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Original poster

Partner doesn’t help and hardly works

15 replies

Tired111 · 16/10/2022 08:01

I need some advise, just had a baby girl who is now 14 weeks old, partner took 2 weeks off work (self employed) which then turned into 12 weeks of not working, I thought he would help out with baby but this only lasted for the first week or 2

Partner is now mentally abusive, putting me and my parenting skills down and making me feel useless, when I ask him to help for 5 mins he refuses and will leave the room if she cries or kick us out of the bedroom so he can sleep

My partner is still not back working full time but uses the few days (1 a 2 days a week) he does as argument for not helping with the baby

I’m so stressed and down by the situation I’m in, Partner doesn’t contribute to rent, bills and food etc

and upset for the baby that she has such a useless Father

My partner seems depressed, smokes weed all the time and sleeps about 12 hours a day, I’ve tried to speak to him about it but only get ignored or verbally abused, he refuses to get any help

what should I do, has anyone had similar experience?

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 16/10/2022 08:02

The obvious answer is to get out. Do you have family you can go to ?
Whose name is on the rental agreement ?

slmum · 16/10/2022 08:03

So he doesn’t contribute financially, is horrible to you and the baby, and won’t help around the house?
Why would you keep him around?

DenholmElliot1 · 16/10/2022 08:03

Just break up with him - he's not exactly bringing anything positive to your life is he

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tenbob · 16/10/2022 08:05

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this, it sounds so stressful.

But honestly, it sounds like the best thing you can do for you and your daughter is kick him out.

how can he not contribute but then still have money for weed?
and she doesn’t need a stoned man around her (nor do you)

I would be telling him asap he has to move out, and enjoying the peaceful home without him whinging

Greydogs123 · 16/10/2022 08:05

You should leave. This is no life for you or your baby. Your partner doesn’t care about you or, seemingly, your child.
I hope you have friends or family who could support you to leave.

Acheyknees · 16/10/2022 08:05

Just leave. He's a loser

KangarooKenny · 16/10/2022 08:07

And tell your HV about the weed. You need some support in limiting his access, he doesn’t sound like dad of the year.

RampantIvy · 16/10/2022 08:08

He needs to go. Your life will be much less stressful without him.

I'm guessing that the pregnancy was unexpected.

Treacletoots · 16/10/2022 08:08

I'm going to go out on a limb here. I'm guessing that he's always been utterly useless? Or has he suddenly changed from being a wonderful supportive partner since you had your baby?

Either way, he's a total waste of oxygen, what exactly does he contribute? He doesn't pay for food or bills and doesn't care for his own child. There's only one option here and you need to kick him out. Show him right now you won't accept this useless shitty behaviour.

Talking to him won't work because he already know his behaviour is appalling but he is still choosing to do it. People like this only understand action.

So sorry you're having to deal with this at a time when you need all the support you can get. But honestly it sounds like he's making it much much worse for you the freeloading cocklodger.

Kick him out. Take no more of his shit behaviour and show him how bad behaviour is dealt with.

MoonGeek · 16/10/2022 08:09

Leave him. Do you have friends or family to support you?

Ttbhappy · 16/10/2022 08:10

I personally think he needs professional help. I don't think you want to leave him as you said he could be depressed so being in a relationship is hard you both need to work together. There must be a solution. Leaving him would be easy emotionally but I think deep down you know he needs help.

comfortablyfrumpy · 16/10/2022 08:11

He really needs to go .

I an sorry, he sounds awful. You and your daughter deserve better.

TheUsualChaos · 16/10/2022 08:12

Leave. He's not working, not helping at home and he's verbally abusive. What makes him think you should put up with that?

Can you go to stay with family?

Bananalanacake · 16/10/2022 08:14

Whose property is it. You will get more advice if you ask for this to be moved to the relationships board as it's more of a relationship issue.

Treacletoots · 16/10/2022 08:15

@Ttbhappy I think what you mean to say was OP needs help, not some freeloading drugged up cocklodger. Why do we excuse such appalling behaviour by men by labelling it as depression. How on earth do you think OP is feeling right now yet seemingly manages to hold it all together.

Let's stop excusing appalling behaviour. He doesn't need help, he needs to stop being a useless abusive wanker.

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