Before school mornings - help!

[Tiredasamf]

I have 4 dc, ages 5, 4, 22 months and 9 months.

Since school has gone back in September the mornings have been AWFUL. So stressful, manic. I’m starting each day feeling flustered and annoyed which translates to internal anger, it’s making me exhausted and I’m fed up of starting every day this way.

I’m up early with the little ones - 5am usually, but can’t start getting anyone ready until the big ones get up at 6.45 as our house is quite small so it would wake everyone up. We do breakfast, get dressed, teeth, hair, then I get myself ready quickly then it’s shoes and coats and get the babies in the pushchair. But although that sounds simple it absolutely isn’t. DS is quite good and will do what I ask (after a couple of times of asking usually) however DD is a nightmare and does nothing I ask, takes forever to do anything - I’m talking 20 minutes to eat a bowl of cereal. instead she just plays with the babies, gets toys out, makes a mess, runs around and screams. Doing her hair is a battle each morning and takes around 15 mins. 22mo and 9mo obviously need more attention and I have to get them ready, give breakfast, change nappies usually twice each and bottles etc. Then sort myself out. We have to leave at 8.20. I don’t have to do lunchboxes and I put everything they need for school on the pushchair the night before, uniforms are out in the living room each evening.

How do people make this easier? I’m not naive I know that with 4 dc so young it’s never going to be easy but will it always be THIS stressful?! Top tips please!

Just to add - we didn’t have any issues last school year, we were usually early and although the mornings were busy they were calm. I always had time to get myself ready (which I don’t have time for now)

the only thing that’s changed is their ages and the little ones needs

Do you have a partner/dad involved in any of this? Trying to sort out a 5 & 4 year old, a toddler and a baby, solo, sounds like a basically impossible task.

Is the more effort DD 4 or 5, is it her first or second year of school? Taking forever to eat - can she just be given some food and be left to it or does she need repeated nagging to actually eat anything. Is she not hungry or would she just rather be playing? Could she have something else easier to eat while doing other stuff, like a cut up sandwich? Or could she be bargained with along the lines of if you quickly eat this cereal in five minutes, then you'll get ten minutes of [HIGH VALUE THING SHE WOULD LIKE].

When my sister and me turned five, we were so awkward about having our hair done that we got short bob haircuts. Solved that problem. 😂

It sounds really busy and difficult! I would be reducing DDs morning needs - can you skip the hair care? Get her a haircut so its easier? Show her how to do her hair herself (doesn't need to be perfect)? Feed her a cereal bar instead of a bowl? Doesn't have to be forever but until this phase passes.

You are doing amazingly well getting 4 children ready every morning! I’m not surprised it’s hard, mainly I would say count each day as a win and know it will get better, it has to.

I only have two, my only suggestion is a crap one - I let me little one with wild hair watch cartoons on my phone while I brush her hair, and I use a water from a spray bottle on it first to help it be more manageable.

Basically I think the main thing that will help is time.

That sounds tough, a few changes that might help:

Could you leave a set of your own clothes in the living room and get yourself ready before the older 2 wake up?

Concentrate on getting the big ones dressed, if you run out of time the little ones will be fine with a coat over pajamas and dress them when you get back

Breakfast last and changes from cereal to toast or something portable so they can take it and eat on the go if their not finished.

My only tip is get as much ready the night before as possible (lunches, drinks, bags, reading, letters) then try quick food like croissants, also absolutely no TV or devices, as others have said your already doing amazing it will never be easy though.

Also you showering the night before might help you can always do hair etc after the school run?

It’s not clear whether DD is the four year old and whether she’s going to school or not. I would agree with pp that a short bob/pageboy haircut is the answer. If she isn’t going to school, could you put a tracksuit over her pyjamas if she isn’t cooperative, leave her hair and sort it all out when you get home?

I think you're doing great as you are. I couldn't cope with 2 when they were that age.

Partner needs to help if you have one

Otherwise - do DDs hair in a tight plait each night, will still be good to go in morning.

Why do babies need two nappy changes? Change once after post breakfast poop? Don't bother getting them dressed, they travel to school in their sleep suits.

My four DC are much older than yours but it is still stressful as two are in primary, two are in secondary.

I shower in the evenings, there just is not time when I get up at 6am each morning. Could you do this? Then bung on your own clothes after a quick face wash.

In fact I often shower in the afternoons these days so I can put my pyjamas on at same time as settling wee ones for their bedtime.

Is dad around and what time does he leave in the morning?

Get the two littlest milk and cereal on them waking.

Stuff I'd do-
Go into 5yos room at 6.45, wake them and dress them and do their hair. Send then downstairs.
Go into 4yos room at 6.55, wake them and dress them and do their hair.

Make sure they are fully dressed inc shoes.

Whilst you are doing this, the younger ones are in a playpen/travel cot/their own cots/baby gated room.

7.05 sit the 5yo and 4yo at the table with breakfast and put a cartoon on for them to watch.

Whilst they are eating, bum changes and fresh clothes for both the little ones.

As soon as the little ones are sorted, take the breakfast plates away - they won't dither over it if they know it goes after10mins.

Should be about 7.30 now.

Teeth brushes all round.
Bottle for the baby if needed.
Cartoon on or tip a toy box out for them all to dig in.

8.10 loos for the eldest two. Babies into buggy, coats on, out the door.

Keep an outfit downstairs for you so you can change into it in the morning. Full shower and get dressed after the school run.

I think you're doing great - getting 4 out in the morning sounds like a nightmare!

I would focus on your DD first since she's the difficult one. Roll her out of bed and straight into her clothes, then do hair while she's still sleepy and waking up - she'll be more compliant that way. Then downstairs for breakfast (put a t shirt of yours over her uniform in case she spills anything on it). I'd put the TV on downstairs while she's having breakfast just to keep her contained in one place. Then your DS can join her once he's dressed (again, big t-shirt over the top of uniform in case breakfast is spilt or dropped) and they can watch cartoons while you get the little ones ready. 22 month old joins them when they're ready (potentially already sat in the pushchair) and then once 9 month old is ready, you all do teeth and leave. Breakfast is available for 15 minutes from when your DD and DS are both downstairs and then is taken away (give a 2 minute warning). If they don't eat it, they go to school hungry and will have to wait for food until the morning snack.

Disclaimer - I only have one to get ready but we have a 25 minute turnaround time here. I wake DC at 7, DC is out of bed at 7.05 and we need to leave by 7.30. The minute DC gets up, it's straight into getting dressed and nothing else happens until DC is in school clothes ready to go.

I have 3 children (3, 6, 10), this is what I do.

Night before brush and plait their hair. Children get their uniform out ready for the next day. The oldest two also make their lunches if they're having packed lunch the next day. Lights out at 7pm apart from 10yo who is 8pm. I lay my clothes out before going to bed.

5.45am my alarm goes off and I get dressed and ready and have a cup of tea
6.30am I wake the children up and they get dressed and brush teeth
7am everyone sits down at the table for breakfast and waits until everyone is finished or if one gets down it all goes to pot
Breakfast is usually finished by 7.20am and i'll clear up and do chores until 8am while they play/read/watch TV
8am I unplait hair, quick brush and put up (3 girls usually takes less than 5 mins)
8.15am shoes and coats on, get all things
8.30am walk out the door

Getting them up any later than 6.30am and for us it all goes wrong. Our timings allow enough contingency for disasters (like this morning when I wasn't well and was stuck on the phone to 111).

What has made things run more smoothly is giving them their independence and making them responsible for sorting their own things out. It's taken a long time and a lot of it not working to get to this point. It works about 90% of the time.

I'd suggest an earlier start and getting yourself ready before you get them up.

Our mornings used to be like that. My kids are a bit older but I sat them down and told them it’s a strict no tv or tablet until absolutely ready for school, including eating breakfast, hair, teeth. This has transformed our mornings as they want longer on tv/tablet and so are ready so much quicker with less nagging. A consequence of messing about etc.. is no tv/tablet privilege the next day. So far I’ve not even come close to needing that. Could that work? Also, if you can afford to could you put them into breakfast club a couple of times a week to give you an easier morning? Just dressed and out with no issue of breakfast? Good luck!

Nothing much to add other than you sound like you’re doing an amazing job! Getting 4 small dc out the door is a huge task, and it sounds like you are managing it, even with the stress! I have 3 and I really struggle to do it without any stress. Only thing I would add that have helped us are getting dressed and doing hair upstairs before breakfast. You’re doing great though!

Night before, lay out clothes, shoes, toothbrush, toothpaste, hairbrush in each kids' room, and yours. Buy extra toothpaste/hairbrushes if necessary.

Bags, coats etc. in pram.

Everyone gets their teeth and hair brushed in bed and puts clothes and shoes on before they leave their bedroom. Even you. Doesn't matter if someone is crying, takes 1-2 mins for you.

I don't see why you and anyone else up at 5am can't get ready then. Putting on clothes won't wake people. And surely you have to change nappies anyway?

Then they can go play, or eat breakfast. If they mess around, or are too slow with breakfast, they'll survive until morning snack.

At ages 4 and 5 I don't think it matters if they spill a bit of milk on their shirt. Surely worse happens at school? Younger two can wear bibs.

If there is mess, you want a shower, or to do makeup, but it hasn't been possible that morning, you can come back home after school drop-off and do that.

If hair is an issue, can you get it cut, or simplify what you are doing?

You could also lay out breakfast stuff the night before.

One of my primary aged DC got choc spread on his trousers this morning - no biggie🤷

They get trashed at school anyway.

Thanks for the responses and tips!!

To answer a few questions - DS is 5, DD is 4. They’re in year 1 and reception so both need to be ready for the day.

DD’s hair is very long which doesn’t help matters but we both love it and I actually love trying different styles in her hair, maybe I should stick to more simple stuff for school!

Also with the getting dressed before breakfast, I don’t know if it’s just me but I wouldn’t send them to school in dirty uniform, and they would definitely spill stuff.
I’ll try that tomorrow though and do toast for brekkie!

True about the babies not needing to be dressed unless we’re going straight out, 9mo is in a pramsuit anyway so no one would know! But again he gets messy with his breakfast, even with a bib and even with just toast!

The two nappies thing is because they wake up with a full one of wee which I change straight away, then will usually both do a poo later in the morning.

I’m going to put my clothes and makeup in the living room tonight and see if I can get ready before the big ones get up. I don’t want to wake them any earlier if I can because they’re already so tired from school anyway, but I’ll try 6.30 tomorrow.

I do have a DH, but he goes out early usually 7am. He’s also very slow in the morning annoyingly, I’ve given up asking for help in the mornings, we’ve had many a tiff about it!

Re breakfast and mess. I have never given mine breakfast in their pjs before school. They don't don't go downstairs until they're dressed.

Tuck a napkin or tea towel into their clothes before they eat. If they make a mess just give it a quick wipe with a sponge. It's still quicker than doing it all the other way around.

Cut the faffy hairstyles, shower yourself the night before so you can just bung clothes on when you get up, and definitely agree re don't worry about changing the little ones before you do drop off.

Also, get everything set up for breakfast the night before. Ie everything needed on the table down to the cutlery, cups etc. Ditto babies bottles etc. Have absolutely everything to hand, right in front of you to reduce thinking time and stress. Not sure if it would work but could you set a countdown timer for DD for her breakfast to speed her up? 20 mins for a bowl of cereal seems a bit excessive!