Bullying - what shall I do?… any advice will help, please

[Lanawondering]

My son has been bullying at school because he is short. I have been bullied through high school because I am short so I know exactly how horrible this is. The difference between me and him is that I never told my parents and I corrected that and he knows he can tell me everything. And he does. He is horrified that if I intervene in any way things will get much worse. I've talked to him a lot about it, discussed how to deal with them, sometimes this helped, sometimes not. I come from a different background/country and the way I dealt with my bullies was to kick his ass and throw him to the ground after he spat in my hair just for fun - something snapped in me and I just literally kicked his ass even though he was triple my size. Afterwards no one ever even thought of teasing me or bullying me. Obviously I can't advice him to do that, but I can't stand the fact that he's been bullying, so please help - shall I guide him carefully and not report it to the school (he is horrified that I will) or shall I report it and explain to him that this is the way?

100% report it! Schools should be much better at dealing with bullying these days than when we were young.

Your poor son. It's great he can speak to you.

Do he have some nice supportive friends?

Report it.

Report it

Oh God… I was afraid this would be the advice (as I am furious and would really like to show them how short people fight back🤬), but I will report it first thing tomorrow. He’ll be devastated and horrified, but I have to stop that from escalating… I was so hoping that he picked up something from me - I’m barely 4 feet, 10-ish, but I stand tall no matter what and where. I guess he just doesn’t have it in him. Don’t get me wrong - I would stand up for anyone no matter what and never allow whatever bullying happening around me. I even got him signed up for self defence classes so he can understand that size doesn’t matter and all he says is that it feels wrong hurting people. Even when they got him pinned to the wall… I’m not sure if I did a good job teaching him that violence it’s never the answer, but if there’s no choice- fight back, which he doesn’t. Yet. So, ok, I’ll report it and stay on top of it to make sure the school is protecting my child. Meanwhile I’ll keep talking to him and support him in any way I can. My last advice to him was next time you’ve being pinned to the wall push back as hard as you can and don’t be afraid, I’m 100% behind your actions. Or I’m being too pushy? I really don’t know, all I know is kids can be very cruel and I can’t stand bullies…

It's fine for him to defend himself and (as a fellow short person) I totally get where you are coming from, but better for him to take the moral high ground here as it will keep him out of trouble.

Definitely report it.

I get where you are coming from about fighting back. I never tell.my DD that she has to take violence lying down and that she can always defend herself but the truth is she is shorter and much weaker than most of her peers so if she really did fight back I'm not sure it would actually help.

Your son shouldn't have to defend himself. How old is he? Is this primary or secondary. I'd get the school.involved regardless but if it's primary they might be more successful.

Don't let this go on, please. Speak to the school and if that doesn't help then consider changing schools if at all possible.

I already did, but first to his teacher to explain the situation and ask for advice before I go directly to the head teacher. After today I already have some more things to report, nothing serious according to my son, but being sprayed in the ear with water just for fun it’s not fun. He’s 11 and today one of his usual bullies started pushing him with his backpack and laughing, while they were in a line for the school buss and my son tried one of my advice - do the same to him - so he turned around and started to push back laughing too, trying to “join” the game, but then the other usual bully joined and the 3 of them were pushing each other and laughing and my son said it was a bit too rough for him but he could take it. So at least I know now he’s not really afraid, but I told him again that if someone pinned him to the wall if he feels like it to push/fight back - he might be short but he knows how, I made sure of that and he knows I’ve got his back. I know he should not defend himself but the reality is that sometimes he has to and I’ll make sure he has the confidence and knowledge how to do so.
Your daughter can defend herself no matter how short or weak you think she is. Does she being bullied too? I can assure you - I was the shortest and weakest person in my class and took so much abuse and violence until one day I just snapped and beat the shit out of the worst bullies in my school. After that day I never took any crap from anyone ever again. And I’m just over 40kg, not joking here, but I learned from the best - my bullies, they trained me well… - how to fight back. Or - if I know I can’t win, how to hit so I can run away - sad, but what can you do if someone is triple your size and you know he wants to hit you for sure…. Oh the memories from my teen and pre-teen years…:) Not very proud, but you have to survive…
So I’m waiting for a response from his teacher and will be reporting everything, even if I have to email or call every day. I don’t care if it’s a secondary or primary school - they MUST take action or I’ll do everything I can, every single option available to me, I’ll involve the parents, the police if I have to, I know this sounds hysterical but I am really really upset that he’s going through this. I’m sorry if I sound too dramatic…

Notjusta - what moral high ground is to be taken here and for how long? I know from experience there is no high ground in primary school if you let people just walk over you whenever they feel like it, while I’m taking the high ground… No offence, but no, thank you.

It would definitely help if she fights back - no matter how. You would be amazed how people react when someone does something totally unexpected.

God help me if my DS gets bullied he's only 18mo at the moment and I'm already like a lioness around him.

I was bullied in primary school by a huge girl who used to bully everyone (I was smallest in class) still only 5ft now. I remember being scared of her 🙁

Mom sent me to Tae Kwon Do lessons and this really built my confidence aswell as other things, self discipline etc. I got all the way to black belt, and I was super fit.

I never once got bullied in secondary school.
Maybe consider getting him into a martial arts it will give him a confidence boost

Report it.

But in the meantime get him booked into some martial arts classes.

He will learn some self defence as well as how to handle himself.

I did - I even went with him as he was shy due to his size - we’ve been going to kravmaga lessons for months and it definitely helped him to understand that size doesn’t matter. That was when he was still in year 6 as I knew exactly what will happen in secondary school… He was firstly intimidated of everyone so he was sparring only with me, but with time he relaxed and even started sparing with his dad at home (and he is really tall - I can’t wait for the puberty to kick in as I really hope he’ll start growing like a weed:). We had to stop due to health issues on my side, but I might find something else for him, hopefully he’ll be willing to go alone this time. So he knows how to fight back, he is just saying he doesn’t feel like he wants to. No idea why, will investigate, perhaps he’s afraid that someone will return the punch - he’s not much of tough tough regarding the slightest pain… I’ll find out..
School tried to call me but I was driving and couldn’t answer but no reply to my email - so I sent another one today reporting more things from yesterday and today and specifically asked for an email reply and that I’ll give them a call too, just want it black on white, let’s see.

Hi all, I know it has been quite some time but just to report what I did - I did reported it. On a multiple occasions. Every time with some meek and shameful excuses that they are doing whatever they can (they didn't) or saying that whatever my son is telling me there is no way that it happened- basically calling him out loud lier.
So I transferred him to a different school whit much better reputation. I was trying to get him in there for years, but now that my daughter is there I had my foot through the door so I finally successfully transferred him. Only to find out there are bullies everywhere... but at least the school is sincerely trying to help and taking the appropriate actions. And no matter how much my son tries to avoid confrontation - he has to face and I'll teach him how. He, of course, doesn't like me very much because I separated him from his so called friends, but that's part of the job. For whoever think I'm taking this too seriously and "eventually he'll learn on his own" - no, this is our job, to protect them, to stand up for them, to teach them that there is nothing to be afraid as bullies are cowards- until they don't need our help on how to protect themselves. And how to be kind and protect others - this is how you break this horrible circle of allowing others to crush the very being of our precious children.