Leaving work to pick up child?

[ChristmasYet]

Not sure who's being unreasonable here, but I'm quite peed off with my ex to be honest.

I'm having health issues at the minute, had a hospital appointment today and was told I need a scan asap. Scan department called and offered me one for tomorrow at 11.
My dd needs picking up from nursery at 3 so this should be fine, but, just in case of any serious delays I called my ex (dds dad) and let him know, told him it was extremely unlikely but if needed could he collect dd from nursery?

He has flat out said no. He's working. Now he's not got the sort of job he can't leave easily, he's working from home and often pops to the shop or to post a parcel. Nevermind the amount of times I've been called out of work or had to stay home because dd is unwell or has a hospital appointment of her own. I think it's completely fine for him to have to take an hour off for his daughter but he thinks I'm being ridiculous and entitled.

Thoughts?

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I agree with you. If you are unavailable and unable to make alternative arrangements then it's reason to think of the other parent as the obvious option.

When your child is sick I would hope you take it in turns picking them up from nursery/school and staying home with them?

Start as you mean to go on, it's all part of parenting

Perhaps he has a meeting? Or needs more notice?

@HesDeadBenYouCanStopNow no it's always me taking time off when she needs it. He refuses because "he works" I also work. I'm the default parent in all situations.

I would have given them his number and left it at that. He's her parent too. She's just as much his responsibility in an emergency.

She'd be at nursery and cared for. If these needed her picking up they can call him.

He'd be on the list of emergency contacts anyway wouldn't he?

Don't say a word just do it.

As a manager I get frustrated if one of my team is put in that position. I expect the burden of parent hood to be shared. When one partner takes all the load on it can impact performance, job enjoyment and career opportunities.

It's part of the issue of wage gaps etc. women end up not putting themselves forwards for promotion during the early years as they worry about the parenting load.

As a parent he has as much responsibility as you do.

Tell him to be careful in his answer. He might need a favour from you soon and the answer would be hell no, regardless of his arm hanging off.

He’s being a dick about this.

And he needs to do his share of her appointments etc. Does he only have her at weekends?

Unfortunately you can't force him to step up and be a reliable co-parent. This syndrome is also known as being a selfish lazy arsehole and is highly prevalent among non-resident dads (and a lot of resident ones too).

I'm afraid he definitely suffers from selfish lazy arsehole syndrome. He sees her for a few hours at the weekend but not over night. Often brings her home early for important reasons such as "she hasn't done a wee yet and I was worried she'd wet herself" (I even provide him with spare clothes just in case.) And has decided not to pay child maintenance this month. Just because.

Not really sure why I was expecting him to agree to tomorrow. Suppose I thought for a second he might be supportive while I'm concerned about my health.

If he's not paying maintenance, you should go through CMS to ensure you receive it.

I do agree he should pick up his child tomorrow, however if it's on your 'day' contact wise, you should arrange alternative childcare for tomorrow. It is your responsibility on your days.

I do personally think he's a bit of a nob for not helping though when you're going for an emergency scan!

Are you relying on informal agreements with him? I think you should make things official. CMS for maintenance and mediation or solicitor for an agreement on his access and responsibilities. He can’t refuse to ever look after his child whilst also not paying maintenance. You’re left in an impossible position where you can’t work but can’t afford not to work. Formalise it all before the situation becomes desperate for you.