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DS's friend at school is naughty

11 replies

greenbananas29 · 30/09/2022 09:58

So DS 5 and a half has a friend at school in his class that he took to right from day 1.
He has lots of other friends in the class but this boy is the one he talks about all the time, and plays with most days.
He is a sweet boy but has had a hard upbringing and is fostered so inevitably he has a few behavioural issues.
He is quite naughty in class and is always in time out, getting told off and yesterday there something that hit the teacher 😳
My boy is a good boy, and I'm worried about his new friend being the naughty one of the class 😂🙈
How can I make sure he doesn't copy what his friend does or get into trouble because I'm worried he will get drawn into the naughty behaviour if he becomes too fixed on having this boy as his favourite friend?

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Chattycathydoll · 30/09/2022 10:01

You already know this boy has had a difficult start. Why couldn’t you frame it to your son that this poor boy hasn’t had anyone to teach him to behave properly. You’ve taught him how, but this poor boy doesn’t know. Maybe if he behaves nicely even when he wants to join in with naughtiness, the other boy will learn from him.

Poor kid :(

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greenbananas29 · 30/09/2022 10:04

I think you've misunderstood...
My boy does behave nicely and I think is a good influence on his friend, but I'm just asking how I can tactfully say to my boy not to copy or indulge in any of the behaviour that his friend gets told off for as I'm worried he will start to copy or think what his friend is doing is right or funny etc.

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Chattycathydoll · 30/09/2022 10:08

Yes, that was my point- tell your son his friend hasn’t had anyone to teach him better. That he’s lucky he knows not to behave like that, so if he keeps on being good his friend will learn from him instead. That inspires him to think of himself a role model to his friend.

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inheritanceshiteagain · 30/09/2022 10:09

Wherever possible discourage the friendship. You're right your DS will copy this behaviour.

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greenbananas29 · 30/09/2022 10:11

Chattycathydoll · 30/09/2022 10:08

Yes, that was my point- tell your son his friend hasn’t had anyone to teach him better. That he’s lucky he knows not to behave like that, so if he keeps on being good his friend will learn from him instead. That inspires him to think of himself a role model to his friend.

I understand now thank you that makes sense ☺️

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NotLactoseFree · 30/09/2022 10:12

inheritanceshiteagain · 30/09/2022 10:09

Wherever possible discourage the friendship. You're right your DS will copy this behaviour.

That's so mean. To discourage a friendship at this age because a child is "naughty" is ridiculous and cruel. Especially as the child has not had a negative impact on your child at this point.

Agree with a PP - tell him that he can help his friend by encouraging him behave well. Perhaps make an effort to meet the foster family and engage more with them so that you understand more what's been happening in terms of behaviour etc.

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Arucanafeather · 30/09/2022 10:14

My youngest has this. Her friend even tried to stop her playing with the other kids, as they just wanted her to play with him. They had even sat her next to him in class (I suspect because he found school easier sat next to my DD) so it was an all day impact on her not just play time.

I popped into school and said that my DD loved her new friend but was struggling with the fact he was trying to stop her playing with the other kids and wanted her all to himself. They were brilliant. Immediately moved her in class (which I wanted but hadn’t asked for!) and kept an eye in the playground. She picked up I struggle with how he acts even though I’ve never told her I feel that way and if I ask her about her day she tells me that she got to play with lots of other kids - but actually he’s a lovely boy and they have a lovely friendship. I suspect her friendship will help him cope better in class, as having this solid friendship (my DD naturally finds being at school easy whereas her siblings found school much more of a challenge to get used to) with my DD will naturally help him learn “better” (more socially acceptable) way to get his needs met. The school have even given her an in-school award certificate citing her kindness in helping him settle in as the reason she got the award. So subtly telling both of them, at the moment he needs to copy her to get the attention he needs (which is driving his behaviour) rather than her coping him. It’s a lovely little school and one 5 min chat from me to them saying my DD was struggling just a little has given them information they needed and they’ve immediately sprung into action to help both my child and her new friend.

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Chattycathydoll · 30/09/2022 10:15

inheritanceshiteagain · 30/09/2022 10:09

Wherever possible discourage the friendship. You're right your DS will copy this behaviour.

What a cruel thing to say about a 5 year old in foster care.

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lunar1 · 30/09/2022 10:20

Ive said this on a similar thread before. Ds1 is a well behaved boy, always has been it's his nature. One of his best friends is completely the opposite and is always in trouble, ds has never copied. ds1's hobbies are music, dance etc.

That's not easy for a child who is now a teenager. I'm pretty sure the reason nobody has ever dared give him a hard time is down to the friendship with this boy he made at three.

I remember his mum saying years ago that she was grateful I never made a fuss as he already had so many issues. She cried when I told her I felt her DS was a positive in my sons life.

Ask yourself if this child is kind to your son, he has been through a tough childhood. He doesn't need other parents making it harder if it's not necessary.

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scrufffy · 30/09/2022 10:23

It isn't inevitable that a child in foster care will have behavioural issues.

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RedHelenB · 30/09/2022 11:03

inheritanceshiteagain · 30/09/2022 10:09

Wherever possible discourage the friendship. You're right your DS will copy this behaviour.

Nonsense

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