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Original poster

Can an ex partner ask me to refund money he chooses to spend on DD without asking first?

22 replies

Havingalaugh21 · 14/10/2022 17:18

We have gone down the CMS route for DD and ex partner has just spent £25 on a private medical appointment for her and asked me to transfer money. No discussion about the appointment prior. Apparently he is within rights to do that under CMS guidelines.
Appreciate I am responsible for upkeep and welfare of DD but can he just spend money as he likes and expect me to reimburse him?

OP posts:
PeekAtYou · 14/10/2022 17:19

Do you have 50/50 care? In which case I'd pay him £12.50 unless you think that the appointment isn't necessary

gamerchick · 14/10/2022 17:20

I'd be telling him to jog on. It's lik he's just spending your money the way he wants then.

SummerHouse · 14/10/2022 17:22

No he can't do that. I would offer half if you think that's reasonable and you can afford it otherwise just say (in fact, say anyway) anything you want me to contribute or pay for, you need to discuss it with me first so you are in agreement. He sounds like a dick.

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Original poster
Havingalaugh21 · 14/10/2022 17:23

Apparently all medical care is down to me. I get that but surely he should ask before spending??

OP posts:
SummerHouse · 14/10/2022 17:24

If medical care is down to you then you get to decide if she needs a private appointment.

FistFullOfRegrets · 14/10/2022 17:26

No , he can't spend money & expect it reimbursed!

Hope she's ok!

Original poster
Havingalaugh21 · 14/10/2022 17:27

I just can't get through to him. He is so bitter about having to pay through the CMS. If he wasn't such a lying wotsit I wouldn't have had to go through them in the first place.

OP posts:
bloodyeverlastinghell · 14/10/2022 17:28

That would be a no from me. Cms is supposed to cover child needs without top ups. It doesn’t but that’s not the point. I pay for stuff for my dc on my time ex pays for stuff on his time. I wouldn’t necessarily agree with what he spends expensive rugby boots for example but Then I’ve spent more than that this week paying for and ferrying him to anactivity this week.

I wouldn’t be prepared to go halves on stuff unless it had preagreed.

IncompleteSenten · 14/10/2022 17:29

Have you checked that with CMS directly?

I would put it in writing to him that if it is your responsibility then anything not agreed in advance will not be repaid.

Surely someone can not enter into a contract where a third party has to pay fees without that person's consent?

Original poster
Havingalaugh21 · 14/10/2022 17:35

I know he is doing it to prove a point but yes how can he spend the maintenance he pays to me without consent?

OP posts:
Twilightoxo · 14/10/2022 17:36

He is lying to you, if you want to contribute towards the appointment you can do but he isn’t entitled to it.

Original poster
Havingalaugh21 · 14/10/2022 17:51

Twilightoxo · 14/10/2022 17:36

He is lying to you, if you want to contribute towards the appointment you can do but he isn’t entitled to it.

He told me everything was down to me now. It's not like he is on the breadline.

OP posts:
Twilightoxo · 14/10/2022 18:02

He needs to be providing for her when he has her. If he wants to buy her something he isn’t then due a refund 🤣 tell him to stop being ridiculous because the cms isn’t telling him this lol

CrossStichQueen · 14/10/2022 18:15

He told me everything was down to me now. It's not like he is on the breadline.

Sorry if this sounds harsh but...why the hell are you listening to this man as if he is speaking the Gospel?

Stop being a trusting doormat. Tell him no.

MintJulia · 14/10/2022 18:34

He's talking nonsense. He pays for anything your child needs while in his care on his days. You pay on your days.

If he decided to take her to a private GP, on his day, that's his choice, and his bill.

ShineOnYouLikeMorningStar · 14/10/2022 19:03

Surely if medical care is your responsibility, then he should leave medical care, appointments etc to you, & not organise anything on his time (obviously emergency care is different).

Beautiful3 · 14/10/2022 19:03

No, he booked it, so he pays. Otherwise he'll keep on doing it to prove a point.

JuneOsborne · 14/10/2022 19:07

Pay it! And he'll soon have her enrolled into every class or activity going and it'll come to the exact same amount as your maintenance. So you'll get nothing.

Or, don't pay it and tell him to jog on.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 14/10/2022 19:09

Well - he can ask - but you can refuse, and you can tell him you won’t refund any expenditure that you don’t agree to beforehand, @Havingalaugh21.

Goldbar · 14/10/2022 19:09

Unless he pre-agrees expenditure with you, he pays.

Pallisers · 14/10/2022 19:13

JuneOsborne · 14/10/2022 19:07

Pay it! And he'll soon have her enrolled into every class or activity going and it'll come to the exact same amount as your maintenance. So you'll get nothing.

Or, don't pay it and tell him to jog on.

this. If you pay it, he'll be delighted to spend the maintenance you receive on all sorts of shite. This is about controlling you as you had the gall to expect him to pay to rear his child.

Just send a polite reply saying "I am not responsible for this" and leave it at that.

knittingaddict · 14/10/2022 19:54

There is no way that the CMS will get involved in this. His choice to pay, so he funds it. These man are ridiculous.

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