At wits end with 3 year old and dog

[thissoundsbad]

I know how terrible this sounds and I do want to preface it by saying I have had my dog for 5 years and do love him very much.

My 3 year old was never particularly interested in the dog and hadn't had any issues. A few months ago however he just became a nightmare. He won't leave him alone, he follows him everywhere, tries to full body hug him, gives him loads of kisses, saying he's hugging him but he has him in a headlock, sits on him, climbs on him, whenever the dog is sat somewhere comfy he beelines for him until he moves. I obviously don't allow these things and I'm forever having to pull him off him. When I have to forcibly remove him, or when I see him heading for him and I physically stop him (nothing aggressive, just pick up walk away) he has nuclear tantrums. Overall he's very reasonable and can communicate well, the only tantrums of this severity are always linked to the dog. He will go for gold and scream and cry and hit and scratch and even wee and shout that he wants to get the dog and that he's cross so he is going to wee on me. Again this behaviour never happens outside of being told to leave the dog alone.

I'm heavily pregnant and having a hard time in general, and I'm totally worn down. I've tried reward charts, ignoring the bad and praising the good but it's difficult because I have to physically intervene here as it's involving an animal. The best outcome is if I can see that he's heading in his direction and I can distract him without having to intervene and physically stop him but this only works if he's not overly determined and was just wondering over there, if he's decided he's going to the dog then he doesn't stop and I have to physically intervene and then he goes mental on me for an hour.

I'm trying to leave the dog in a different room, he goes and hunts him down. I can't bare it anymore. I've started sending him to afternoon club after school just to avoid the situation and it makes me feel guilty that I'm choosing my dog over my son, he's only going to be this little once and I'm sending him away because I don't know how to sort his behaviour out around the dog. I don't understand why this is the only issue. My dog went to stay with my mum for a week when I nearly had a breakdown I was so fed up and it was the calmest week, he just didn't have any tantrums

I honestly don't think I can deal with having a dog and a child anymore. It's been a few months of this now and we aren't getting anywhere. Please help,

Dog is a cavalier and is an absolute softie but doesn't deserve this

I think you need to find somewhere calm and safe for your dog to live, to be honest.

I also think that your son's behaviour is probably related to your pregnancy. Little kids can feel very insecure and unsettled when they know there's another baby on the way, and it could well be that he's projecting a need for security and affection onto the dog. My niece was similar with their bunnies when my sister was pregnant.

Could you buy him a big stuffed toy Cavalier, and make a really big deal about it being his? Even stage a welcome home party for it, with a picnic, a banner, whatever. Get him involved in building a bed for it in his room, choosing a name, everything.

Then explain that the real dog has a poorly leg (or something) and needs a lot of time to recover. At the next vet visit, get the vet to explain that cuddling the dog will make the poorly leg even worse and that he absolutely must not do it. Also get the vet to praise him to the skies for being gentle with the dog.

I know it's very elaborate, but... worth a try!

I'd definately be tempted with the big stuffed toy idea.

Maybe even something like this: www.amazon.co.uk/Ageless-Innovation-Joy-Companion-Freckled/dp/B00CWY1U74/ref=asc_df_B00CWY1U74/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=500997513116&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=1044745363994303881&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1006745&hvtargid=pla-1186560123033&psc=1&th=1&psc=1

I'd also use think about a specific routine, such as

• morning time you both feed then walk the dog
• back for lunch
• afternoons the dog lies down in another room for a rest and you and your son do something different together, like artwork Something engaging but that doesn't involve the dog.
• You both feed the dog at teatime

So your son is still involved with the dog. Or maybe if he has a toy then he 'feeds' his toy at those times? Still involved, but not in ways that encourage cuddling or rough handling the dog - if you see what I mean?

Maybe also your mum might take the dog 1 day a week, to give you a break? Just till your son grows out of this phase.

Have you tried being very blunt? A sharp “No!” Followed by immediately picking him up and sitting him on the naughty step. Don’t pander to tantrums, walk away, only respond to put him back on naughty step and don’t get drawn in. Be really firm. Do the same thing every time. It might take weeks but consistency is important rather than variety of consequences.

I like to let the toddler have about 20 seconds by himself then I go and sit with him as soon as there’s a break in the crying, and I talk to him about what happened. Just simple words. “You have hurt the dog. Don’t hurt the dog. Dog is sad. You are sad. Don’t hurt the dog.” Big hug before he goes back to play.

Same with the weeing. He’s locked onto the idea you don’t like it. Be firm. “Weeing naughty. No weeing on mummy. Wee in toilet. Wee on mummy? No biscuits!”

This is your poor dog right now but what if he learns this is acceptable and acts like this around the newborn? Not handling the behaviour is not an option. You have to be really firm, the softly softly approach isn’t teaching him boundaries.

The issue of rehousing the dog is separate and I would return to it once your child has learned not to behave like this.