Feeling guilty for not breastfeeding

[alwayscake]

My baby is 4 months old, I’m a FTM and I was so overwhelmed when she was first born. Looking back i was in a real daze and I struggled. I was always on the fence with breastfeeding but then tried when she was born and for various reasons it just didn’t seem to work out and I ended up giving into just formula feeding after a few weeks.

She’s thrived with formula, gaining weight, happy on it. Much happier than when I tried breast feeding.

now I’m feeling clearer I all of a sudden have a real pang of guilt that I couldn’t breastfeed and wish I persevered with it and tried harder.

I don’t even know why. I can’t shake it and it’s making me really upset.
I guess I’m looking for reassurance that I did the right thing for us at that time.

You 100% did the right thing for you.

A fed baby and a happy mum are so important.

You’re doing great 💐

The newborn dog is a real thing. It lifts around 3/4 months and then all of us look back and think 'why did I / didn't I do that?'

For some that might be feeding, for some it will be something else.

Acknowledge the feeling but then let it pass. You did the right thing for you at the time and you can't go back and make any other choice

Fog not dog

It was the right choice for your situation! The stress from trying to make it work wouldn't have outweighed any possible benefits.

Oh, and it would have been 100% fine if you didn't want to do it for any reason (even if you didn't find it difficult).

The ship may have sailed, but it's probably not too late to relatch your baby and bring your milk back in. If you wanted to I'd speak to a lactation consultant. It would take real perseverance though and it sounds like your baby is happy with how things are! ❤️

The most important thing is that your baby is well and happy and so is her mum. Please don't give this another thought. You did what was right for you and your baby.

p.s. congratulations on your LO

I think part of the problem with BF is that you have to learn to do it when you've got a tiny baby who needs something all the time, you're completely exhausted, your body feels like it's been hit by a bus and somehow you're also meant to be the sole source of nutrition?! I've ended up FF both times because it just didn't work out and help wasn't readily available. Felt enormously guilty but found in time it lessens, especially when they get older and how they were fed for a while is less important. Especially when they get to about 3 and they only want to eat chips.

I have a 16 week old (FTM) and lasted 6 weeks breastfeeding.
She wouldn’t latch properly and when she did I’d be sitting there for 40 minutes and 10 minutes later she wanted another feed, it was just overwhelming and very time consuming.
She’s a hungry baby and once I succumbed to formula, she was so much better! Only waking once in the night and generally a happier baby! Don’t beat yourself up, I too had guilt but at the end of the day, you have to think of your little one and if they are happier then that’s all that matters. 😊

babys fed through their mouth are doing really well. Enjoy your baby as time flies and stop with any guilt

Remind yourself that you did what was right for you and your baby at the time.

And also that the difference between formula and breastfed isn’t a huge gulf- and that statistics mean very little to an individual. That’s why I, an adult who was breastfed, have a million allergies and am just trying to shake a nasty chest infection- whereas my bottlefed younger brother never seems to get so much as a cold, and walked off COVID like it was nothing.

Take a deep breath and be kind to yourself. Your baby is fed and happy and that’s what matters.

I also couldn’t manage BF, and pumped for 6 months before switching to formula. I did beat myself up at the time for not being able to do it, but in hindsight I am absolutely fine with it.

I exclusively breastfeed and I hate every single second of it. HATE it. I combi fed in the beginning but due to oversupply I had to exclusively block feed for a week and my baby never really took a bottle after that. I wish I'd never breastfed. It's killing me. My baby is also terrible with a sippy cup so feel completely trapped by breastfeeding. I only continued out of guilt so it swings both ways. The mum guilt is real. I was swayed too much by mine and my mental health has suffered because of it. Formula is great. Your baby is getting what they need.

You know that space where she used to be when you were growing her, when you pushed her out? guilt likes to rush in there and take up residence!
Having a baby is a tough job, do not feed the guilt about ff, your baby will not remember. She will remember that you were there and gave great cuddles, that you love her, that’s what is important.

I felt exactly the same as you. Breastfeeding didnt happen for us. The guilt has massively eased for me. It will for you too. Ultimately it doesn't matter and like previous posters have said your mental health and well being is far more important

I don't understand why women think breast milk is a miracle milk. It isn't. Breastfeeding is very difficult and strangely, noone prepares pregnant women for that. A baby should NEVER be hungry (a hundred years ago yes, but we are living in a much more fortunate time). If the baby is hungry, stressed about it and loosing weight that is far more damaging than "non breast milk". You made the right decision, I wish more mother would do that!

Just to say, cluster feeding isn't a sign of hunger as such. It's the natural process by which their demand is matched to the mother's supply.

It's also natural for babies to lose a bit of weight at fist after birth no matter how they are fed.

You did absolutely the right thing - just as I did 20plus years ago. I have two very healthy sons. Take a deep breath and tell yourself that the most important thing is holding them close to you lovingly - whether it’s your nipple in their mouth or a bottle that you’re holding. Either way they feel well fed, warm and loved.

I was in your position 6 years ago OP. My DD never breastfed, not once, despite trying everything in the hospital. She became unwell with jaundice and my blood pressure was through the roof. We were stuck in the hospital for 5 days. She is the healthiest, happiest 6 year old. We have the most amazing bond and she's only ever had 1 lot of antibiotics in her whole life.
We're so lucky to live in a time where there are safe, healthy options for feeding our babies. It sounds like you did absolutely the right thing for your DD and that makes you a wonderful mum.