How to balance the needs of baby and toddler

[Sleepy74747]

I have a 10 month old and an almost 3 year old. I’ve just found it so hard adjusting from one to two…I feel like I’m constantly not giving either one of them enough attention and focus. When I just had one child I would sit and play with her a lot …I find with the two of them now I hardly ever have chance just to sit with either of them and play / engage directly. I spend all day telling my eldest to wait a minute, I can’t right now, go to daddy etc because I’m dealing with my youngest daughter, prepping food, making food, cleaning food up, trying to get them out for the day etc.

at the moment I feel like both of them are constantly demanding my attention all day long…10 month old is going through normal separation anxiety and every time I try to cuddle or play with my eldest she gets very jealous and screams. My eldest is actually really good with the jealousy but all day she is saying mummy mummy mummy and I feel guilty if I give either one attention the other one isn’t happy. I just feel like all day is filled with screaming and I must be doing something wrong …or is this normal for having two so close in age and young?

i try to get one on one time with toddler at the weekend, I take her out just us two for a half day and husband has baby. I do get one on one time with baby 2x a week on toddlers nursery days but a lot of this I have to catch up on house work and I meet with mums groups so it’s still quite busy and I don’t get much time engaging with her …nothing like I did with my first.

me and husband alternate each bedtime so one night I put toddler down and read books and cuddle etc and the other night I have my baby so that’s nice time with each at least.

anyone else have any tips for balancing this? Or is it just a case of it’s going to be pretty horrible until baby is older and I can engage them both in more joint activities?

Honestly it seems like you're doing the best that you can.

You're managing to spend one on one time with both children whilst also dealing with everyday life such as housework.

I have a 4 week old and an 18 month old and I really don't know how I'm going to juggle them when I'm on my own with the two (I'm currently staying at my mums).

Go easy on yourself mama ❤️

@Marmee53 thank you 😊 and congratulations on your new baby! I think it goes up and down…some days I feel really proud as I’ve managed to maybe take them somewhere new on my own without too much drama but then others It feels like everyone has just cried all day!

That’s great that your at your mums for extra support during the early weeks. I’m sure you’ll do great when you’re back home

Will baby go in a sling? I’m not as far in as you, I have a 2yo and a 3mo but the days I have both of them the baby spends most of the time in the sling. Can’t wait until he’s 6 months and I can back carry! Baby might chill out a bit of they’re physically on you but you can still play with older one?
I tend to prioritise the toddler as it’s quicker for me to soothe an upset baby than an upset toddler, I expect this will slowly shift over time as they both get older.

Honestly it's really hard. I wasn't prepared for just how hard I would find it. My youngest is now 18 months and I finally feel like things are more manageable and I can cope with them both and manage to get a few more jobs done around the house.
Basically keep doing what you're doing, it's not easy but it will get better.

It sounds like you're doing as well as is possible. Its hands down the hardest thing I've ever done. That first year after my youngest was born was hell. As a PP said, after 18months its so much easier. Their needs start to coincide and it becomes quite wonderful.

I agree with the strategy of prioritising the eldest.