Crying every morning, year R!

[AmieB]

Hi guys,
So our 4yo is now 3, almost 4 weeks into infant school, she is an August baby so one of the youngest, however every morning she cries hysterically, doesn't want to go in, says she hates school etc.
I know she's little, I know it's early days still, we've spoken to her teacher and she confirmed nothing has happened/is going on and that after a few minutes and a cuddle she settles down and is happy when we pick her up at home time!
I just wondered if anyone else had experienced this and had any tips/advice?
We have tried numerous things - letting her play on the playground first, keeping her laughing when we wait to go in, letting her go in 1st, letting her go in last, we are always super super positive but the crying is persisting. :(
Not a moan at all, just feel sad for her.
Thank you :)

My only advice is to consider pulling her out and sending her again next year when she's 5. She's very young to be at school, perhaps she just isn't ready for it yet? I'm sending my June born to reception at 5 next year. She absolutely wouldn't be thriving at reception now. She's still in pre-school now at her usual private nursery and she loves it and is thriving her with phonics and numbers but she needs the extra year to develop her social, communication, emotional regulation and physical skills, and her confidence. Look up the Facebook group 'flexible school admissions for summer born children' for more info.

Honestly there were quite a few children in my daughters reception class that cried each morning. But it gradually stopped. I'd say by jan/Feb they gaf all settled. Now in year 1 the kids all run in! It's a big transition but if persevere especially as she is happy in the day and at home time

I don't know if it will help or not, but when I had this with mine I went the other way, rather than being super positive I would acknowledge with my daughter that yes it is a bit hard and scary, give her a big cuddle and tell her to be brave. talk through what she will be doing throughout the morning/day at school, and that you will be there to pick her up at X time, and that if she is really scared or upset she can talk to the teacher. Then I made sure we did nice things/treats, like tv or a hot chocolate, when we got home, as a well done for being so brave and such a big girl etc. Mine did settle although I don't want to say that's because of my approach, she might have settled anyway :)

Thanks guys.
@SecondhandTable we did look at this and also the option of doing half days but she's been at preschool since she was 2, 4 days a week all day long so I feel its not the routine/exhaustion of it etc as she's used to being in school/away from us/learning.
Also when we collect her she's happy as Larry, she always says she can't wait to go tomorrow, she loves school etc so it's a total change from when we drop her off.
I'm definitely going to persevere with sending her and hope it settles, I just didn't know if anyone has experienced this and has tips on how we can help her xx

I wouldn't pull her out.
4 weeks for a child isn't a long time to settle.
You know she's happy once she's there which is the main thing.
Some children just need abit time for the morning drop off as even though they love it, it can still be daughting.

I've heard people drawing a heart on the child's wrist and then one on yours, so if she's missing you she touches the heart and you know and press it back.
Lots of praise and I agree with pp, say we will have a little pamper tonight etc.

@SunshineClouds1
I actually love that idea, thank you! I will do it tomorrow!
I don't want to pull her out, we did look at it but it would be our very last option, as she's happy and has enjoyed her day at pick up we know she is fine, just want to help with the sadness at drop off.
This morning she turned away from the class going 'no no no no', broke my heart :( 😞

Have a look at dr.martha.psychologist on Instagram. She has quite a lot on dealing with children starting school, including the love button mentioned above

My August baby cried constantly all last year going in and out of school.
it was like clock work as soon as the school door opened. TBH I knew she was fine the minute she hung her coat up. She excelled in her first year, made friends, won the class award, in one of the top reading sets-but she just cried going in.

I appreciate school must be overwhelming at that age, but I dont think pulling a child out sends the right message at all. My advice, if happy once in school, is dont make a big deal out of it.

My DD struggled with the transition to reception, what worked for her was letting her take her comfort toy into school (in her book bag). Does your DD have one?

My DD was like this. Cried on and off at drop off for 3 years all through infant school. Nothing we tried worked. She was happy when she was in but it seemed the dropping off part was what she didn't like. We just kept persevering and it got better over time but was very stressful.

However, as she got older she started to get a bit anxious again when she was dropped off at sport practice (which she again wanted to go to) and wouldn't sleepover at anyone's house - we had her friends here most weekends instead.

She's now 16 and has no issues with any of this stuff. She outgrew it and happily did sleepovers, weeks away with school etc from about age 11.

She's now extremely confident, always out socialising, at work or doing her hobbies and takes everything in her stride.

When I ask about why she used to be anxious about these things She's not sure and is embarrassed by it, but just liked being in her own home with her own stuff.

Be firm & don't hang around. Get there when you can deposit straight into the classroom or direct to the teacher. A quick have a lovely day and me/dad/nanny etc will pick you up after school, maybe a kiss and then leave. No hanging around, no trying to reassure etc. Short and sharp handover. Keep repeating it exactly the same each day and it should improve.

Just keep persevering and they should grow out of it! Good luck.

@chocolateoranges33 awww thank you so much! That really has reassured me. I guess we forget sometimes how little they are don't we? Will definitely take on the advice of keeping it short & sweet at drop off! Perhaps I do fuss a bit too much but it really pulls at my heart strings and then I spend most of the day at work thinking I'm going to get a phone call to go and pick her up 🤣
Hopefully it will settle in time xx

OP I am in exactly the same situation with my 4 year old son. Has a lovely time when there and comes out happy and smiling but drop offs are heartbreaking. It definitely feels like he is the only one crying going in. He has to be taken by the teacher while going "no no no mummy. Mummyyyyy!!" It is awful to watch but I've had a chat to the teacher who promises me he is absolutely fine as soon as he is inside. So I have no wisdom for you, just solidarity and hope that our little ones feel happier about going in soon!

Could be a bit of her not being a morning person also

I was a September baby and I cried every day when I started, so it wasn't age in my case, if my mum had taken me out of school for a bit longer I'd have been delighted, but it would only have delayed the inevitable.

Can anyone else drop her off?
Just keep it bright and breezy, don't drag out the goodbye - do you have to wait with her as they go in? At ours as soon as the teachers are outside, parents leave.

Mine did this for reception and year 1 until the pandemic hit 🤪 it just about broke me. He struggled with the transition - once he was in he loved it, has always loved school, is a popular and well liked kid by teachers and other kids, his teacher was baffled by it. We could see him through the window and as soon as his teacher had taken him in (after having to carry him off me every morning for A YEAR AND A HALF) literally he'd run over to his best mate and be giggling away as if two minutes prior he hadn't been screaming the playground down.

Year 3 now, loves school, goes in happy as anything.

I used to teach Reception and now have a child in Reception. What you're going through is really, really common. Just persevere and hopefully it'll all settle down soon. My son was like this initially with nursery so you have my sympathies.

Thank you so much everyone, you've all made the situation seem so much easier!
I'm just dreading mornings at the moment, it starts from the minute she wakes up she asks 'have I got school today' and as soon as I say yes it begins 🙃 just going to persevere and hope in time she settles!
This afternoon she came out Giggling and said 'mummy I made best friends with a BOY today' 🤣🤣

Thanks everyone, it's amazing when you know it's really common, and yes @Rosebud1302 it 100% feels like she is the only one! You must just zone out from it as the teacher is always saying it's okay she's not the only one! Haha xx

How did the rest of her week go op?