Miss matched parenting styles

[Gertrude86]

My partner and I are trying for a baby. He already has a son aged 6 from a previous relationship. We have very different parenting styles. I work in a school and have a stronger behaviour management approach than he does. It irritates me that he and his family pander to the child and allow him to get away with things that are not acceptable.

I worry that if we do have a child together this will cause an issue as it is already grating on me that no never means no.

Does he after that he is too soft in his parenting, or does he prefer the way he parents?
If he likes the way he is then it's harder to make any changes.

*agree not after

He agrees he is too soft and spoils his child but then continues to do it 🤷‍♀️

I think you're in the lucky position that you know that there's a difference in parenting styles before having a baby together. Most people only discover differences after they've had children. This allows you some time to sit down and discuss parenting expectations. He already knows he's too soft with his son so discuss practical ways he can address this.

If you are not a parent then you don’t know what your parenting style is yet.

I appreciate you are around children but it’s very different when it’s your own. Don’t stress about it, you will figure out your boundaries and parenting style together.

He will parent his second child exactly the same way, you need to decide if that's a dealbreaker for you.

Agree with this.

I'm a lot softer than I said I was going to be

This is a disaster waiting to happen. You already resent his child and think you're going to do a better job.

I hope your husband sees sense and stops trying to conceive.

Precisely why I did not have dc with my exh. He was a shit df. His dd ruled so many roosts.
Wasn't for me.
Yabu to have a dc with such a man. Your dc will always come second. And you will be parenting alone.

Ooh no, travel with caution. One of the best things about being a step mum is having seen DH parenting long before we had one together. He’s the same with all 3 and I admire and respect how he is as a dad hugely.

Tbh I’m pretty much the same sort of mum I expected to be, a bit crunchier, but being on the same page is so important.

Spend a week on here and see how it goes when parents have very different approaches, it’s bad for everyone.

If you have a baby he’ll either be the same with that and you’ll go mad hating being the bad guy. If he’s not and panders to this one less than his older child, because he expects more of this one and plays the guilt Disney dad card cos with them, you’ll hate him for the comparison.

You're right to worry. It’s going to end in tears.

@Gertrude86 it’s such a typical thing pre-kids to look at how other parents do it and see all the wrong things and how you’ll do it so much better “ I wouldn’t stand for that nonsense etc” 😂.
Six is so, so young to now be living without one of their parents around everyday , as a teacher you should be aware of the effects broken homes have on kids. If his dad is spoiling him a bit that really isn’t the worst complaint.
I’m a teacher ( mainly secondary and older but have worked with younger kids) and it’s absolutely nothing like being a parent 😂😂😂
It's like me saying to parents of teenagers that because I teach them I know how my parenting style will be. I have three dcs and we are firm , consistent, loving but their different personalities make them behave totally differently, also vast majority of dcs behave quite well in class vs at home. That’s not to do with how amazing a teacher is, it’s more to do with peer pressure or repressing emotions/keeping it together etc in a class-based situation.
I have 3 dcs , taught for years pre kids and post kids , you don’t have a parenting style until you are a parent….

That’s true, our children have their own personalities, interests and needs. But to plan a baby with a man whose parenting style you know you don’t agree with or respect is naive verging on idiotic. It guarantees conflict and confusion for the existing child and the new one.