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Original poster

Should I raise this with DD's teacher

11 replies

user1499113169 · 01/10/2022 00:19

DD came home from school on Friday and said during lunch she was sat with 3 other children and they started talking about what type of food they prefer (healthy/unhealthy etc) some other things were said (I don't know what) and DD's friend said to another child 'are you going home to cry to your mum'. After lunch they went back to class for wet break and after more chat (she hasn't said what they talked about in this conversation) one child said to DD and her friend 'are you going home to cry to your dad'. At this point I thought it was just tit for tat as kids do until she said the other child looked straight at her and said 'DD can't go home to cry to her dad because her dads not at home'.

DD came home and said she felt like she was going to cry. Should I raise this with her teacher on Monday or leave DD to deal with any further comments herself?

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SleepingStandingUp · 01/10/2022 00:25

The child who said DD can't, was it in a mean way to DD or standing up for her in a "sunny talk about her dad" sense?

How old are they? Has her dad died or just absent?

Original poster
user1499113169 · 01/10/2022 00:35

They are 7. Her dad has died and the child who said it knows that. They have been in the same class since nursery so they have known her before and after her dad died. She still went to school during lockdown as well as this child and they knew she was there because her dad had died and I was a key worker

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SleepingStandingUp · 01/10/2022 00:39

I'm so sorry x

Was it a sure up idiot, you know her dad died or a haha you don't have a dad and I do? I can see both upsetting her poor lad but trying to work out if it was deliberate to upset her.

If so, is have a quiet word with the teacher to keep an ear out, 7 year old girls can be incredibly horrid but they also fall in and out of friends so quickly

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HighlandPony · 01/10/2022 00:43

Honestly, with first hand experience the school will likely do bugger all/can do bigger all to make the other kid not be such a bitch. Yes they’re 7 but it gets worse as they get older. I’d be teaching her things to bite back with if she was mine. The crap they do in schools now with making them talking about how they would feel the other way round or writing a half arsed apology etc just doesn’t work.

These days school bullying measures are shit. “Oh she’s kicking your head in every break time? Use your stop hands, don’t defend yourself or you will be brought in” 🙄

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 01/10/2022 00:54

It sounds to me like the friend was maybe trying to point out to the other kid that it was a stupid thing to say? Obviously, a lot depends on tone and how it was said.

Original poster
user1499113169 · 01/10/2022 00:56

SleepingStandingUp · 01/10/2022 00:39

I'm so sorry x

Was it a sure up idiot, you know her dad died or a haha you don't have a dad and I do? I can see both upsetting her poor lad but trying to work out if it was deliberate to upset her.

If so, is have a quiet word with the teacher to keep an ear out, 7 year old girls can be incredibly horrid but they also fall in and out of friends so quickly

Based solely on her history with this child I'd say it's more 'I've got a dad and you don't'. It's not one of her friend's who said it, she was sat with one of her friends and 2 boys and it was one of the boys who said it.

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Original poster
user1499113169 · 01/10/2022 01:05

HighlandPony · 01/10/2022 00:43

Honestly, with first hand experience the school will likely do bugger all/can do bigger all to make the other kid not be such a bitch. Yes they’re 7 but it gets worse as they get older. I’d be teaching her things to bite back with if she was mine. The crap they do in schools now with making them talking about how they would feel the other way round or writing a half arsed apology etc just doesn’t work.

These days school bullying measures are shit. “Oh she’s kicking your head in every break time? Use your stop hands, don’t defend yourself or you will be brought in” 🙄

Since starting this year she has had issues with another boy calling her names and then once he was told of for that he purposely physically hurt her, I raised this with her teacher and they have now been separated and she's had no issues with him.

DD has never told me she saw police outside our house when her dad passed away she has only ever talked about seeing an ambulance. However , during her last school year a different child told her that her the police came and took her dad to put him in jail. She came out of school crying, I spoke to her teacher and there have been no issues with that child since.

I don't have any concern with how the school with deal with it. I'm just not sure whether to speak to DD's teacher/TA myself or encouraging DD to talk to them

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Original poster
user1499113169 · 01/10/2022 01:12

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 01/10/2022 00:54

It sounds to me like the friend was maybe trying to point out to the other kid that it was a stupid thing to say? Obviously, a lot depends on tone and how it was said.

I appreciate what your saying, if it was one of DD's friends who had said it then I would agree with you but DD keeps a lot of her emotions in, it was 8 months after her dad passing away for her to cry so for her to say that she felt like crying when the boy said it, shows that he didn't say it to support her.

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Luredbyapomegranate · 01/10/2022 01:21

Have a quiet word with the teacher.

Is your daughter having counselling? If you think that would help you can arrange it through child bereavement charities

HighlandPony · 01/10/2022 01:25

user1499113169 · 01/10/2022 01:05

Since starting this year she has had issues with another boy calling her names and then once he was told of for that he purposely physically hurt her, I raised this with her teacher and they have now been separated and she's had no issues with him.

DD has never told me she saw police outside our house when her dad passed away she has only ever talked about seeing an ambulance. However , during her last school year a different child told her that her the police came and took her dad to put him in jail. She came out of school crying, I spoke to her teacher and there have been no issues with that child since.

I don't have any concern with how the school with deal with it. I'm just not sure whether to speak to DD's teacher/TA myself or encouraging DD to talk to them

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In that case then do it yourself. She’s only seven and might not be able to put it across to them right or even want to discuss it. If you trust the school to deal with it then let them know it’s an issue.
Unfortunately I don’t have the same confidence in our schools. The kicking your head in bit I mentioned was the short version of my Feb-June this year.

SunshineClouds1 · 01/10/2022 09:51

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I would have a quiet word and just ask to keep an eye.

This isn't playground tit for tat and it's regarding someone important she's lost.
I would want the school to know and to keep an eye.

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