Do you actually include self care into your routine and HOW?

[Rachell1]

Hi ladies,

I am finding myself stuck in a bit of a rut and not sure how to tackle it.

I am mum to a 21 month old, he does not go to nursery yet so basically my day to day is just me and him, either trying to keep him entertained at home all day or of course get him out for a few hours and keep him entertained that way.

When it comes to me though, I don't look after myself and I will fully admit to that. I haven't had my nails done in months, I wash my hair once a week, I struggle big time to find the energy to shower every day and I never wear makeup or make any effort anymore with outfits.

I feel like ALL of my awake time is dedicated to mum/housewife mode and not sure how to ever get time to myself?

My son has dropped his naps so I am quite literally in mum mode from the moment we wake up to the moment we go to bed.

I can't ask my partner for his help because he is currently working 7 days a week trying to set up a new business... so he is equally as exhausted and works such long hours.

The only other person is my mum, who is more than willing to help but due to her age and health, she is only comfortable looking after him when I am present, so it doesn't help as much as it seems (hate to sound ungrateful) but of course, I still don't get time to myself.

I don't really know what I am asking for here... I suppose just some advice on HOW to possibly create time for yourself or get anything self care related done during the day while looking after an active toddler? Or is that just impossible?!

How about your mum come over and you retreat to bathroom - long bath wash hair pain your toe nails face mask etc. or you go out together and you head to get nails done whilst she wanders around shops ?? Start small !

Totally feel you on this one! I'm the same (and that's even with my daughter at nursery). Constantly working or in Mum mode so it's hard to find time for self care. I am trying to take joy in little self care rituals, like nice facemask/fancy face cream after she goes to bed and a hot chocolate in front of the tv, but that's about as exotic as it gets! I agree, perhaps if your mum can push your little one around in the pushchair while you get your nails done etc, that would be a nice start. Is there any way of starting her at nursery a little sooner so you can get a break?

Oops sorry, meant him, not her!

It depends on your financial position as well OP. Money (obviously) makes things like this a little easier.

Is nursery an option yet, even 1-2 days? I appreciate it may not be.

He's early to have dropped all naps which is unfortunate. With DD I was only off for a year then went back to work part time.

I made sure I factored in nail appts at the very least and did everything else myself.

DH gets her ready at 6.45 am ish and I have time until 7.30/7.45 to get washed dressed and make up on uninterrupted usually. Would this work at all?

After bed time can you choose 2 days in the week where you do nice bath/shower, hair wash and shave if you do that. Then the other night nails , wash hair and face mask routine?

With DD2yrs I've gone back full time new job but I will still do the same morning routine albeit earlier at 6am.

Think most mums have been in the same boat at one stage so don't be too hard on yourself.
I agree with others, it's about trying to make the most of the little things. I am often in the position where I have the energy to do either mani or pedi when the little one is sleeping so maybe even try and do little bits here and there so you can still feel a bit better without getting overwhelmed trying to do too much at once.
Also, I've found buying slightly more luxurious things to be a good way of feeling like I've treated myself, doesn't have to be hugely expensive but maybe a fancier shower gel than you would normally buy or a nice oil to put in your bath? It means you feel like you've had a little treat without having to find any more time to so.
In terms of outfits, would it help to plan them and pay them out the night before so you can spend a bit more time thinking about it weather than just throwing something on? I say this as someone who has completely lost their sense of style post baby but is still trying...

Can your partner not watch him while you shower, groom and exercise?

At 21 months he should be able to amuse himself long enough for you to bathe and dress.

I would love to know the answer. I’m still on mat leave and have totally let myself go.

The number of times I’ve been having a rushed shower and realised I need to wash my hair but because I haven’t planned in advance for a longer shower, it just remains dirty. 😕

It sounds a bit silly, but just get on with it. I've got three kids (2, 5 and 7) and I put my makeup on and do my hair every day, even if I'm on my own with them. I do exercise videos on YouTube once they are all in bed or I got for a run if DH is at home.

It's ok not to focus on your child 100% of the time, if they are safe then just let them get in with it. My youngest will tip all the Lego on the floor and make a mess while I put my makeup on or whatever, but that's fine with me. I prioritise a couple of things that make me feel better and there's nothing wrong with that. Make yourself a priority too, not all the time, but for ten minutes here and there, and you will be a better parent.

Not going to lie, I didn’t really have any substantial ‘me’ time until DD started preschool. Now I have 6hours of bliss three times a week where I can meet friends, go for a massage, go shopping, gym, etc etc to my hearts content! It’s been a long time coming and I’m loving it 😂

My LO is 1 and I pop him in his cot with some toys while I put my makeup on. I shower in the evenings once he’s asleep which saves time in the mornings. I rarely use heat on my hair and try to do hairstyles which include no heat - also saves time!

if you fancy getting your nails done could your mum come with you and keep little one entertained? Same way if you want a hair cut etc invite your mum along to watch him while having your hair done but then go get lunch after or a coffee

if you feel you don’t have time for makeup but want to, why not use some fake tan on your face/neck? I often do this, that way all I’ve gotta do is do my eyebrows and mascara. Half the time I can’t be bothered with makeup unless we’re going somewhere decent

I only wash my hair once a week anyway twice maximum (I have naturally curly hair) but could you sleep in damp braids so that it’s wavy in the morning? Face mask in the evenings after a shower and paint your nails?

Can you go back to work and arrange some childcare? Even allowing for work, the childcare will give you some time to have a break and when you have leave from work you can actually have a rest while they are still being cared for by someone else. Even if you only break even on salary vs childcare costs it might be worth it.

I start work early and finish early so I get an hour and a half before I pick our daughter up from nursery. I use this to walk our dogs or get house admin done so I can relax in the evening. My husband and I both commit to supporting each other to go for a run a few times a week while the other one looks after our daughter and I also go to a yoga class one evening a week. I think you need to ask your husband to step up a bit. He might be working hard (aren't most people?!) but surely he can manage half an hour a few times a week? It is his child too.

I use my annual leave days for hair appts etc. I have to be honest, even from day 1 I had a shower and washed my hair, and put make up on if I wanted to - can you not leave him for 10 mins to play? If the room is safe the worst that can happen is he cries a bit? You would probably feel better with clean hair and a bit of make up on! It is hard to find a balance but it is do-able with a bit of flexibility and support from your OH.

I agree with PP, you just have to get on with it. At that age mine were either popped in the cot with a pile of toys/books or they come in the bathroom with me and I'll grab a quick shower. I do try to get up before then but both of them have sonic hearing and the second my feet hit the ground they wake. Providing they're safe it doesn't matter if they're a bit bored for ten minutes. Hair is washed every couple of days, low maintenance hair cut. I do home works outs while DD plays, one evening a week DH covers while I go to pilates. Make up takes about 4 minutes. On non work days it's a basic uniform of jeans, trainers, t-shirt in summer, jumper in winter.

I do think you have to prioritise yourself a bit. I always feel better mentally if I'm looking after myself physically.

Hey there,

Starting small and keeping it simple is a good place to start. Can you carve out some small pockets of time in your day - 5 minutes at a time - and start to build a habit? I love the concept of habit stacking, where you link your self care activity e.g. doing some stretches or taking some deep breaths, to something you do at least one a day e.g. boiling the kettle boils, and then your brain doesn't see it as another thing to remember.

Everyone's self care journey is different which makes it really fun to work out what works best for you.

Once a week I ran a bath and did everything I could wash hair, body scrub, face peel tidy eyebrows etc. then a blow dry. It was bliss.

I can't understand the not finding time to shower. I used to shower before my dp went to work. But

It sounds like your partner doesn't do any parenting? How will he get to know his child or how to look after a baby if he doesn't ever do it? You're going to go mental.

Breathing is self care now?

Mindful breathing - taking the time to focus on our breath, even for just one minute, can have a positive impact on how we are feeling in that moment.

It's always a difficult one. Things I've done is...

1. Create a grooming kit e.g. tweezers, brush, wax strips, mirror and keep it in the lounge. If I get time or am.in the mood I just do what I can in that time.

1. Let toddler play in the tub and do my eyebrows or upper lip threading etc

1. Get my toddler to brush my hair or do her own self care next to me.

It sounds so easy in theory but most days I'm too tired or can't be arsed (like today)