Does anyone else's toddler do this? Or did they ever?

[disneycastles]

Hi everyone, I'd love some advice or reassurance. I've got a little boy who is three and he's great- as far as I'm aware, he's meeting milestones etc and he's affectionate and fun. He does a couple of days a week at nursery and he's not a big fan of being dropped off there (not hysterical but not thrilled) but I've always been told he settles very quickly after I've gone, and we've been to a few parties during which he seems to play really nicely with his nursery friends and be very included in the fun. For the past few weeks when I've picked him up, he's been really cross with me, saying "that's not my mummy"; "I want to stay" or "go away from me". I know a lot of children get so engrossed in their play that they are annoyed at the interruption but this feels a bit different- more like he's showing me how upset he was that I left. His dad has had this treatment a lot- he gets told to "go back to work" when he gets home. He's always happy again after a few minutes- it's as if he needs to get it out of his system! I just wondered whether anyone else has ever experienced this, and if anything you said or did was a magic solution?

that is the kind of quirky thing that toddlers do. it sounds like he doesn't like the transitions at the beginning and end of the day. I don't know a solution unfortunately but i'm sure it will pass.

Ha ha yes between the age of two and three DS’s only greeting when you walked into a room was “can you go away please”! He’s 17 now and prone to sitting on the end of my bed late at night wanting to chat. Now it’s me that wants to say “can you go away please”!

ds was similar, he would hold onto dh when he dropped him at nursery and not want to stay.

Then when I picked him up a night he would hold onto his key worker for dear life and scream he didn't want to go home. I would have to prise his fingers from her clothes, then carry him out to the car, where he would plank and so I couldn't strap him into his car seat. Dreaded it every night!

I tried various things but I think he was just so overwhelmed/tired out he couldn't cope with the change at pickup, as soon as we were in the car and it was moving he was absolutely fine and chatted away.

It was a phase and he grew out of it (after a year or so!)

Thanks both :)

She was a lot younger, but my sister used to cry and turn away when my mum went to pick her up from the childminder after work. It was very hurtful! I guess just a way of saying 'How dare you leave me!' It didn't affect their long term bond though.

We are sort of going through this now. Not at nursery pickup, but when I get home from nursery my boys will cry and say 'no not daddy don't like daddy!' Then sometimes it shifts so they only want daddy and they'll say 'go away mummy, don't like you'! They are 2 and 3.

Yes. One of mine hid under the table at preschool and shouted “you’re not my mum. I don’t know you”

Just ignore it

@Bearsporridge that's exactly what I get! Including suggestions of whose mummy I might be

Take him a treat. He'll soon want to come home. They only want what's in front of them at that age.

Transitions are really hard for toddlers, unnatural for them, and hard for them to deal with.
The important thing is to understand it's not about you, it's about them, even if they are saying hurtful things.
Next thing is to remember you're there to help them through the transition together. So maybe start with a cuddle and maybe say you'll move the cuddle to the car, or someone above mentioned bring a favourite toy with you. But focus on reconnection at that moment.
Good luck and it will pass for sure, hopefully with your relationship stronger in the end! You are their rock.

What worked with mine was saying calmly, “I’ll stay here if you feel like coming out for a hug”
The combination of letting them have their own way, and planting the idea of a hug in their head, seemed to defuse the situation.
And then once they’d had a hug I’d ask if they were ready to come home.

I agree with a pp who said it was about transitions.

Thanks very much for the perspective everyone!

I work in a nursery and loads of kids do this. I always remember one little girl who had to be peeled off mum on the way in then mum would have to chase her round nursery at home time! I think it was just a reassurance thing, as weird as that sounds. Almost like wanting to see us and mum reassuring her that we were there for her or something. Or maybe a bit if separation anxiety. Either way I find it stops as suddenly as it starts! I’d just ignore it in the same way you would dropping off. So if he said ‘not my nursery’ you’d probably just go ‘haha of course it is, bye bye love you.’ Just do the same ‘of course I’m mummy, hello, let’s go’ and don’t let it be too much of a big thing.

@Kanaloa thanks so much, so good to hear that it's common enough!

My 18 month old cries when he goes into nursery, settles quickly when in there, has a great day and then cries when he’s handed back to me. My husband and I joked that he’s scared of the door but I think it’s the transition he doesn’t like as he’s completely fine within seconds of walking to the car with him. Could be the same with your boy.