Really really struggling. Hating this.

[Chester72]

I’m absolutely hating this.

DD2 is 12 weeks old and since birth has hated being away from me even for a second. She cries a horrendous cry anytime I’ve ever had to put her down, and just will not stop until I pick her up again. At which point she’s instantly calm. I kept thinking at 8 weeks the crying will start to decrease and she will relax more, but 12 weeks in we are in the same position except for maybe twice a day when randomly she will decide she’s ok to be on her play mat for 10 mins. It makes it very very difficult for DD1 who is almost 3 - I never ever have time to play with her. When DD1 is awake she isn’t happy unless I’m holding her and pacing around, and she hates being in a sing so that doesn’t work. Then when she’s asleep, she has to sleep on me, wakes up the second I put her down. She hates being in the double buggy so I can’t even leave the house to take them both for a walk as it’s endless hysterical crying. I feel completely and utterly trapped. I’m not enjoying a single second. My parents and friends have tried countless times to hold her to give me a break but she becomes hysterical again and always has to be passed back. She will settle to a point with my husband but only as long as he’s constantly pacing and rocking her and only for about 5/10 mins. The HV came round today and saw what was happening and said she had never seen a baby like it. Just so so so unsettled. I’ve taken her to GP numerous times - just got told “some babies are like this”. Not only is she intense in the day, but night times are horrific. She wakes every 30-45 mins throughout the night. I’m currently sat up with her asleep on my shoulder and I’m poorly with covid and just feeling like I can’t do this anymore. I thought by 12 weeks we would have an improvement but nothing. I miss DD1 and the lovely relationship we used to have. I don’t Understand why DD1 is so insecure that I can’t even pass her to anyone for 2 mins. Last week, just to make my toddler lunch, I had to put her in her bouncy chair for 5 mins and she screamed and cried so much I had to change her as her clothes were drenched in sweat from being so upset. She won’t take a dummy. She’s combi-fed. I’m just at a loss as I don’t know how long I can continue with this intensity day and night.

Did the HV offer any suggestions or help? It's a bit useless to say she's never seen a baby like that and not do anything.

Could you try lining the bouncy chair with a t shirt you've worn a couple of times.

Put some music on and something sparkly to look at and then just get on with making DD's lunch. If the baby cries, she cries. Maybe she'll start to realise that the sky doesn't fall down if you're not holding her. Not very helpful I know but I can't think what else to suggest. I think you do have to go back to the GP in case it's something medical. Ask the HV to back you up.

You could also try a few drops of lavender oil in a diffuser or a bowl of steaming water.

Babies like this are usually either hungry or in pain.

is she bottle or breast fed and how is feeding going? Does she have a tongue tie?

pain wise you’d be looking at CMPA, reflux, or a combination of the two.

I’m so sorry, I’ve been there and it is grim.

Have you considered a sling. Babies want to be close to you whereas a toddler wants you to run around and be with them. A sling would allow this.

Other than that I've had a few friends pay for cranial osteopathy and they have raced about it and instantly fixed the crying nightmare. I've never used it but came close with number 3 but you know in time everything gets easier.

www.baby-magazine.co.uk/what-is-cranial-osteopathy/

@LapinR0se she is combi fed - she has 2 bottles of formula a day and the rest is breast. feeding has always been a breeze and she’s now double her birth weight and lots of wet and dirty nappies. She’s been on gaviscon for a few weeks “incase” she has silent reflux but she has no symptoms of anything like that and it’s made no difference. X

@pompomsontheceiling unfortunately she won’t entertain the sling. I keep persevering and try it all the time but she gets really really upset in there and cries until I take her out, no matter how much walking I do! X

Would you consider cranial osteopathy? Maybe look into it. I think it's a one off session.

The constant crying and inability to settle is a symptom of silent reflux. Gaviavon is worse than useless though.
There is also the possibility of just severe overtiredness causing most of this

I had one of those babies. Cried 18 hours a day and hated being laid flat on his back. He had CMPA and silent reflux.

He is 9YO now and is still grumpy a lot of a the time.

@LapinR0se that’s the thing though, she settles immediately with me, just loses her mind whenever she’s away from me even for a second. She’s been like it since the day we got home

Definitely sounds like reflux to me, I would take her to the GP

Poor you. It’s very, very tough.

My baby like that settled in the sling after 10-15 minutes if walked, as long as she was in the right position (upright, some but not too much pressure on tummy, very high up so she could nestle under our chin against bare skin). A sling library helped me get it right, and once I did she would (eventually) settle for DH in the sling and that gave me a break. Sometimes she wailed for ages as he walked round and round the neighbourhood but it was at least somewhere I couldn’t hear, and I got a shower.

A rocking cradle swing was the other place she would sometimes settle - it went side to side (front to back made her throw up).

She also hated the pram, the car and the car seat and the playmat.

It got better once she started eating solids, but she carried on needing lots of cuddles, not liking loud noises and having a sensitive tummy right through to primary age.

I have one of these currently, my first who is almost impossible to put down during the day. Fortunately an ok overnight sleeper.

It’s incredibly wearing driving with a screaming baby, and not being able to put her in the buggy. She frequently gets overtired unless I facilitate naps on me. I watched in amazement at my first baby class that other babies will lie on a playmat whilst Mum chats to others!

We’ve seen a lactation consultant, the GP and a cranial osteopath. The latter said she would sleep soundly after the appointment. She was actually utterly inconsolable for hours, it was horrendous.

The sling has saved our sanity but she only likes a stretchy wrap or the Close Caboo (similar) and she spends hours in there every day. If you’ve got a baby Bjorn or other structured carrier, it might not be cosy enough for her? I’d second the idea of a sling library.

Been there, I suspect he had reflux or similar and I was unaware, also had a posterior tongue tie that was missed. He just couldn't lie down, car seat/upright buggy seat is also the worse if they are in pain.
I felt like I tried everything. The most helpful thing was actually just accepting that I was going to hold him pretty much the whole time and reminding myself things do change over time. Also stopping comparing myself & babies to others- we were on our own timeline. I doubt very much anything will completely solve the issue but I would explore alternative slings (I tried 3 different sorts and he did settle in one). It will change and one day you will put baby down with no issues!