Visiting Smokers

[Vimto1991]

Hi all, my LO is 4 months old. DH’s parents live far away and have collectively (they’re divorced) only seen her three times, his brother only twice. I’m an only child and my parents live close so feels crucial she regularly sees some family.
however, my parents smoke quite a lot in their house. The comprise is I visit for 1-2 hours every two weeks. They don’t smoke in the house for an hour before we visit and open the windows to get the fresh air in. We’re still coming home stinking if smoke some visits and I can’t help but worry on putting my daughters health at risk. My mom can’t drive and my dads disabled so they don’t entertain the idea of visiting us even alternating visits where I drive them as my dad doesn’t feel he able to walk up our drive.
just wondering if anyone else’s situation is like mine and can offer any advice? Im stuck between harming my daughters health or the potential she never sees any family. Just feels like no one cares about my little baby. :(

Following as I have the same issue. I’ve actually never taken my son to my parents’ house for this reason. My mum doesn’t drive either so if she comes to us, I have to drive 20 mins to pick her up and drop her off or she has to get a taxi. I would love her to see more of him but I don’t know the answer!

I wouldn't be comfortable visiting their house at all.

Just feels like no one cares about my little baby. :(

I understand op = you want to give her an extended family, and people to love her. But - it is what it is. Nicotine addiction is grim. You have a toss up there.

Your baby is very young. I would be reluctant to expose my baby at that time of her life. She will not form a bond anyway at an hour every two weeks. Maybe continue seeing them solo and later, when your child is more established you can bring her along.

I recognise how hard that is.

They aren't going to stop smoking and you can't expect them to change their habit in their own house. Surely just meet them outside the house somewhere? Easier in better weather obviously but I'm sure you could find suitable places even allowing for your dad's disabilities? They could get the bus or you could give them a lift? Ask them to put fresh clothes on before you see them? They will have to metaphorically meet you in the middle somewhere if they want a relationship with their grandchild. I wouldn't spend much time at their house either - the risks of passive smoking are well known now and frequent exposure can have very negative long term effects.

Imagine putting smoking indoors ahead of your grandchild. Sorry OP, it must hurt. I wouldn't take my child to a smoky house.

Agree with everyone here.

My grandad is a chain smoker and I've told him he can't be around my child if he's had a cigarette that day.

He only smokes outside the house so I can still visit my grandma since the house is smoke free.

My grandad refuses to go without a cigarette and therefore he doesn't have access to my baby.

Nope, they need to start smoking outside if they want you to visit. And I say that as a casual smoker with young children.