Think my daughter doesn't love me - heartbroken

[diffusedl]

My daughter is 8 months old. 3 months ago, I left her dad and he moved out because he abused me and assaulted me. I now have my daughter 4 nights a week and 5 days roughly. She's close to my mum and my mum looks after her while a work a couple days a week.

Im so upset because my daughter loves my mum more than me and it's so obvious she feels safer with her than me. I'm glad they have a great relationship, but I will admit that I am so jealous and it hurts my heart. Everyone days I'm being silly, but i know the truth

If I'm holding her, she cries and reaches for my mum the minute she sees her. When my mums holding her, she doesn't reach for me and cries when I take her back. It's the same with her dad and it's hurting me so much. I can't help but take it personally or think maybe I'm not maternal or good enough. I feel like it's making me depressed

It's got to the point I hate giving her to people because it makes me cry every single time she doesn't want me to have her back. I hate it

Babies often cry more with the person they trust the most, because they trust you to give them what they need.

All babies and children want the person they see less of, because they're novel and exciting. If she is happy to explore away from you, it's because she knows she is safe with you, and safe in your love for her.

I know it seems back to front, but if anything her behaviour is proof that she DOES love you, and that you're doing a good job.

I promise she loves you. All babies do this to an extent - as she gets older it’ll get better.

Of course she loves you. She barely even knows that you and her are two separate beings. She knows you are always there, and it is your mother and her dad that she is less sure of because she sees them less. Her behaviour is totally normal and not a sign of anything to do with your connection to her.

Aw, she loves you more than anyone, and that bond will get deeper over the years.

When she's a bit older, she will want you more than anyone.

Try to enjoy that she's secure enough to want others too, it's a good sign.

In a few years you'll look back and wish you hadn't done all this worrying.

Sounds to me like you're doing a great job giving her the security she needs to build relationships with other people. You've had a really tough start but she loves you, you're her safety blanket, other people can be fun too, and she's working that out right now.

Hate to be all "wait till she's older" but my 4yo who usually refuses to speak to any one who isnt me, told me she only likes her daddy now and that I smelt of bum this morning so wait till that stage kicks in.

Is she spending the rest of the time with her father? I would be very concerned about that.

She doesn’t. But the fact that you think she does means your tension is probably palpable to her and you might be creating a cycle. I wish they bloody weren’t but babies really are so good at picking up on how we feel.

I'm so sorry. When I went back to work when my son was 9 months old he did the same to me. When he could talk at 13 months he said "no mummy" a lot and it killed me. He was just upset because I had left and was showing in his limited way he was mad at me for leaving BECAUSE he loved me. It killed me, but we're super super close now so don't worry, it will work itself out.

Your daughter loves you!! And you're a good mum.

But I would be worried about your abusive ex taking care of her.... good luck xx

Are the visits with her dad supervised? I’m so sorry you went through that.

Thank you everyone.
She seems to be more comfortable with her dad and nanna and u just really feel like I've done something wrong. Maybe I don't cuddle her enough. Her dad does contact naps and plays all the time with her because he lives with his parents who help. I have to put her down to play herself a lot and nap in her cot because I have all the housework to do. Maybe that's why she always reaches for him. If my mum or her dad are around, she NEVER reaches for me
It hurts the most because her dad hurt me and was so nasty and yet he gets all the reward. I'm working and running a whole house alone and it feels so unfair.
I do appreciate everyone's concern, but it's all been dealt with. It was decided that he doesn't need supervised visits and now family support workers aren't involved as they feel it's case closed. I'm not sure how h feel about it all to be honest. But that's another story! This is about myself and my baby. I love her so much and but this is making me depressed. I feel so much guilt and sadness every single day. I cry when I see her reach for others and when she rejects me. I cry when I have to leave her for work. I work 24 hours a week
Sorry if that's all messy. I'm just heartbroken. I feel like if I wasn't here anymore she wouldn't even miss me

I thought you were going to say fifteen!

Of course she loves you, she's an eight month old baby. You are her mother. Nobody's else is her mother and nobody else is going to be.

To me, it sounds like you are over analysing what's happening. She might be crying for no end of reasons. Babies cry.

Have you got a sling you can put her in when you are getting on with other things?