins. I'd imagine he'll have 4 shorter naps but more often. Check out some of the sleep apps: little ones or huckleberry etc.

And yes! I could only ever get my last nap to happen on the move. This might be terrible advice but it's what I did.... I would actively put him to sleep for a couple of days at the right times (rocking, pram, car) to try and get him in a bit of a pattern and break the cycle. Once he's not overtired then you can get him back to going to sleep on his own. A mini bedtime routine can help so they know it's now time to sleep.

In addition to wake windows...Don't compare sleep and settle methods day and night. Some babies need different support to go to sleep at different times and maybe your little one needs contact naps mid afternoon? Mine did until about 10 months then started being able to drift off in the pram or car but never once the cot!

Thanks SO much, some really helpful advice!

Update - two good long naps yesterday, whether by coincidence or not I don’t know, but all these tips helped! However, then we were back to waking three hourly overnight again 😬 so he’s in a great mood today, me not so much!

Three hourly wakes at this stage sounds so normal.

He could be going through a developmental leap so it could be very temporary.

Cosleep if you feel like he'd do longer stretches.

@Marmee53 I did think I was very lucky with a breastfed baby sleeping so long so early! He’s a big baby and looks like he’s growing overnight so I think you’re right.

Putting him down when he’s showing signs of tiredness rather than expecting him to go to sleep seems to be helping a lot.

Sounds like your baby is sleeping amazingly well at night !! None of my breastfed babies slept longer than 3 hours at night straight at that age. It’s a long time ago but I just let mine breastfeed and sleep on me in the afternoons as they hated going in their cots. This meant they slept and didn’t get overtired and I watched loads of series and chilled , v v v happy memories.
Obviously only possible with one baby , with a toddler and other kids it’s a lot trickier 😬
Good luck op and congrats!

Ah… saw your update.. yup their sleep changes all the time. The idea that idea that babies sleep better and better as they get older is bs unfortunately. It goes through so many phases for years in my experience of having 3 kids; weaning can cause night wakes, teething , illness, when they start to move this can cause them to wake as they get stuck , climb out , want to stand all the time, toilet training , night terrors etc etc etc.. My 6 year old woke up twice last night with bad dreams. Best advice really is try to make sure they aren’t overtired , plenty of fresh air and natural light during the day and basically hope for the best !

Absolutely. Sleep isn't linear. There's a lot to be said for relinquishing expectations!