A couple of friends who recently got married abroad have 4 kids between them ranging between 6-14 yo.
We all went away for their wedding. They did nothing but shout at the kids all holiday and say no to everything the kids asked for, so much so, the kids came to me and my husband for things like asking for a juice or could they have some of our pastries from the bakery.
After our friends got married, they had a mini moon on holiday where for 3 nights they went and stopped in a 5* hotel but the kids stayed in the Aparthotel resort with the grandparents and us which I felt was fair enough.
One of the couple said they were going ‘swimming with dolphins’ so all the kids got super excited only to be told ‘no you’re not going, it’s just us for our honeymoon’…the disappointment on the kids faces was awful. I was a bit shocked that our friends seemed to almost be mean to the kids about it, like why mention it at all in front of them if you didn’t plan to include them? Later on one of the kids started crying on me saying ‘they wished they could at least see the dolphins’ I just found the whole thing bizarre and a bit sad really. But I get it was their honeymoon and therefore a special occasion.
Fast forward a few months, and we went round to their house for a birthday party….as a surprise the husband had planned a child free weekend away… with a trip to the zoo and booked an animal encounter experience, again the kids asked if they were going to the zoo only to be told ‘no it’s too expensive to take all of you we’re just going’…
I looked over to the grandparents to see if they were shocked at this and they too seemed to agree the expense was too much to take the children. Me and my husband looked at each other as if to say WTF. If they couldn't afford to take the kids why let them all tentatively watch her open the gift and then listen to what it was and find out they again hadn't been included.
Is this normal? No one in the room apart from us seemed to think this was selfish/weird.
I get adults sometimes need some couple time and it’s nice if you have the chance but it’s made me really sad for the kids. Why choose to do things they know the kids would enjoy or want to do and not include them? If cost is an issue, don’t go, save the money towards when you can all go.
I always put my little girl before myself and would never dream of going to the zoo or something where it’s perfect for a child without taking her. I certainly wouldn’t make it known it’s intentional she is missing out.
Said couple’s kids all have the latest technology, designer branded clothing etc. But I feel like what they actually want is time from their parents and experiences together.
It’s really made me question if I want to continue a close friendship with this couple. Their moral compass seems to be way different to that of mine and my husband.
I mean am I missing something here but does this seem a bit off to be constantly ditching the kids to do things together that the kids would love to be involved in and worst still, to make sure they know they are missing out?