DH too busy?

[blocachoc]

DH 46

2 boys 7&8

One wakes in night so broken sleep.

9-6 demanding WFH job. Travelling to meetings/office etc once a week.

Elderly parent in home with degenerative disease. Visits weekday lunchtime and a weekend afternoon.

2 weekly hobbies. Weight training and cycling Mon and Fri lunchtimes.

Rugby coach for kids team twice a week. One weekday eve and full matches on weekend morning.

Socialises twice a week.

Watches TV with me 3 nights a week. Always knackered.

Always first to help people if need it but says yes to everything then considers practicality afterwards.

I get some people need/like to be busy and he says he winds down from work with sport but is this too much? Worried he's not getting much rest.

(I do all school runs/cooking/cleaning/parenting admin plus WFH PT)

Is he worried about not getting enough rest?

No. I've raised it with him before and he says I'll take that on board but then carries on. He can't relax easily but maybe that's just how he's wired.

Apart from the rugby stuff, does he he spend time with the children? Does he do other things with them?

If it's affecting his ability to be an equal partner in the home (as I suspect it is considering you say you do all the cooking, cleaning and life admin), then yes he's too busy.

Don't frame it around "he needs more rest" -- that's his business and up to him to decide.

But if YOU need him to step up at home and he's using all these hobbies and activities to get out of the drudgery of family life, then you need to speak up and raise your expectations of him. Sounds like he's having his cake and eating it too, while you literally clean up the mess after him. I wouldn't be having any of it, personally!

Some people like to be always busy.

He loves to be busy. He's an equal partner. He is attentive to the kids and gives them every spare moment he has. Does the washing up and some bedtimes.

He will watch a film/TV with them sometimes but prefers to play run around sport with them i.e playing rugby in the garden. I had to put foot down yesterday as all out there over teatime on Sunday and no-one ate the tea I'd cooked for them as all worked up and arguing. That needs to be their wind down time IMO.

You're right Endlesslaundry123. It is up to him how he rests.

In your shoes I’d be bothered that he was spending all his energy on other people and I was just someone to flop and watch TV with. Do you ever go out together? Does he have energy to chat to you, think of things to do together, keep a decent relationship going? (I don’t mean sex though that too!)

gives them every spare moment he has doesn’t sound like he has much spare time for them though really.

We managed a meal out last week (no local family) which happens once every few months. We chat and have a laugh every day. Writing it all down he really does try his best for all of us. I feel like he spreads himself too thinly tho. For some reason, getting them all worked up at tea bath and bedtime really irked me! Just wish he'd slow down at points of the day when they need to. It's like he's trying to squeeze it all in?

So despite you working part time all the housework and kid stuff is on you because he's busy being popular and important