LO hates cot - please help!

[Morvena]

My 6 month old hates his new cot 😞 he have grown out of the next to me crib we were using and are now in a standard wooden cot. Once asleep he’ll sleep fine in it but omg getting to sleep is PAINFUL. Crying and whinging no matter how much I sit next to the cot. I have tried shushing, patting, stroking, playing white noise, playing lullabies, sitting silently and nothing works at all. Tonight I sat for 50 minutes doing this, he kept drifting off then waking after a few minutes and crying again. In the end I gave in as I didn’t want him getting overtired and upset, and lifted him out. If I hold him or even put him on top of the bed and lie next to him, he’s deep asleep inside 5 minutes! So I guess I need tips on how to break this habit and get him able to settle in the cot. I really don’t want to resort to crying methods, I think he’s still a little young anyway for that. Just scared I’m making a “rod for my back” as they say by lifting him out.

Depends what you personally consider to be a rod for your own back really. My eldest fell asleep on me until well over 1, then I'd just pop him on the cot asleep. By 3 he was totally independent at going off to sleep.

If you don't want to use crying methods, then get used to spending up to an hour to put him to sleep each night.

If you persevere with encouraging sleep in the cot, he WILL get it and settling will slowly become easier. Unfortunately there is no magic solution that will cause your baby to fall asleep within a few minutes. Persevere with everything you are doing.

DS was like this. He would sort of sleep if my hand was on him, so I spent a few weeks sleeping on his bedroom floor with my hand through the cot bars. Then I got too exhausted doing that (ie I was falling asleep while feeding him, which was dangerous), so ended up bringing a mattress in to lie on, and taking his mattress out of his cot and putting it beside mine, and we co-slept on the floor for a while. Then I decided we might as well just co-sleep in bed, which we did until he was about 2.5 and started sleeping through the night - by then he was able to go into a toddler bed, which he liked.

Obviously if you're going to co-sleep, look up how to do it safely.

Thanks both. It’s reassuring to know it will get easier if I keep trying, and also reassuring to know that littles can eventually learn independent sleep even if we have to hold them etc when young. Personally I didn’t mind it but talking to a couple of friends who can just put their babies wide awake into the cot and leave them to fall asleep with no crying or anything made me worry that I’m doing it all wrong!

Completely agree with @SatinHeart

My DS still falls asleep on me - he’s almost 2. I have a big comfy armchair in his room that we sit in and have a cuddle while he falls asleep. Tbh, I planned to move away from that method from about 18m but we’ve had a lot of upheaval over the last few months selling our house and having to move into a rental for a few months before our house was ready so I decided just to hold off with any other changes for him until we’re settled in our new house.
I don’t personally consider it a rod for my own back but I know many would. After a day at work or a day running around after him I quite enjoy my wee half hour just cuddling up with my boy before I have to get started on all the chores 🤣

DD Co-slept as a baby, then transitioned to her toddler bed when much older. Never slept in a cot once. We sat with her whilst she fell asleep for a while, now we (age 3) we just do book, kiss, tuck in and walk out. I did all the co-sleeping, contact napping, feed to sleeping rod making things and she's totally independent. Just in her own time. Whether you're happy to go with their flow or want to speed it up is personal preference and individual parent/family needs.

He is still young OP. It will be new to him too. My daughter went through a phase just before she turned one where she wanted rocked to sleep. It was a killer on the back but I loved it. Then I literally had to throw her in her cot as it was the lowest level and I'm short. It never lasted long as we took the sides of her cot bed when she turned 1. If it works for you. I admittedly done the cry it out method for a bit and within 3 nights she was down and settled it was hard but it worked for us. Xx

Rod for your back and bad habits are a load of crap.
cuddle, rock and feed your baby to sleep, it’s nature!
we never had a cot, went to a floor bed instead!

What worked to get him to sleep in the next to me? What sleep cues did you use there? Perhaps try putting a t-shirt of yours in the cot (but only until he falls asleep).

Is the new environment colder? darker? Can you try replicating the old environment as best as possible? Same type of sheets, same bedding, teddies, all his usual sleep cues? On the plus side you haven't mentioned having to do this repeatedly in the night so it seems he is well able to settle himself between sleep cycles, that's really great news!

Worth noting, it is bang on for the 6 months sleep regression which can last a few weeks. It wasn't a fun phase but if you persist with consistent sleep cues they do come out of it.

Also worth checking his sleep/ nap schedule. Is he tired when you are putting him down? Is he having a sufficient wake window or even too long one before bed?

Sorry you are going through this, long bed times are such a pain and I hope you find a solution that works for you soon! ❤️

Another fan of the floor bed. DD hated her cot and loved a mattress on the floor. I’d feed her lying next to her then roll away once she was down. Life was better once I stopped trying to settle her in the cot or transfer her once she was asked. She has a floor bed in her room at 3, moved happily into her own room and a full size single mattress at 2.

You'll find what works for you. Loads of babies hate cots, they’re like cages no matter how nice they can be to look at. I won’t get one again.

Do you have a Moses basket? When we transferred our son to his cot we first put him in it in a Moses basket so the sudden change to a big space wasn't so dramatic :)

The cot is in our room so the environment is the same. Room is always about 18° and always has been so he’s used to that. When in the next to me I was able to lie at eye level which was soothing I think. Now I’m unable to do that so I’m sitting looking down on him I guess which is maybe unnerving 😂 during the night is fine, a few dummy runs but always goes straight back over when it’s put in and I’m working on teaching doing that during the day. I do like the Moses basket suggestion but he’s much too big now to physically fit in one unfortunately.
Wake windows I’m always careful about as well as nap lengths and I think it was okay as he was drowsy tonight when I attempted the cot. Thanks for all the suggestions though and it’s reassured me I’m doing all I can to make him comfy and settled, and the rest will come in time.