2 under 3 - clingy baby - struggling how do you cope daily??!!

[Anxiousmumzy]

Hi everyone

Im just after some help and advice (I don’t have folks that I can ask or rant to unfortunately)

my DS is 2.5 and DD is 5 months old - I’m really struggling on maternity leave with coping and giving time to both kids equally (mumguilt) and feel awful that I am too tired to cook and clean daily (cannot cook though due to clingy baby)

bit of background DS was a chilled baby whereas DD is very very clingy I cannot put her down for daytime naps she wakes up straight away or within 15 minutes - likes to be held hates them playmat and sits in the bouncer maybe 10 minutes at a time…

i struggle to cook on days that DH works - I struggle to make my toddler lunches ontime as I cannot put her down - how do ppl manage??!
Also I do not drive and as we are approaching winter I would like suggestions of where I can take them both (I have the double pram) otherwise DS ends up infront of the telly all day he currently goes nursery twice a week

what are ppls routines like??

many thanks in advance and sorry for all the questions!

Do you use a sling? They are a lifesaver for getting things done when a little one wants to be close.

Use little ones nap times to focus on DS more.

Get out of the house more within your day, go to local groups.

If you can, put baby in a sling and carry on with your day. I had a very similar age gap and a sling was a lifesaver.

Prep lunch bits or dinner in the morning if you have a partner that can give you 15 mins. Or use the 10 mins baby is in the bouncer to chop veg etc.

generally our routine was get up, breakfast, get dressed. Head out for a walk/group by 10am. Home around 12-12:30 for lunch, then nap. Play at home after nap before dinner, play and bed. My children are now 5 and 2.5 and we still stick to a similar routine at weekends although the 5 years doesn’t nap she still has a quiet time with books/tablet after lunch.

Don't worry about giving time equally they don't need it.

Don't worry about housework too much until you get this bit sorted.

Do get a sling. If your baby will go in one, they are lifesavers.

Don't worry about going places that they'll both enjoy. Go places your older kid likes and your baby will find enough to look at while you're there.

During this phase I loved a proper old school mother and toddlers group too (much more than baby massage etc) because then my toddler could run off and play with other toddlers and there was stuff to entertain the baby too.

@Mumofboys16 Thankyou so much for your reply I don’t use a sling I will try that!
i will check out the local groups xx

The number one thing you need with two kids is a sling. Not sure how you survived 5m without one!

@Ducky88 Thankyou so so much for your reply was very useful!! Your routine sounds fantastic! When DH is home we tend to take them out after his nap as opposed to before but I will try the parent toddler groups in the morning instead :)

DH starts work at 5am unfortunately (shift work) but again Thankyou! Xxxx saving my mental health x

@MolliciousIntent knew I wasn’t doing something right!!! The beauty of MN! X

Defo sling! Hope you can find a local sling library to try one out. I had clingy babies and couldn’t believe it when other babies just went in the cot and slept for hours

@ohfook thankyou for your thorough reply and words of wisdom!!! I think that’s what I’m worrying too much about when I don’t need to worry about these things I guess - you saved my sanity!! I just feel bad and pulled in different directions like kids need me then house work needs doing etc etc

and that’s very true I will find the toddler groups rather than the baby parent groups because he definitely needs to b the one to run off! 😃
my area isn’t the greatest for these but I will have a search plus I don’t drive yet but willing to take public transport as I have done a few times with these two (I must be mad I know)

Thankyou again!! Xxx

@BrilliantGreenFlamingo i have a carrier for when my son was a baby in the loft somewhere!
and omg SAME! I’m like how?!!! And what am I doing wrong! As my son was the opposite xx glad to hear u got through it x

Honestly? Sometimes baby just has to cry for a bit while I sort the toddler out. It's only for a few minutes while I get him something to eat.

Give the toddler leftovers from the night before. Ask your husband to make some sandwiches for you before he leaves for work.

And if you can afford it, play cafe!

I’ve got a 10 month old and 3.1 month old, and it’s a lot easier now than when we were in your situation. It gets better fast.

It does get easier - eventually! But then when the baby is on the move it can also be tricky because they’ll want to try to grab your legs the whole time while cooking, and squash themselves between your legs and the cupboard and cry. I used the sling then too. It was great when I could put her on my back and do stuff. To be fair, even now they’re on primary school I have to tell them to get out the kitchen! They just love following me round.

Sling is the main answer. I love our Integra, we used it from about 4months and it’s so easy to get on and off, and light to roll up in a bag. Once he was stronger (7m ish) I put him on my back, and that was a bigger game changer for cooking

But also - lower your standards and divide and conquer! Your toddler can eat easy snacky lunches, which everyone knows are the best anyway. Make sure you eat too. When DH is around do half an hour each on chores while the other has the kids.

On what do to with them - what’s near you? How’s the buses/trains? Parks/forests for walks? (Get a good pair of backpack reins if your toddler is a runner) do you have any toddler groups round? Often church halls have them. Join any local Facebook groups and ask around. I’ve got an almost 2 year old, I live where I grew up and I’m still learning about new groups!
Its also fine to have some do nothing/TV days. Be kind to yourself x

mumsnet is so great the support is amazing this was my first post 🥰

@Bobbins2022 love your honesty! Will check out some play cafes we have a soft play nearby x

@DucklingDaisy its nicw to what that it gets easier!!

@BrilliantGreenFlamingo that made me chuckle! I do remember that stage of grabbing legs 🤣🤣🤣 I guess every stage has its challenges

@BuffaloCauliflower thankyou for your detailed post!! I will definitely get the carrier out today and strengthen my back! I think snacky lunches would be a good option actually as he doesn’t really eat big lunches or big portions in general (that a whole other story!) - he’s a runner for sure not a runner with daddy though just with me! We’ve got a park very close by - the rest I will search up and join some groups on what’s on near by for him - we have a library too about a half hour walk xxx

I'd send the older one to a nursery 2-3 days a week I think 🤔