Really struggling with my 6yo in mornings/bedtime/meal times

[CreatingHavoc]

For example, getting dressed/undressed, brushing teeth, eating breakfast. She just won't do anything or does it incredibly slowly. We were running a bit late for school this morning for various reasons (I try very hard to avoid this because she is so slow but it happens) so we needed to be quick. She finds this impossible, however. I must have asked her at least 20 times to take her pyjamas off but she just ignores me and does something else or makes excuses and says she's tired/cold/doesn't want to.

My 10 year old got herself ready in 10-15 minutes, by which time 6yo was still on pyjamas. So after asking nicely so many times to take her pj's off I got cross with her and just took them off for her and got her dressed myself, which obviously made her upset and now I feel horrible and guilty. I did apologise later for getting cross but I still feel crap about it.

Then after I'd done her hair I set her up with her tooth brush to do her teeth but she just stands there not doing anything. I don't understand it. Why can't she just do the thing she's been asked to do? It's driving me insane. It's almost like the quicker we need to be the slower she is.

Meal time are also difficult as she faffs and messes about with anything and everything. Or she will tap the side of her bowl/plate or the table instead of eating. She is like this at school as well and teachers have commented on it a few times, how fidgety and slow she is. Not academically slow, just physically. She takes an age to do anything.

I can just about cope with it all normally and I normally have a lot more patience than today but I'm full of a stinking cold, she woke me up in the night because she heard a noise she didn't like and then had to come in my bed so I've had a terrible night's sleep and I was somewhat less patient than usual this morning :( it's no good for any of us when I'm not patient with her or get cross with her so I really do need to find a way to help her to hurry the hell up in a nice way. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

No advice but solidarity- our 5yo is similarly lacking in any sense of urgency in the morning and it drives me mad! She just has no sense of time passing at all so our haranguing doesn't make much sense to her. Have you tried "DD by the time the long hand is at the X I expect you to have got your uniform on" or whatever?

Assuming you've tried all the usual approaches - bribery, timer, racing, songs etc etc - I'd just stop bothering with getting her to do it herself, and just dress her and brush her teeth herself. Eating, set a reasonable time limit and then take the plate away when time is up and tough luck if she hasn't eaten. It won't take long for her to figure out that if she doesn't want to be hungry and treated like a baby that she'll need to get a move on.

Could she need a visual timer like a countdown on a clock or something? Maybe a written schedule of how the morning will go?

Have you thought about creating a visual timetable for her to follow?
I did this for my dd because I was tired of saying the same things every morning. Now she has a whiteboard with the list of things that need to be done and a little picture to move across when it’s done. It’s written in order they need to be done and then the last thing is watch tv -only possible if everything is done in good time.
Children sometimes resist doing things without realising they are resisting if they need more independence.

She sounds like me as a child. Have you considered dyspraxia?

@MadameCholetsDirtySecret I have more been wondering if she is perhaps ADHD but I'll look in to dyspraxia, thanks.

@MolliciousIntent I've tried lots of things but they either only work temporarily or don't work at all. Racing works sometimes at bedtime but not in the morning because she's normally still eating breakfast while I'm getting dressed or I'm dressed before she's even out of bed.

@Greydogs123 the visual timer/checklist is a good idea. I'm going to set this up now! I hope it works 🤞