Signs of autism at home but not at school?

[ChantellePerry]

My son has loads of autistic traits and sensory difficulties and has done since a very young age. I have documented all this, I also have lots of pictures & videos.

My sons school are saying the haven’t noticed anything and they always tell me he has had a good day.
I struggle to get my son to school everyday and after school my son has meltdown after meltdown, he doesn’t want anyone anywhere near him or even looking at him, he will constantly repeat words/phrases and stims loads etc.

I don’t know what to do because school are part of the diagnostic process and if my son isn’t displaying any of this at school then how do I get my son the help he needs?

I think my son has high functioning autism/Asperger's

Is there anyone else experiencing the same problem?

It’s common for children to ‘mask’ at school and not at home. Masking is covering how they actually want to act and behave like others. Share with the SENCO what you have noticed at home x

It’s common to mask at school but not at home.

I had similar with DS, school said no issues at all, especially with sensory difficulties. I kept going in, explaining what we were struggling with at home, they said no issues whatsoever at school. Really started to doubt myself. Moved schools and didn’t mention anything at all. Teacher called me into school after a week or two and said they had noticed a number of issues. It can be very teacher/school specific too. That’s not unusual.

It does sound like he’s masking and holding it all together in school. I had similar and now home educate. DS is so much calmer and happier, so much more regulated. It’s also easier to deal with any sensory/overload issues when you are there, rather than the build up for 6 hours in school then re-regulating at home, starting again at school etc. The anxiety and meltdowns over not wanting to go being taken away improves behaviour massively.

Common for children and adults. The pressure to mask and follow the rules in places that aren't safe is strong. I had a delightful meeting with HR who doubted my diagnosis report because she has worked with me and 'would never have guessed'.

I was always described as a delight by teachers, once home my mum soon learnt that she had to leave me alone for a while before interacting with me at all (I used to scream if she tried to hug me at pick up). I still require decompression time after work, thankfully I have a husband who takes no offence with this.

OP, school don't have to get the ball rolling for you. Your GP can do this too. My little boy is autistic and I relate to a lot of what you say.

DS had a report for his assessment from teachers that said he had no problems - although they had got someone from SEND in to observe him that spotted lots of things! (he was diagnosed in half an hour at age 10).
There's a good chance that they think your ds is fine because he's not doing anything hugely disruptive - this is not the same as him not demonstrating any traits at school. I would go in and talk to them about all of your concerns with him and ask if they could get someone in from SEND to observe him perhaps.

My daughter is the same, maybe not quiet as bad. She has been having counselling and the counsellor recommended testing having picked up on a lot of traits.
School say she does really well, school reports sound like they are about a different child.
They have said they will support me in a referral though. Waiting on the counsellor to send over all the traits so I can add mine and pass onto school.

You can take action yourself OP, don’t put everything on the school. Book a GP appointment to discuss your concerns.

In our area, you can get your gp to refer you, but the first step after referral is a screening questionnaire sent to home and school. If school arent noticing anything it can be hard to get past this stage. Its quite common to be triaged put and have to try again a bit later..

My suggestions are meeting with teacher and senco if they would meet and explaining your mornings and the meltdowns 'coke bottle effect' and asking them to look with fresh eyes at him. Not looking for misbehaviour or disruption, but his social interactions, any quirks etc. Might not work though.

Another idea is there another setting, like swimming or cubs where they have seen things and might fill out the questionnaire.

It’s very very common and assessors will know this. The referral process depends on your area. Can you make an appointment with the school senco to discuss your concerns and also go to the GP?