Blended family and new baby

[BBY23]

Hi! So my son is 7 and has never known his father. I remained single for 5 and a half years until I met a truly wonderful man who my son gets on brilliantly with. We have just discovered we are having a baby - not planned but very much welcomed. I am worried my son will feel sadness or resentment that he has never had the ‘father experience’ that the new baby will have. Should I have a talk with him and maybe tell him he can call my partner dad if he would like? He doesn’t know about new baby yet but wondering if I should have this conversation before we tell him about the baby too.

I think it's important to do this very slowly. The "dad" thing should come from your kid, not you or your partner. Do you all live together?

We are about to move. Yeah I thought that but my little one isn’t the most forthcoming with feelings or making changes.

OP does he know the very basics of reproductive yet? Cause the whole dad/no dad/step dad/real dad/not real dad thing only makes sense if you know where babies come from.
Start with him being ´step dad’ maybe? Does he know anything at all about his bio dad?
If he starts calling your partner ´dad’ when your baby does, then that’s fine. But he really does need an age appropriate explanation of the different parts of parenting (biological, legal, social) and different kinds of families.

No we haven't even ventured into the 'where do babies come from' chat yet! Gosh it's going to be a busy year haha! Yeah that makes sense, I am probably thinking more into this than he will.

So you don’t all actually live together yet? Don’t do the whole “dad” thing. Just let him gradually get to know your son in a step dad role.

No we don't but he is here pretty much all of the time. I think maybe panic and hormones are getting the better of me! Had insomnia for the last week since I found out and I'm spiralling in thoughts now

I think you need to take this extremely slowly. Your DS's world is about to be turned upside down and whether that turns out to be wonderful or difficult for him you have to handle it very carefully. You've moved very fast with this relationship and it might be hard for your DS to process.

This isn’t the same thing as living together though. I say that kindly as someone who got with my dh when my dd was 5 - she’s now 19 and dh and I have a 10 year old together. I think you need to go very slowly, reassure your child that nothing is going to change about your bond together. It may feel to them that their whole world is shifting. They’re going to share you not only with your partner but now a new baby too, in their safe space, their home. That’s a lot to cope with but dealt with carefully it will be okay.

Calling your partner dad has to come organically from your DS. I wouldn’t move in together and tell him about the baby at same time. One step at a time. There is a lot to think about because moving in together will change the dynamics.
My DS was much older when his brother came along and I did worry at the time that because DS father isn’t great DS would struggle when he saw his baby sibling have a dad who is actively involved. DS has often said he wished that his dad was my DH. I do think that yes it’s hard for DS to watch his younger sibling have a hands on dad, however DS still has me. We make time together just the two of us and DH makes time for him too.
When I was pregnant we had several chats with DS about how initially the newborn would need a lot of time and attention and they constantly need to be fed, changed etc. I spoke about how the older the baby gets this would ease off. Of course I made the biggest fuss of him the first time we left the baby at home to spend time together. I made sure that even when I was recovering from a bad tear during delivery that DS still got to take part in his hobbies to minimise disruption to his life. DS adores the baby and the baby adores him and I am sure it will be same for you.