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Parenting

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Husband told me he doesn't want our child

23 replies

Bubble14 · 30/09/2022 22:21

I'm not sure what to do, my husband of 10yrs just told me that he finds our child (who's 8) annoying and he often doesn't want her. He never wanted kids...he's told me repeatedly over the years that he didn't but he agreed to have her at the time. Over the years it's been pretty clear he's never really wanted to be a dad yet at times he does seem to love her. A second child was obviously never on the cards for this reason and I got past that...but now he's said what he's said I can't look at him in the same way. I was upset after he told me (for my daughters sake more than mine) and he said "ffs". .like I'm in the wrong for being upset over this. He's been gaslighting me for years but this feels like the final straw. He doesn't deserve us frankly and it feels like time to walk, as impossible as that is. His expectations of children are reduculous, he has such high standards he has no friends and falls out with everyone. I'm the only one that puts up with him.

Not sure why I'm posting this, I guess I'm in shock that he's said what he has said about her...although it feels like for a long time he's had little interest in me. I feel so bad for her, she's a great kid and deserves better.

OP posts:
AUDHD · 30/09/2022 22:25

Leave.
you both deserve better

Hellocatshome · 30/09/2022 22:26

LTB you can't possibly still love and respect him after this can you?

Kiktikat · 30/09/2022 22:27

Why did you have his baby?

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Firecarrier · 30/09/2022 22:28

You both deserve better 💐

Rafferty10 · 30/09/2022 22:30

This is so so awful, please make plans to leave you both deserve much better.

Bubble14 · 30/09/2022 22:30

He wasn't like this all those years ago and was never anti kids, he was happy to try for one (he even had names for his future kid) but as soon as we had her he said he never wanted them...that's why we obviously never had another

OP posts:
Falmerjeans · 30/09/2022 22:31

Please leave .

NotStayingIn · 30/09/2022 22:31

You can't possibly stay with him after this. I'm so sorry OP, it's horrible.

butterfliedtwo · 30/09/2022 22:32

Don't put your child in through this. She'll know.

Pumpkinpatchlookinggood · 30/09/2022 22:33

He resents you and is taking it out on dd. Please leave him. And take her with you.

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/09/2022 22:34

Leave him. It’s never impossible.

I think more people regret their children or parenthood than you’d imagine, it’s a popular topic on here as supposedly the last taboo, despite how often it crops up. They always swear blind their children don’t know but it seems very unlikely.

She deserves better than to feel like crap about herself because her dad got bored of the reality of having a child.

PearlLennox · 30/09/2022 22:35

Take your lovely daughter and ride off into the sunset. Go and live your best lives without that arsehole dragging the two of you down.

LesLavandes · 30/09/2022 22:40

As difficult as it is now, you can do this , so please leave and start a new life with your lovely daughter ☘️

Chickpea17 · 30/09/2022 22:42

You should leave him but obviously he can't help how he feels as unfair as that is.

CaveMum · 30/09/2022 22:43

Take your daughter and leave. Protect her from his toxic attitude, she will be picking up on it and it will destroy her self confidence.

MurderAtTheBeautyPageant · 30/09/2022 22:46

I'd definitely dump his arse.

Your daughter will pick up on his feelings and that could play havoc with her self-esteem. Admittedly she will have to face up to his indifference even if her parents separate, but at least her home, where she lives with you, will be a warm and loving space where she'll know she's fully wanted.

Widgets · 30/09/2022 22:46

Leave and protect your daughter from future harm, if she hears any of these conversations / arguments they will stay with her (and mentally damage her) for the rest of her life

Cats23 · 30/09/2022 22:48

Widgets · 30/09/2022 22:46

Leave and protect your daughter from future harm, if she hears any of these conversations / arguments they will stay with her (and mentally damage her) for the rest of her life

Agree!
I'd be gone the next day!

allboysherebutme · 30/09/2022 22:48

Leave or make him. X

Weirdlynormal · 30/09/2022 22:50

What a cunt. Why stay with such a man

Cameleongirl · 30/09/2022 22:53

His expectations of children are ridiculous, he has such high standards he has no friends and falls out with everyone. I'm the only one that puts up with him.

I think that tells you everything, OP, he's the problem, not your DD. No one likes him or wants to be around him, and there's no reason for you and your DD to put up with his nastiness either. He's going to be a lonely old man.

Herejustforthisone · 30/09/2022 22:54

Do not knowingly subject your daughter to a rejection that will profoundly and catastrophically damage her and her future relationships.

Do not be complicit in her rejection. You have to leave. You have to.

Toiletduck · 01/10/2022 10:55

Seek a marriage councillor and nip this in the bud. 10 years and a child together is a lot to throw away. Sounds like he needs a kick up the arse quite frankly! Manchild

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