Prepare me for a 2 year 4 month age gap

[dogmum00]

I've currently got my ds who is turning 2 in a few weeks and a baby boy due February. My ds is still very clingy and wants to be picked up all the time. He requires a lot of attention and isn't great at playing on his own. I can't see this improving in the next 4 months so wanted to ask of people's experiences. Is it going to be as hard as I imagine it to be?

It will be tiring yes. Especially at first. I don’t know how things work where you are but our kids start school nursery age three so that was a plus. The other one is that they are close enough together to have things in common as they get older. I’ve sort of learned the hard way. My last one is 8 years older than my baby. The shorter age gap with the older ones meant we did things as a family. Now it sort of feels like a divorce. There’s nothing 11 and 8 can or want to do that an 11 week old does. It won’t get better in the future either. 5 year olds don’t have much in common with 13 and 16 year olds. When you’re in the thick of it hold into that thought.

My daughters are exactly 2 years and 4 months apart - and it's brilliant. They are now 13 and 11 and although very hormonal right now they look out for each other and get on really well. The first few months were tough but be kind to each other and it will be fine. My eldest managed to potty train herself in the first few months as she said she was a big girl and didn't need a nappy like the baby so that was another bonus as I obviously didn't have the time to try and work through that.

I am really happy that they had time together before school starting. I am 3.5years older than my sister and she 3.5 years older than the youngest and we never had that much in common so I am glad that my daughters age gap is much closer. As previous poster mentioned its much easier to do stuff as a family that both girls will be into too.

Best of luck

Mine have a 2.5 year gap. We had no family help. I put DS1 an extra day in nursery, put DS2 there too at five months and escaped back to work three days a week for a break! It absolutely saved me, I still found those first three years with two exhausting.
They're now 19 and 17 and I would still choose the same gap again. All the very best parts of parenting, the festivities, holidays and days out over the years were so much easier as they could be catered to suit both.

I have this age gap between my first two boys. They are 6 and 4 now and it’s great they enjoy the same kind of activities and the same kind of toys. I also pass clothes directly from one to another as my 6 year is pretty skinny and my 4 year old is a chunk.

Very, very normal age gap. Many people have less than 2 years apart. It will be fine. You’ll find your mojo and soon enough your older child won’t remember life before the baby. And they will be great playmates (hopefully) when they are a bit older.

I will have my DD2 soon and will have around this age gap so hanging around for the tips! But one thing I will say is that DD1 is so very different now to when she had just turned 2. She was a very clingy toddler who had only JUST stopped BF then. But... She's suddenly stopped wanting me to pick her up/carry her when I get her from nursery - now walks out holding my hand. Goes to bed best with Daddy rather than me. Is delighted if her Grandad offers to take her out on her scooter, whereas before she would have panicked and clung to me crying. Eats a much wider range of foods. Plays more independently. Everything is better in her eyes if she can do it herself now - I DO IT! So do expect some changes between now and when your second arrives.

My DD are 2.5y apart and we survived (they are teens now). DD2 never any good at playing on her own etc. I think my eldest always resented DD2, but I think she would have at any age - and actually DD2 is really good for her. I think it’s always quite unpredictable how any children will gel together.

I have this gap and mine are now 1 and 3. My eldest sounds similar to yours in terms of clinginess. I found it a massive shift in the early days, and it took us a bit of time to get into a rhythm for certain things but you all get there eventually. Things are a bit easier now the youngest is walking and they’re starting to have their own relationship which is sweet. I’m still in bed by 9 every night though, they’re exhausting!

This is the exact age gap my children had and I absolutely loved it. Don't be negative about it before it even gets here. It will be tiring but that doesn't mean it won't be lovely. Young children are tiring, no matter what.

Why can’t you see this improving in the next 4 months? 4 months is quite a long time in a toddlers lifespan. You could start preparing your child to be more independent by encouraging independent play etc. There is 2 years 3 months between my eldest two and I found that an ideal age gap tbh.

Perfect age gap!

I have 2 years 3 months between mine. I think when DC1 hit 2y7m everything got a million times easier as he had a language breakthrough (ASD, was mostly nonverbal until then). I was a solo parent when DC2 was 6 weeks old until she was 8 months, and the things that helped were:

Double buggy. Don’t put pressure on yourself to get DC1 walking places when you’re out alone with two.

Prioritise DC1 for a cuddle/attention etc unless DC2’s issues are urgent. DC1 needs to know nothing has changed between you.

I got DC1 a baby doll to put him in the role of carer not baby. He didn’t take to it as well as I’d hoped but it did help him process.

I treated DC1 like a baby when he over-egged things for attention because he’d seen his sister getting cuddles etc in a way that makes it clear we are pretending and he’s really a big boy. I also shut down any attempts to push her etc very swiftly.

The hardest bits were night feeds, so I cosleep with both DCs, and bathtimes, so DC1 goes in the bath, occupies himself while I dip DC2 in the bath for a quick splash then I dry her on the landing so I’m never out of sight of DC1 when he’s in the water.

Make everything as easy as possible and don’t worry too much about getting everything perfect. Eat lots of snacks to keep your energy up. My two adore each other. 💖

It'll be fine. 2 years between each of my three. Absolutely fine even I'd DC 1 & 2. Having DC was more tiring as the eldest had started school.

There's really nothing to prepare for.

My dd1 and ds are almost exactly 2 years apart then there's 22 months between ds and dd2. I had 3 under 4 for a bit.

My biggest help was being organised, a bit ahead of the game. Dh was a great help with this. After bedtime I'd put on some washing and restock the nappy bag and the changing basket in the lounge. I had a wee box of toys and snacks in the lounge to give to dd1 while ds was feeding and got used to reading stories while breastfeeding!

I also dropped my standards, and also got a mothers help/cleaner twice a week for 3 hours. Stopped ironing, left things until the amazing Isabel arrived on Tuesday and Friday, and we probably watched a bit too much tv. CBeebies launched a week before ds was born and was an absolute lifesaver!

All the best - it'll be fine!