How to give you and partner a break on weekends?

[Confusedmama1234]

Hi everyone,

Just curious how parents of young kids divide responsibilities/down time on the weekends?

We have two young kids (3 and 4 months) and weekends (Well, everyday!) are full on! I'm an introvert and I recharge by spending time alone, and I really need some alone time every now and then. However this seems to cause some tension that one of us is doing more than the other, who is more tired etc. Is it unreasonable to ask that we split weekend mornings, ie partner has kids all sat am and I get a break, and then visa versa on the Sunday?

I guess I'm just curious to see how everyone else manages it. (Also no family close by so the only break we get is when thebother parent has them).

Cheers

I get older kids to entertain baby. When the older ones were wee I’d put younger one in the swing and I’d stick curious George in for the older one in the bedroom and let him watch that till he took a nap and we had our time. That’s all I needed then being younger but with this one I’ve got a massive age gap and I’m now in my 30s and so much more tired.

In a similar position with one toddler, it's hard isn't it. Atm our alone time comes after they're in bed at the expense of couple time, otherwise while doing a job like the weekly shop at the weekend while the other parent takes them out or I go for a quick run some mornings if time, chores, work and DH permit. I treasure a job that involves some working alone, and the half of the nursery run with an empty buggy. YANBU to negotiate whatever works best for you and your partner.

Following. It is so full on. It’s a constant struggle and a source of significant friction. My partner prefers doing house tasks and i prefer doing toddler tasks. He is an evening person and i function better in the mornings. Imo i cannot cope if i dont get a continuous stretch of at least 8 waking hours free of childcare responsibilities a week. Hope you find your balance

I saw a post on here recently where they divide the weekend into 4 blocks, Sat and Sun AM and PM. Then they split that into time individually with DC and time all together as a family, depending on what's happening that weekend. Obviously one parent might end up doing more some weekends or Sunday might be spent together all day but it means they automatically carve out time for each other/themselves too. I thought it was genius, wish I'd thought of it when my DC were young!

We are new to this parenting lark, but we try to do that. We will decide on the weekend which of us will go downstairs with DC so the other can have a lie in or a bit of space.

I need time alone as well to try and recharge and have realised that just rarely happens when you have kids.
I actually used to struggle with little alone time before DC was born.
It's weird to think that only a few months ago, I had so much alone time and didn't even realise it (compared to now).

Rather than plan it as such, we might do it a little more spontaneously. If we're downstairs and DC is settled, I might say "do you mind if I go up and read for a bit?"

Or vice versa but it is hard. I don't know how couples manage it with more than 1 DC.

We have 3 - 8, 4 and 2. We each take a lie-in on alternate days till about 9. Mornings are usually divided with activities eg DH might take one to swimming, while I shuttle the other 2 to a party.

When the baby goes for a nap, the older 2 get Kindle time, so DH and I get 1.5hr to nap or read - basically be by ourselves. After nap is family time, usually outdoors, a walk or something. No other tv or screens, so I don’t feel guilty about them having them at nap time!

We generally took turns for a weekend lie in when kids were younger. DH had a long commute and worked long hours with lots of travel so he usually had a lie in on Saturday and I had Sunday. We both decided to have kids and saw our work as having equal value - I worked out of the home part time or freelance so did more of the day to day stuff with the kids during the week, when we were both home we shared the load. Attempts at “competitive tiredness” got shut down fast.

Give it a trial. It really depends on what you want to do with your free time. Your DH might prefer to have an afternoon to himself rather than a morning.

Start with a morning each and see how it goes.

We have a new baby so aren’t splitting evenly at the moment but what we were doing is having one lie in each weekend, then an hour each to do what we wanted. Sometimes an hour each day.

To me, the whole of Sat or Sun morning sounds like quite a long stretch. For us when the DC were little (they're teens now and we have lots of time to ourselves!) it would have been more like a couple of hours free each over the weekend, while the other one took the DC swimming / shopping / to the park. Maybe you discuss different possible scenarios and agree on whatever works best for the two of you.

We are about to have our 4th baby which always throws a spanner in the works for a while but our other kids are 7, 5 and 2 and for a v long time I have had Saturday morning for a lie in/introvert recharge time and my husband has the same on Sunday morning. Then the rest of the day is family time.

He prefers to take the kids out when he’s looking after them and I prefer to potter at home getting jobs done and just letting them chill when I’m looking after them. It really helps me to know I have some down time on the horizon each week (and actually i find the never really being alone the hardest thing about newborns!! But have had enough of them now to know that it doesn’t last all that long in the grand scheme of things.)

id definitely give it a try. No point both getting burnt out by insisting you parent together non stop unless that’s what suits you both.

DH does from 6.30am onwards and does breakfast with them both whilst I have an hour or 2 sleep (baby isn't a good sleeper).

I will then take both to a playpark for a few hours. Sometimes DH takes them both for a walk so I get some quiet time at home etc.

On morning per weekend is filled with clubs and swimming. One of us takes the kids while the other sorts the house. We're both pooped and want some alone time by then so both of us would prefer to do the house but we take it in turn. There is usually a kids party at some point too and one of us will do some exercise. As well as that, we try to do something as a family. Basically it's all a juggle but no weekend is the same.
Don't start the who is more tired game. Try to give each other space. But it gets easier when they start school

We just sort of fell into this routine when both children were young, I get up with them at 6am, but husband puts them to bed. Then during the day, husband takes the eldest climbing and me and the youngest go for coffee. Come together for lunch, kids watch a film afterwards whilst me and husband have some quiet time. The afternoon is a bit more about us, maybe a trip to the pub or visit from friends.

You have to steal moments. Routine is also handy, but not the easiest at the weekend with tiny ones.

I have this issue. I'm at home on maternity leave currently and my OH works. I literally do EVERYTHING for the children and the house because he says "I work". I get zero break. I haven't had a lay in or night off in /2 years, no joke. We've got 2 year old and 6 month old and he's never fed either during the night or got up in the morning. I'm running on empty and all I hear is "I'm tired, I've been working all week" as he sleeps in and then buggers off the gym at his leisure and I'm still here waiting for some help or some "me" time. He then returns, showers and lays on the bed and says he's exhausted now. He never plays with the children or helps! He even had the audacity to tell me he couldn't find any pairs of socks in his drawer and could I pair them better 🙄
I'm wondering whether I've got a lazy man child to look after and whether I'd be better of single so at least he would have to take them at the weekends!
Is it just mine, or do all men feel they don't have to do housework or sort the kids because "they go out to work"

We sort of do what you suggest - I take them to church for 2 hours without fail on Sunday morning, he takes them out Sunday afternoon. It means we both get a bit of free time. Plus I tend to get up with them 6.30-8.30 in the morning when he lies in (I'm a morning person!) then I have a nice lie down after lunch (with the baby) as I love an afternoon nap. Works really well for us both.

@allboysmum3 sorry but your OH is a lazy git. Why is your job 24/7 but his isn't?

2 kids - 4 (reception class) &2. We split the lies in so one of us gets a sleep till 8.30ish. DD1 has activities on Saturday morning so we take it in turns to take her. The other person looks after all DD2, puts the hoover round and goes to the shop for anything we need. Rest of the weekend is split depending on what's going on - I'm going for a haircut this afternoon, DH has football tomorrow afternoon, we'll do something all together tomorrow morning.

Im part time but one of days I've got DD2 at home I always try to have a rest during her nap either just watching a TV program with a tea or going for a snooze. I find it makes a big difference as our weeks are pretty full on.

We do pretty much exactly what @tealandteal do. DD is only 3 months though so I'm sure it will evolve over time. Live for my Sunday morning lie-ins haha!

@allboysmum3 I'm afraid you have a lazy git man child there. Not all men think this way!

We really struggle with this too @Confusedmama1234 - I think it’s probably quite a common issue.

For us, my DH works at sea for 3 weeks at a time. So for 3 weeks I’m at home alone with our child. I work and have childcare for my working hours but have none outside of that so I have no downtime at all until DS is in bed. And even then, as soon as DS falls asleep I’m off having a quick shower and prepping his food etc for the next day while I’m at a work. He still wakes multiple times in the night and I have issues with sleep myself. I haven’t slept more than 3 hours in a row since he was born and he’s now 2 😅

The following 3 weeks DH is home and off work so he looks after DS while I’m at work. I get home just before DSs bedtime so one of us puts DS to bed while the other tidies up and makes our dinner (we usually alternate nights). We then have dinner together, watch an hour of TV together then go to bed. We either have 4 or 5 days off together across the 3 weeks that DH is home depending on my shifts. We spend those days as a family.

Neither DH or I have any downtime or alone time - well, I guess he does in the evenings when he’s at work as he doesn’t have childcare responsibilities. We’d both feel guilty taking time for ourselves out of our family time when he’s home as we’re always conscious of the fact he’ll be alway again for weeks soon.