Am I teaching my son to be a push over?

[Whathefisgoingon]

My 2.5 year old boy is very sweet natured. We had a brief stint of “MINE!” a few months back but other than that, he is gold.

Recently we’ve had quite a few encounters at playgrounds where my son will be about to climb on something and a younger child will come over wanting it for themselves. Or, if we take toys to the park and another child takes them, most of the time I speak to my son about it and explain that maybe we can let them have a go/play first as they’re little, and he agrees. Then he usually runs off to do something else and we come back to it. I find myself putting the wants of other children before my own, I suppose in my mind I’m teaching him to be kind but am I actually!? What does everyone else do? Often the other children’s parents aren’t nearby so they don’t explain to their child that my son was there first etc

Depends on the situation really, if it’s younger children on the play equipment then I’d usually encourage him to be kind about it as they don’t know any better. DS is 3.5.

If older kids are trying to jump in front of him I encourage him to take his turn / keep climbing etc. I don’t let other kids play with his toys tbh unless they’re playing with him, if you know what I mean. And he’s happy to share.

off topic but it really agitates me when parents don’t supervise their kids.

A really important skill you learn parenting is that the boundaries, compromises and decisions you make for yourself are different than those you make for your child.

I can choose to be timid and give in and be passive and all those things for myself. I can make decision that compromise and aren't right in the moment. But when it's for my child, or when she's looking, I have to be brave and kind and assertive and do the right thing. Even if it's really really hard.

You'll have to die inside and do the right thing. It will get easier. It might even help you be more assertive for yourself.

You’re not telling the other child no, you’re just gently explaining their turn is after your child’s. They still get a turn!

You can make it a positive eg say a child tries to push in front to climb up the slide, you could say: “Oh my little one was waiting so they’re going to go up first, but when you have your turn, I bet you’re going to whoosh so fast down that slide, aren’t you!” No telling off, no awkwardness, but still a firm reinforcement of boundaries so your child isn’t learning they have to constantly defer to others.

As "the other child's parent" I absolutely hate when parents tell their child to let mine go first if it isn't her turn, or force their child to share with mine. I much prefer other parents to teach fairness and hold boundaries as it reinforces what I teach her too. So if you told my daughter "oops it's Charlie's turn now, you can have a try after" I would be extremely happy!!

In that case that child’s parent should be present and if they aren’t then tough cookie.
I am a childminder and frequently have to be diplomat between children whilst the other parents are having a chinwag. If they were annoyed then they should put down their flat whites and participate 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’d tell me own kid to go (down the slide or whatever) because another child is waiting to have their turn next. Gets the point across whilst not having to tell a strangers kid to do something, which I also find awkward!

I wouldn’t leave toys just on the floor where they can be picked up to be honest, either DC is playing with them, and whether or not they want other kids to join in is up to them and I stay out of it, or I pack them away.