How do you know when your family is complete?

[HazyDays81]

Just that really. Friends of mine said they knew they were done after having 2 children. I have 3 DS (age 11, 9 & 4). I’ve wanted another for the last couple of years & was over the moon to be pregnant. Sadly I ended up having a TFMR. Now age 41 I feel like time is running out. How do you know it’s time to enjoy the next stage of life?

I think you either just know, as some people do. I definitely did after our third. But if you don’t get that feeling of certainty then I guess it’s case of deciding whether you can make peace with where you are and move on. If you’ve wanted another baby for a couple of years then you’re obviously not done in an emotional sense. But if having another baby doesn’t feel like the right thing to do for practical, health or any set of reasons then you need to decide whether you can come to terms with that and embrace the post tiny children stage of life and all that’s amazing about it looking ahead. We’re just coming out of it and I do feel bittersweet about it but I know we’re ready to move on. I think I’d be finding it very hard though if we’d hadn’t gone for our third and I was always wondering what if. So it is a hard one to come to terms with and there’s no official answer is there?

I knew after my first,I told my partner I'd think about one more,I had a complicated pregnancy though,& after about 3 years I fell pregnant again unexpectedly & I knew then that was it,I had another complicated pregnancy & knew I could never do it again,2 inductions at 35 weeks & multiple hospital stays there was no way esp with young kids its not fair on them either. I'm now a single mother so there is no chance of anymore for me

Don’t know. Like you I’ve never felt it. Wonders if I would this time as I’ve just had my first girl but nope. Still want another couple more

You just know, you have a feeling that your done. I have 2 DC 6years old and 4 months and the thought of another fills me with dread. Both my pregnancies were complicated and I hate being pregnant.

Yeah I just knew. All my life I said I wanted 2 children, and as soon as I had my 2nd I knew I was done.

We said we were done after our second but I never felt like we were and once he reached 1 I knew I definitely wanted another one. Now that our third is here I feel like we are done. I would love a large family and would love to have a couple more, however i know financially and logistically that three is the perfect number for us.

When my DH said he didn’t want any more.

I would love a load of children. It is impossible sadly. We have been through so much IVF, spent a lot of money and are very lucky to be expecting a second child soon. I feel that we need to draw a line and pour all our resources into the family we have rather than pursuing more.

I always had a little pang for another. That ended at age 42, for several reasons including my children both at school, periods going wonky, and the next generation down (a niece) starting her family. It felt like we’d moved fully on to the next stage in our lives.

Sorry for your pregnancy loss, that must make it much harder to feel like your family is ever complete.

I just knew. It took 5 though but I’m so happy now with our family and there’s no way I’d want another baby. The thought fills me with dread. DH is getting a vasectomy as I’m so sure I don’t want any more

But before our youngest I’d never had that feeling. You definitely know when you don’t want more Xx

I’m glad I’m not the only one! I feel very lucky I have 3 children already, it’s just that maternal urge for another which doesn’t seem to go away. DH looks at the practical side whereas I’m definitely led by my emotions. When I was pregnant with my fourth I was so happy. To go through a TFMR was heartbreaking. Before that happened I had already looked way ahead into the future picturing us as a family of 6. Now my youngest is at school too there just feels like a gaping hole. The last 11 years have been about raising my family and I feel sad the days of having a baby may be over. I’d like to think if we did have another I would then feel complete but who knows.

During my fourth labour. I had gone to bed early as I was tired, woke having labour pains, midwife came, labour carried on and I thought I can't be bothered to have this baby, so I had no more.

The idea of another 5 years of broken sleep. The fact that I've tried vaginal and csection and was enamoured of neither. The fact that we don't have another bedroom. The fact I'm in my forties. So, I'm done with two!

I knew after my first (ivf) I didn't feel "finished" but also knew I might not have a choice.
After my second (natural surprise) came along and has been the hardest and grumpiest baby known to man, I know I'm finished.

Added to that was the induction and then emcs which I have absolutely no desire to risk again..... I'm done.

I have one and am so torn every day, but leaning towards another. I'm almost 39, have a gorgeous 1 year old. Had a very rough pregnancy and an even rougher birth. The first year was hellish as much as joyful with no family help around and partner working full time. But I'd like two and think/hope we can manage. I've tried to imagine not having more and it feels wrong somehow.

Not so much a case of ‘just knowing’ for us.
although, I never wanted kids, then when I changed my mind I only wanted one, then when that one was born I knew quite quickly that I wanted another. Part of me feels like it was because I had complications with my first, that resulted in an early planned c-section. So I mourned the healthy happy pregnancy I thought I’d have being a young fit women I didn’t expect there to be much to go wrong, naively - I also mourned the birth. I never experienced a contract, no braxton hicks, no show and although many people told me I was ‘lucky’ not to need to go through it, I still mourned it.

So we decided on another baby once I’d reached the ultimate ‘safe zone’ 12 months after my section. We agreed that we can afford a second child comfortably and afford to upsize our home to accommodate a second.. but we couldn’t finically afford anymore, and that if the next baby was complicated and resulted in another c-section then I would have my tubes removed, because then even if we could afford a third the risk to me and the baby with any subsequent pregnancy’s would be too high for us to want to risk.

We started trying 12 month after DD was born, conceived 7 months later and DS was born by emergency c-section. Which sealed our fate for us really. My body doesn’t agree with birth and we’re grateful to have the two children we do have. Unfortunately with the emergency c-section we were already scared and anxious to go in, so we opted out of having my tubes removed and decided DP will have a vasectomy instead.

I regret not having my tubes removed while I was already open on the table. If I could go back I would have said yes. So I guess that feeling of regret of not having my tubes removed confirmed that we just know we don’t want more kids, but there were a lot of previous factors that we discussed anyway that meant we decided not to have anymore.

I’d also like to know the answer to this. Always wanted 3 kids and have 2 now. Second born in lockdown and I had PND and found it all really hard. But now she is almost 2 and potty trained, I’ve stopped bf and she is talking a lot…I can’t stop thinking about a third. A few friends have recently had their second/announced second pregnancies and I’m just so jealous.

We can’t do it right now as I’ve just moved jobs and want to see how DC1 settles into school etc, but I’m going to see how I feel in 6-12 months and if the urge is still there we may act on it!