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Original poster

Social services referal

36 replies

Walkinganywhere · 12/10/2022 13:31

I spoke to my gp recently because I'm struggling mentally after experiencing emotional abuse and my son experiencing it from partner. Gp, quite rightly, has made a referal as my son has witnessed and been on the receiving end of domestic abuse. We are not at risk physically and it has all stopped since I told partner I would leave because of how he has been. Our relationship is over as far as I am concerned and he is having counselling etc and been great since.
Now I'm worried about what happens next in terms of social services? Can anyone share their experience of the next steps etc? I'm just feeling a bit upset. I guess it's a sort of stigma that's attached to that even though I know it's all for the right reasons.

OP posts:
LIZS · 12/10/2022 18:22

Your ds is still vulnerable and you have a responsibility to safeguard him. Maybe your (ex)dp will change with support but you cannot take the risk. Hopefully the dv service can signpost you to make the break.

OhIdoLike2bBesideTheSeaside · 12/10/2022 19:00

I would phone women's aid now and get some advice and refer yourself to social services, phone them and they will help

WhatsAVideo · 12/10/2022 19:39

The fact that SS do all this due to harm to the child, and then family courts just say “nah, don’t believe them” and order women to hand over their children to these abusers, unsupervised, EOW, half the holidays and allow constant vexatious being dragged back to court by the ex for stupid reasons fucking astounds me.

elm26 · 12/10/2022 19:59

This is how my stepsister (I use that term lightly because she's vile and I've had no contact in 4 years) lost all 6 of her children. Kept them around her abusive partner. They eventually all got removed from her care permanently.

Please choose your child.

SpinningFloppa · 12/10/2022 19:59

WhatsAVideo · 12/10/2022 19:39

The fact that SS do all this due to harm to the child, and then family courts just say “nah, don’t believe them” and order women to hand over their children to these abusers, unsupervised, EOW, half the holidays and allow constant vexatious being dragged back to court by the ex for stupid reasons fucking astounds me.

Because the relationship is over, it’s the relationship that’s considered toxic if the parents are no longer in the relationship and the abuse wasn’t to the children then yes they will be given contact

youngmum0101 · 12/10/2022 20:09

adding onto this thread as I’m not sure how to start my own: please help!
My partner and I had an argument in front of our son and I called the police because he, in the moment, threatened to kick me out of the house and got suitcases out. This was deemed very serious by SS and I have been living 400miles away near my parents since. DS is on a Child Protection Plan. My partner has undertaken a domestic abuse workshop and we want to work with the Local Authority Social Services to be able to do this. I really want the three of us to be a family again. SS said that if I return then it will be failure to protect and they would start a Legal Meeting. Is there any way we would be able to live together again even if my partner has really changed his behaviour and we commit to working with SS.

Original poster
Walkinganywhere · 12/10/2022 20:39

Don't worry, I have no intention of "saving my marriage". It's just a time thing while I sort things with least disruption to my child. I understand why a referal has been made and will make the most of any contact with ss to benefit myself and my child. I didn't want to just uproot into emergency accomodation when we are and always have been physically, and currently emotionally, safe.

OP posts:
kitcat15 · 12/10/2022 20:45

You will likely have a family assessment completed....your child will be spoken to by the SW ...they often complete work with that feels like play to children but designed to find out their feelings , wishes and worries

FTMChar · 16/10/2022 08:34

I’m sorry but I truly do not believe that emotional abusers change. I’m speaking from experience btw. It’s a cycle. It doesn’t matter how long they’ve ‘stopped’ for, the abuse will creep back in and before you know it you’re back to square one. Please, OP and @youngmum0101 - if not for yourselves then for the sake of your children, GET OUT.

Original poster
Walkinganywhere · 16/10/2022 18:01

Thank-you.
I am seeking support and taking steps to leave. I'm beginning to see signs that he won't be able to maintain it but nothing aimed at anyone. So yes, I will be getting out or getting him to leave.

OP posts:
WhatsAVideo · 16/10/2022 18:31

FTMChar · 16/10/2022 08:34

I’m sorry but I truly do not believe that emotional abusers change. I’m speaking from experience btw. It’s a cycle. It doesn’t matter how long they’ve ‘stopped’ for, the abuse will creep back in and before you know it you’re back to square one. Please, OP and @youngmum0101 - if not for yourselves then for the sake of your children, GET OUT.

They don’t change.

They continue to abuse the mothers of their children via court, face to face, phone, email, whatever.

They continue to abuse their children.

They get a new girlfriend who moves in, they abuse her in front of the child, but SS and family court don’t seem to give a shit about that.

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