I'm so sick of worrying about autism

[Cupofteaonesugar]

My eldest child had a speech delay. He was seen by speech and language therapy and he readily made me aware that my son had some autistic traits and speech delay and autism tend to come hand-in-hand.

Anyway my son went through speech therapy his speech caught up and he was fine. Although I do acknowledge he does have some characteristic traits of autism he's not struggled in school so far and that has been dismissed by speech therapy when he is discharged.

Fast forward a couple years and my youngest son who is now two years and four months old also has a speech delay He can say certain words but he doesn't talk.
I would say he probably has a vocabulary of around 50 words which includes the alphabet and numbers. He has just started pointing at things and taking me places when you want something. I do see certain ways in trying to communicate with me but he is definitely behind where we should be.
Other things that my son does is obsess over certain toys, obsess over certain aspects of toys for example wheels, he also struggles slightly with other children for example he doesn't really understand sharing and does hit. I don't really blame him for the latter, he's been a lockdown baby and not had much interaction with other children. He has started nursery in the last few weeks and I'm starting a few new clubs with him.

Anyway I'm feeling really upset because nursery a flat that he has a speech today and again I've been reminded that that is often linked to autism Andy to cycle of the characteristics of my eldest.
I just feel like I've spent so many years worrying about them having autism. Does anyone have an experience about this?

That sounds really hard, and you’ve got me a bit worried as I thought the ‘target’ (so to speak) was about fifty words by age 2?

Mine can also be a hitter, he’s been in nursery since ten months and he has attended plenty of baby and toddler classes with me I think some children just are.

Does your boy make eye contact? I know it’s not the be all and end all but it’s a biggie.

My son said a few words on his second birthday, loves cars, wheels, trains and currently obsessed with aeroplanes

He's now four and his speech is absolutely amazing!
His expressive speech just took a little longer.

Milestones are just that .... unless there is a big concern such as eye contact, responding to people when spoken to etc I wouldn't worry just yet x

Don't let it steal your joy
All children have little quirks and behaviours x

I'm not sure if this is helpful, OP, but I guess it depends on why you are worrying about autism?

Obviously you can't change whether or not they are autistic.

You can decide whether or not to pursue an assessment for either of them to find out? There is evidence that early diagnosis (and the support and understanding that accompanies it) is associated with better life outcomes.

Often problems become more apparent with time, including with the secondary transition and the increasing challenges of social communications/interactions.

So personally I'd focus my worry on whether leaving it to see what happens as they get older, or seeking an assessment at this stage, has more benefits for them?

Thank you all, I really do appreciate the replies as I'm feeling really overwhelmed right now.
I think part of the reason why I'm so overwhelmed is because of how much the whole autistic worry effected me first time and I promised myself I would get upset like this again and to wait and see. My eldest has his little quirks but he's doing amazingly.

My second is such a happy boy (apart from why he doesn't get what he wants). He's always maintained eye contact and responds to his name probably 65% percent of the time 🙈 But I've just noticed him flapping his hands when excited or annoyed and that's worrying me too.

I think was really ignited this was we were at a toddler group last week and hit hit a girl and we were both absolutely shunned by the mums for the rest of the session. That added with nursery's comments 3 days later im just feeling sad 😢

I've been enquiring about private SALT and everywhere local has waiting lists. Im just really overwhelmingly worried!

Thank you, you're absolutely right xxx

You're absolutely right.
Deep down I want him with his social and language skills but I don't want any assessments or autism talks. I find this worrying, I don't like the idea of a label unless it would benifit them.
My eldest outgrew all of the concerns I had early on but if I'd pursued it that maybe he'd have been branded!
But the worry just gets to me

This.

You poor, poor mama. I used to worry about my boy - masssssive language delay, obsessive about certain things, used to line things up.

Turns out it was his EARS. Yep. Glue ear had deafened him.

He is now 7 and absolutely flying it.

I spent years worrying about him and someone said to me "in ten years time, will you be happy you spent all this time worrying about him rather than enjoying him?". It really hit home.

Of course I still worried, but I reminded myself of this and I really reduced it.

Do your best, and look after yourself. I just know you're a wonderful mummy.

Please don’t say ‘labelled’ and ‘branded’, being autistic really isn’t a negative thing. And if your dc are autistic they need to know in order to understand themselves so that they don’t spend their lives feeling that there’s something wrong with them. It’s part of their identity and knowing it can only ever help them.

I cried when dc1 was diagnosed. Ten years later dc2 was diagnosed and I was happy. I was diagnosed myself somewhere in between them. It made sense of my life and I so so wish I had known and that the people around me had known as I was growing up.

I know how you feel.

It took me ages to get my head round it when things first came up regarding my child.

It wasn't that I wanted to change him, I was scared for him.
Just a year down the line he has done amazing and more than I could ever imagine.
And he still has so many years to go.

As cheesy as it sounds, he's my little best mate, I understand him more than anyone and we have such a laugh together. I believe he came into my life for a reason.

Enjoy your son, little people are the best 💙

No autistic child is labelled or branded. They're diagnosed.

My child was and is incredibly verbally fluent. He had a reading age of 16 when he was 11. He's autistic. He's also a really amazing son and all round human being and I am absolutely blessed to have him.

I find it really offensive that other mothers think having a child like mine is pretty much the worst thing that can happen.

It's not.

I suppose part of it is why you are worrying about autism in the first place.

What are you worried about, if he is autistic?

My brother is autistic. He also has a lovely wife, lovely cat, impressive job, degree from a RG uni, hobbies, and a solid group of friends. In many ways he’s doing objectively better than me, a non-autistic single mother in a very ordinary job. Most importantly, he’s happy.

If one or both of your kids are autistic, what would actually be bad about that? Why does it worry you?

I don't want my son to hit or struggle speaking or struggle socialising.
If you take offence from me worrying then I'm sorry you feel that but this thread isn't about your son or me saying anything about him it's about my son and his struggles.

I don't want any assessments or autism talks. I find this worrying, I don't like the idea of a label unless it would benifit them.

An assessment doesn't make your child autistic but a 'label' does benefit autistic children. It gives easier access to help and can help you find the right support and understand neurodiversity better.

I'm sorry your son is hitting other children. That doesn't mean he's autistic though. My son has never hit or bitten or been aggressive to anyone.

I hope you find a way through

My youngest has developmental delays and school have inferred a few times about possible autism. I think for us we have needed time to process this. We had the same fears about misdiagnosis but have decided to go ahead with referrals just to make sure we give her all the support she needs. A lot of doors open with a diagnosis but I think as a parent there is a lot of worry and uncertainty about the future

He has started nursery in the last few weeks and I'm starting a few new clubs with him.

He's 2, a baby. He's doesn't need clubs. What he most needs now is one to one attention from and interaction with a familiar person, you. You engaging and talking to him is the best way to encourage his speech and comprehension.

Hitting is not lovely but it's the nature of 2 yr olds they want what they want now and if another child has it, they will grab or snatch etc quite roughly. Sharing nicely is a far more sophisticated development for the future.

Don't worry too much about the hitting- yet. My DS almost 2 was the nursery biter for about 3 weeks and then it just stopped. I dreaded each pick up day and was so worried they would kick him out- which they do in at nurseries in US though not as much in UK it seems.

Obviously we worked on it at home and nursery and watched his triggers. His language has come far the last few weeks, and we think being able to express himself better has helped. Nursery said some kids do it and some don't and to try not to worry.

Our DS is bilingual, and kids from those environments are often a bit behind in speaking at first. This has been the case for him. On the other hand there is a boy a month younger who is actually non verbal and is the gentle giant of the toddler bunch. I don't think either is autistic.

Hitting and biting are often short lived although it feels terrible being that parent and it feels long to you.

I've started zumbini with him and I want to take him to a new coffee morning. I don't see what's wrong with that. He loved his zumbini class last week. Don't get me wrong he was in la la land most of the time running around the room but seeing his happy little face ment the world. I'm hoping more exposure to social situations might help as I'm extremely aware with lockdown and post lockdown habits he has had very limited exposure to other children.

You're right about the sharing... it's just easy to feel like you're the only one 😩

Mine and no speech delay at all and for diagnosed as autistic age 6

Thanks so much for sharing ♥️
I really understand what you're saying about that dreaded feeling! I feel like that. I feel like it's always my son atm when soemthing goes wrong (because it normally is!) 🙈
His triggers are definitely sharing, other people getting upset and jealousy!

The thing is, worrying about it won't change whether they do have autism or not.

They're still your sons, keep an open mind.

My eldest was diagnosed ASD at 11. No speech delay, very bright.

My middle is quite bright, some anxiety issues but makes friends etc. likely ASD

Youngest few words at 2, displays signs of ADHD like me. Average attainment at school, very sliceable.

They are who they are, the diagnosis or otherwise won't change who they are 💗

Love - my dad is autistic.

Omg the worry I had . All for nothing.

He's 30 now . He's married. He lives over seas as his wife is Asian . He speaks mandarin and Thai. He is employed in his specialist interest. He's living his absolute best life .

My advice? Stop worrying. Xx

Dad ? Ffs this phone is driving me insane !

That should say my ds. My son.

Oh and I did get my boy a diagnosis- because that was the gateway to support. And he's totally secure in the knowledge that yeah he's a bit different- and he knows why. And he's at peace with that. Better to know I think .

Parent of (at least) two autistic children here and autistic myself.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned is that autism has many presentations in different people. So only a professional is in a position to diagnose, and by that I mean an in depth assessment. It irritates me when I hear people repeating the same old tropes over and over, like ‘their eye contact is fine’. In my family, the one who is NT is also the one who doesn’t have great eye contact.

You can’t change anything by worrying. And it’s one of those things that is better identified young if it’s there. I went through life, being screamed at by teachers who felt that my difficulties were not acceptable because I was academically able. In their minds, a person with a spiky ability profile must be doing that on purpose.

I’ve got one child with very high care needs, she’s 20 now. The other dd with a diagnosis is 13. They couldn’t be more different from each other. The 2 year old seems to be very academically able and has a phenomenal language repertoire for her age. But there is a question mark over her because of her anxieties, occasional stims and the fact that she’s taught herself all the phonics sounds and recognised numbers and letters from about 16 months.

Even if either of your children has autism, they are still your child with their own personality.