Have had it with DS not eating :(

[Moniq123]

Hi all. My DS is 3 next month and he is such a picky eater. The only thing he'll eat for lunch is red rice and fish, or chicken drumsticks. He wont touch anything else. He'll have a peanut butter sandwich in the morning, he also likes cereal but won't eat anything else apart from snacks/cake etc, which I dont give him. He wont eat anything potato, doesnt like anything I make and wont even try it. He's become really thin and I've taken him to the gp a few times who say he's fine. I dont feel like he's fine, if I cook what he likes he eats okay but he just won't eat what I make for me and DH. Will it ever get better?? Its been almost 3 years of me making him the same meals I feel like crying at this point. My last straw was when I visited a friend the other day with him, and her DD's ate SO WELL! It was shepherds pie, I put it infront of my son hoping he would eat it too but he just said "ew" and "no no no no" while they were happily munching away and asking for seconds. It just feels so horrible I don't know what to do. Any help please?

Sorry I'd just like to add he does go to nursery, I send him in with a packed lunch and it comes back full, every time. He'll pick at it and shred the sandwich for me but won't eat it

Can't offer any advise yet as my toddler isn't quite there yet, but head over to youtube and look up Jo Frost (Supernanny) extreme parenting advice. There's an episode with a 4 yo girl who is malnourished and her parents resorted to force feeding her to get her to eat. You may find some helpful tips on how to deal with it

My DD is 4 and similar although admittedly doesn't sound quite as extreme as your child. However it does appear to have been affecting her growth and she was seen by s paed recently in respect of stalling growth who said for now just to monitor and weigh and measure her every 3 months. It is very worrying and frustrating, you really have my sympathies.

I found the book 'My Child Won't Eat' helpful to some extent, it's written by a doctor.

Other than that, what has worked to get her to eat better has changed at different times as she goes through phases with her food all the time. I will be honest though that we have found being stricter about snacks, dessert etc has tended to work better, and bribery sort of in terms of no dessert unless meal is eaten. I know lots of people advise against that however we have found it generally does mean she eats her meal or st least more than she was before when we didn't offer a dessert routinely or compared to when she always got dessert regardless of eating. I think all children are different so different approaches are likely to work with different children. I'm pleased to say her eating is generally a little better at 4 than at 3, and she appears to have suddenly recently had a small growth spurt, going up a size in tops and a shoe size too in a fairly short space of time. Hopefully that can be of some reassurance to you.

Don’t create a battle of wills. You won’t win!

cook what you know he will like, every so often put something else out but with no pressure. Don’t put it near a safe food but on a separate plate.

never comment on what he does or doesn’t eat.

Bake and cook with him but with no pressure to eat what he makes

I really, REALLY sympathise. DS2 was like this and it is emotionally draining. Also in a fundamental way it feels as though they are rejecting your attempt to nurture them and enable them to thrive. I found it very tough watching other people;s children tucking in, or reading 'children will try new foods if you introduce them ten times, when I was the 100th time and counting!

Turned out our DS was autistic, which often shows in extremely limited eating habits. Now he is a young adult and really adventurous with food, loves cooking, eating out, trying new things.

My tips are:

Take ALL the stress out of it. Stop worrying. It doesn;t increase the chance of him eating more, but it makes you miserable and he'll pick up on it.

Let him eat what he eats. What you describe is reasonably healthy. I'd just make peanut butter sandwiches for him at breakfast, put a couple of chicken drumsticks in his packed lunch with some reasonably healthy snacks (the kind you normally don't give him - maybe Organix crunchy sticks or mini breadsticks with processed dipper cheese etc

Make cake if he eats cake. Make it with real butter, loads of eggs, half real flour and half almond or soy flour. Use cream cheese for the frosting. That way he's getting lots of calories and protein from the cake. I did this and then started sneaking in traces of veg - carrot cake, chocolate cake with courgette or beetroot in it - not too much - just tiny amounts.

Give daily vitamin chewy sweets of put abidec drops in his milk if he will drink milk.

Try going out for food. It's infuriating that they will eat a Happy Meal but gradually you can make your own burgers (with good meat, tiny amounts of grated veg etc.)

Teach him what food does. explain protein makes his muscles striong and dairy give him good bones and teeth, fish and veg make him clever and help him see and feel things etc. Just educate him and then leave stuff lying around casually. I used to leave carrot sticks, cubes of cheese, cucumber slices etc in little bowls near his plate and say 'You don't have to eat these but if you do, they'll help you see in the dark/ make your bones grow' etc.

Meanwhile you and Dh should eat what you want in front of him with great enjoyment and if he ever shows interest, offer him a tiny bit. You could try negative negotiation 'Oh no, you're not allowed this until you are a big boy' and see if it makes him curious.

Sorry for the essay. I tried everything I could think of, these are what worked.

I have problems with food, ARFID, and I would and have done rather starve than eat.

Make him what he will eat. Place something new on a separate plate if you must. Don’t comment if he eats it or not.

Please contact a health professional though. They may help