How the hell do I cope with two

[Chumbibi]

DD is 2 and DS is four months. Up until about a month ago, DS was sleeping brilliantly but then the four month regression hit and it’s been brutal. DD never went through this, and just when I think we are turning a corner and we have a good night the next night is horrendous. I’m currently in tears from not having longer than a 40 min stretch of sleep last night.

the sleep deprivation is killing me, and I’m lucky my DD is in nursery four days a week, but the problem is she is clearly feeling upset and like she’s not getting enough of my attention. In the mornings and evenings I’m like a zombie and it’s very hard to stay patient and to be as engaged as I would like to be. She’s had meltdowns on the walk home from nursery, has huge tantrums in the morning when she can’t get in my bedroom because the baby is sleeping and yesterday she sat on the potty with her trousers on and wet right through them looking at me laughing.

I took her to a cafe before nursery yesterday for some one on one time whilst the baby slept to try and make her feel loved but it’s so hard. The days I’m with her I try and get one on one time and we do loads of stuff as a family.

I don’t know what I’m trying to get out of this post but I’m just so so so tired and feel like I’m failing my children. What can I do to make this better. I just want to cry I’m so overwhelmed with it all.

Where's their dad? During this ridiculously hard time he needs to be sharing the night wakes, and taking the baby in the morning and evening so that you can focus on DD.

Sorry should of said DS is EBF so DH can’t do any night feeds. He takes the baby as soon as he wakes and gets DD up too. Does everything be possibly can outside of working full time.

I'm in the same position and honestly, I think it's just about surviving and trusting that your daughter will cope and not have any permanent damage from an overly tired mum for a few weeks. My only advice would be make sure you aren't bf at every wake up. A 4mo won't need to eat every 40 min and is doing it for comfort. Sub in a dummy if needed or push through the crying until he settles without the breast. It will be better in the long run. I have had to do this with my 2nd and it's made settling her much easier. If you can get through that then have dh watch baby 8-11pm so between proper feeds so you can at least get a chunk of sleep.

I've asked my husband to give me one chunk of time on the weekends (3-4 hours) where I can be alone to recharge as it's awful being so drained physically and emotionally. I'm hoping knowing that time is coming will be enough to see me through the difficult days.

Just about to enter into this zone with DD2 due any day and DD1 already aware of things changing (extra car seat, change of pram etc). I've tried to do a bit of reading around this as am also worried about upsetting DD1 & not being able to give her as much time. From everything that parents of two + tell me, it's exactly what PP said - surviving at the moment, doing your best and not beating yourself up.

Is there any way you can go to bed as soon as toddler goes and leave baby downstairs/ far away with dh so can catch some sleep knowing you are not in charge. We usually did this and l found that uninterrupted sleep even for 2 hours knowing l hadn't to listen out for baby kept me going.
This will get better.

Drop your expectations of yourself and DC.
I managed an 18 month age gap a long time ago now and it's paid off in the long term with close in age DC's.
Every stage is just a stage and the problems you have this week will be different next week.
Take it day by day and be kind to yourself.
So what if your all still in pyjamas at 2pm and all you've done is feed baby and watch toddler from sofa. It really is about survival in the early days/months.
Also don't compare what you're doing to others who seem to be coping amazingly. They don't have your kids.
It will get better, I promise.

2 is bloody hard, we had a 4 month age gap.

Just know these phases will pass even if it doesn't seem like it. Although I need to say that to myself, have hated life since the youngest turned One 😂

Why don't you pump some milk so DH can do some night feeds and allow you to spend a few hours or so alone with your other child on a weekend day (or when DH is at home).

Oh be kind to yourself lovely. I've got three and know what you mean about sometimes noticing one could benefit from a little more time and feeling down...this too shall pass and they'll soon make each other laugh and play together more! 2 under 3 is hard but I bet they will have a lovely bond growing up. Hopefully the regression passes quickly xx

Thanks for all your kind messages.

I just need some bloody sleep. DS won’t take bottle or dummy at all either. I’m planning on sleep training at 6 months but I just can’t do anything with him right now as he is too young.

@Chumbibi I’m in the thick of this too right now - please tell me it gets better? X

@poppet131 honestly it does get so much better! Over Xmas things actually got worse before they got better but he now sleeps through the night about 50% of the time, is fully on the bottle and loves his food!

for me, the biggest thing was stopping EBF, it was just too relentless in the end. I did both my babies up to 8 months which I’m proud of but the second time it wrecked me mentally.

I think when DS starts moving (8 months now) then it might be different again, but as long as I get some sleep then I’m good!

@Chumbibi How did you manage to get ur little one on the bottle? I’m hoping that when he starts solids, even if he doesn’t take a bottle, it’ll start to relieve some of the pressure of breastfeeding! X

Try the Nuk soft silicone spout ones - they’re for 6-8 months. Both my BF babies took really well to them. And like you say once they’re on solids it’s relieves the pressure a bit.

for me the BF this time around just took its toll too much on me. Honestly feel so much better now I’ve stopped x