Minor arguments in front of DC

[namechangeagain123456]

Hi all,

I'm just wondering what everyone thinks about this.

I have a nearly one year old and sometimes myself and DP will have minor disagreements, think 'you said you were getting formula on your way home and you've not, now I'm going to have to go out' type of thing in an annoyed tone of voice. Not the likes of YOU FUCKING DICKHEAD YOUVE SLEPT WITH MY SISTER followed by throwing things / fighting.

Obviously I try not to argue in front of baby but sometimes we do.

But I worry myself sick about everything and now I'm worried that baby will have picked up on the annoyed tone of voice and that it will affect his development/personality/life.

Does anyone else have disagreements in front of DC?

Of course we do, I don't think it would be natural to not. BUT we are never disrespectful and make sure the kids also see us making up and discussing calmly what the disagreement was about and coming to some sort of agreement.

Same as @Daisypod here

In a year or two you will be having arguments with your DC so I wouldn't worry about it

This has made me laugh 🤣🤣🤣

Thank you all for answering, I feel a bit better now!

Children need to see parents argue about normal stuff, resolve the dispute, make up and be loving again. Otherwise they will be afraid of conflict and not learn conflict resolution.

This doesn't mean they need to witness abuse on any level.

BUT "arghhh you said you would get gravy on your way home, I cant serve a roast to my in-laws without bloomin gravy, god you knew this meal was important, couldnt you have just remembered this argghhhh" is fine.

They ideally then need to see Daddy popping off to the shop and getting it and mummy and daddy loving, laughing and normal again later.

Exactly this.

Thank you!!

That's exactly what it's like, just nagging when he's not tidied up / ate the babies snacks ect 😂

Trying to avoid discussions like this and minor arguments would lead to a household where there is a lot of simmering resentment until the kids are in bed and the parents can finally stop acting everything's okay. Not good. Anger and arguments are a part of life and children need to learn healthy ways of dealing with them.

I agree with @Mrstumbletap but also am interested that it's bad enough that you have posted on here, so wondering if it's a bit more than a normal level of bickering?

It's hard to say what's 'normal' of course but it sounds like it's enough to be bothering you.

If it's really happening a lot and playing on your mind it might be worth talking to your partner about these little conflicts and why they are happening so much. I'd always recommend a bit of couple's counselling to everyone, it doesn't have to be in a crisis, it can really help your relationship and communication.

It's normal to have some minor conflict now and again, but it's not normal for it to be a massive part of life.

I think it's good for a child to witness minor disagreements, provided they are handled respectfully and (hopefully) resolved. Not everyone gets on all the time. Children learn from modelled behaviour, so if they see their parents bickering but in a calm and non aggressive way, it shows them that you can disagree with someone in a respectful way. I wouldn't be worried. I grew up in a household where my parents had outrageous shouting matches and said wicked things to each other, that's definitely not appropriate around kids. But minor tiffs where parents disagree or clash without shouting or name calling are harmless and part of life imo.

Hey. It's probably a minor argument maybe twice a month at most. I have severe anxiety though about EVERYTHING which is why it's playing on my mind. My partner said 'we don't even argue' when I brought it up to him 🤦🏼‍♀️

I think the problems more my anxiety than the arguing, I've been thinking about going to the doctor about it, I think it's probably time I did x