Me and partner are expecting our second baby in the next week or so. He wasn’t around for our first and it’s only back in January that we got back together.With our first I had my own little routine as I was single, I just got by day but day and took it easy adjusting to being a parent.
Since then things have been good, he’s got a decent job with good hours, he’s completely changed in some aspects and became a good dad and partner. Well recently we’ve both been really lazy with cooking. I’m 39 weeks and have our toddler and I’m bloody shattered by the late afternoon so I don’t fancy cooking. I’ve also had quite a hard pregnancy with GD and pelvic/back pain. My partner though can cook (when he can be bothered. He’s just extremely lazy with it), also there’s loads in the fridge freezer and he finishes work at 4.30pm (starts at 7.30am).
Recently he’s been buying a few take aways which I now and again will have too and pay for. Though he said that he needs to stop doing so because he’s spent abit too much on them. I’d just done a food shop and I said no, I completely agree there’s loads in the house, though once I’ve had baby you’ll have to probably cook for a while.
well he then said oh I’ll just get takeaways then. I said to him, well no you can cook can’t you? No point wasting money if you’re able to do it. He then said well I’ll just get ready meals then because I’ll be tired (meaning he will be tired on paternity leave)
i asked him, did you think I’ll be up and cooking for you straight away after having a baby? I’m gunna be fucked! I’ll need all the help I can get. I had a forceps delivery with my first so recovery was tough and I had to do it on my own, my mum helped me shower and get about and I had loads of snacks by my bed for the first week whilst getting back on my feet.
i then asked him, do I need to be worried about what you might think I’ll be capable of doing straight away? Well he shut me down calling me ridiculous and saying he isn’t even having the conversation with me. I don’t know if because he wasn’t there previously for the birth and majority of the first year, he doesn’t actually realise how hard it can be. He will more than likely have to have our toddler for a couple days just so that I can get my bearings etc.
im just shocked that someone can watch their partner give birth and then straight away be expecting them to do all the cooking and cleaning? He’s going to be in for a shock because after his 2 week leave, I’m not going to have the time to cook for him when he comes back on lunch. I’m going to have a newborn and a toddler to look after and I’ve gotta really ply it by ear.
i really wanted to try and talk to him about this, I wasn’t coming across rude or whatever. I’m just genuinely concerned, I just wanted to talk about recovery and if he needs me to write down lists of things which could help him during the day and if I could just explain o him how I could have support from him during recovery. But he just completely cut me off. I hate how any concerns I have he says I’m ridiculous and shuts down the conversation.
i think maybe because how he was brought up he expects me to be like it. His dad used to work away so his mum had him and his sister all the time. Then his mum would do all cooking and cleaning etc. even now when his dad finishes work she would be cooking after him and what not. It’s just I expect things to be equal. We contribute exactly the same 50/50 even though he’s on over nearly a grand more a month than me a month. I’ve never expected him to help more with money, but just to help 50/50 with children
I don’t know am I being unreasonable? I just know how hard it was first time having our son and I see other friends/family getting more support from their partners