Doesn’t want to go

Kasey2879 · 2022-09-26T14:51:04+00:00

How do you console a 5 year old who doesn’t want to go to the other parents on a court ordered child arrangements order I feel like I’m failing as a parent

SpinningFloppa · 26/09/2022 15:53

Same way you would if they didn’t want to go to school?

KangarooKenny · 26/09/2022 15:55

It’s not up to you to force it, but all you can do is be positive and encouraging.

365millionusernames · 26/09/2022 15:55

You're positive about it and don't make it a huge deal. Put yourself in the shoes of the other parent and say what you would want them to say should the shoe be on the other foot

Bundlesofchocforme · 26/09/2022 15:56

I would let the other parent know of the child’s distress and try to find a way to manage it positively between you and present a united front to the child with lots of positives as well as reassurance.

Original poster

Kasey2879 · 26/09/2022 16:29

Bundlesofchocforme · 26/09/2022 15:56

I would let the other parent know of the child’s distress and try to find a way to manage it positively between you and present a united front to the child with lots of positives as well as reassurance.

He is already breaching the order as he won’t agree to a method of communication, I’ve tried to coparent but he refuses. He had an affair and I applied for a divorce

OP posts:

Original poster

Kasey2879 · 26/09/2022 16:32

Kasey2879 · 26/09/2022 16:29

He is already breaching the order as he won’t agree to a method of communication, I’ve tried to coparent but he refuses. He had an affair and I applied for a divorce

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I will just keep being positive and encouraging and trying my best, I never speak badly of him ever as I know that would be totally inappropriate. I have no feelings of hate towards him, I just want our little girl to be happy and comfortable.

OP posts:

0live · 26/09/2022 16:40

You are not failing as a parent. I assume you doing 99% of the parenting.

He has failed as a parent, not you. He brought this on himself.

Original poster

Kasey2879 · 26/09/2022 17:30

0live · 26/09/2022 16:40

You are not failing as a parent. I assume you doing 99% of the parenting.

He has failed as a parent, not you. He brought this on himself.

Well he was having her 2 nights a week then took me to court for equal shared care then at the hearing said he didn’t want it anymore wanted a bit more time but not that much.

OP posts:

Original poster

Kasey2879 · 26/09/2022 17:31

I’ve tried to communicate through solicitors and he ignores the letters and won’t set up the method of communication that the court has ordered

OP posts:

0live · 27/09/2022 15:39

In your situation Id ask your solicitor exactly what you are required to do for contact. In detail.

If he turns up at your house to collect her and she refuses to go, do you have to drag her out ? Pick her up and carry her kicking and screaming ?

is it your job to physically force her ?

Is he allowed to pick her up and drag her?

Or do you just be in when he's due to arrive and give her her coat. Obviously you don’t have to pack any clothes / school uniform etc as it’s his job to provide everything for her when she stays with him.

How long do you have to wait for him if he’s late?

If he wont communicate with you then what will happen if your DD is at his house and she wants to speak to you? Or if she is ill? What if she wants to come home early ?

id ask the solicitor all this and not be palmed off with vague answers about “ doing your best “.

Isaidnoalready · 27/09/2022 15:47

0live · 27/09/2022 15:39

In your situation Id ask your solicitor exactly what you are required to do for contact. In detail.

If he turns up at your house to collect her and she refuses to go, do you have to drag her out ? Pick her up and carry her kicking and screaming ?

is it your job to physically force her ?

Is he allowed to pick her up and drag her?

Or do you just be in when he's due to arrive and give her her coat. Obviously you don’t have to pack any clothes / school uniform etc as it’s his job to provide everything for her when she stays with him.

How long do you have to wait for him if he’s late?

If he wont communicate with you then what will happen if your DD is at his house and she wants to speak to you? Or if she is ill? What if she wants to come home early ?

id ask the solicitor all this and not be palmed off with vague answers about “ doing your best “.

Absolutely this!

I had a social worker tell me I needed to drag my son to the car then when I said I wasn't doing it again they told me there was no expectations of me doing it 🤔 then they said they were "concerned" that he was refusing to go and seemed "too attached" to me I felt like they were going for parental alienation so I said he collects from school that way I'm hands off he still refused part of the time 🤷‍♀️ultimately he was a six year old he wanted his mom sometimes

Original poster

Kasey2879 · 27/09/2022 16:29

0live · 27/09/2022 15:39

In your situation Id ask your solicitor exactly what you are required to do for contact. In detail.

If he turns up at your house to collect her and she refuses to go, do you have to drag her out ? Pick her up and carry her kicking and screaming ?

is it your job to physically force her ?

Is he allowed to pick her up and drag her?

Or do you just be in when he's due to arrive and give her her coat. Obviously you don’t have to pack any clothes / school uniform etc as it’s his job to provide everything for her when she stays with him.

How long do you have to wait for him if he’s late?

If he wont communicate with you then what will happen if your DD is at his house and she wants to speak to you? Or if she is ill? What if she wants to come home early ?

id ask the solicitor all this and not be palmed off with vague answers about “ doing your best “.

He refuses to do the drop off or pick up and sends his brother and it has to be in a neutral place. I wrote to his solicitor about various things and now they have said they are no longer representing him

I have no way to contact his brother if I’m running late or he is or something happens. My ex has stated I am only allowed to contact him in an emergency. I find his attitude appalling as he had an affair. All of this because I applied for a divorce because of it?

why can’t he put our child’s needs first she’s so young ffs

he promised that he would attend an event at school ( I didn’t go as I just thought he might feel awkward) and he just didn’t bother showing up so she had no one there to support her

what am I meant to do if she’s poorly from school and in turn ends up missing his contact time etc

he is with the woman he had an affair with

shall I set up the parenting app and just use it on my side?

I have left 2 notes in her school bag for him and they were ignored also

OP posts:

forrestgreen · 27/09/2022 18:58

Yep set up the parenting app.
Have you asked the brother for a number to communicate only about drop offs?

Can you share when she goes to dads?
Do everything that court asked you to do.

forrestgreen · 27/09/2022 19:00

And send him the link to the app by text etc
Screenshot the text to prove you sent it.

0live · 27/09/2022 19:07

I’m sorry he is being such a shit person and father, I can see you are angry and frustrated with him. I know it’s very hurtful he treats your child so badly.

However I don’t know the answer to your questions - you need to ask your OWN solicitor not his.

What do you do if your DD doesn’t want to go with her uncle at pick up? What would the court consider is reasonable for you to do ? Are you to persuade her / threaten her / force her ? Or just let him do it ?

What should you do if you think that uncle is aggressive with her ?

What should you do if you are running late - traffic and public transport problems are sometimes unavoidable ?

what do you do if she is sick ?

should you use the app even if he doesn't t ? i assume the point of it is to be able to prove that you told him information eg “ DD won’t be coming today as she is off school with a tummy bug “. Then if his brother turns up and you don’t , it’s not your problem.

Id not leave notes in the school bag as there’s no proof that you sent them.

I understand that you are upset that he’s with his affair partner now, but as you know that’s not relevant to your daughters right to have contact with him. Although I can see that could make her less likely to want to go, if AP is there and she doesn’t like her.

Sadly there are many dads who treat their kids like shit in an attempt to get back at their ex. Mine is the same although fortunately my kids are teens so they are not forced to have contact with him - it’s their choice ( and they mostly choose not to see him ).

Original poster

Kasey2879 · 27/09/2022 19:51

0live · 27/09/2022 19:07

I’m sorry he is being such a shit person and father, I can see you are angry and frustrated with him. I know it’s very hurtful he treats your child so badly.

However I don’t know the answer to your questions - you need to ask your OWN solicitor not his.

What do you do if your DD doesn’t want to go with her uncle at pick up? What would the court consider is reasonable for you to do ? Are you to persuade her / threaten her / force her ? Or just let him do it ?

What should you do if you think that uncle is aggressive with her ?

What should you do if you are running late - traffic and public transport problems are sometimes unavoidable ?

what do you do if she is sick ?

should you use the app even if he doesn't t ? i assume the point of it is to be able to prove that you told him information eg “ DD won’t be coming today as she is off school with a tummy bug “. Then if his brother turns up and you don’t , it’s not your problem.

Id not leave notes in the school bag as there’s no proof that you sent them.

I understand that you are upset that he’s with his affair partner now, but as you know that’s not relevant to your daughters right to have contact with him. Although I can see that could make her less likely to want to go, if AP is there and she doesn’t like her.

Sadly there are many dads who treat their kids like shit in an attempt to get back at their ex. Mine is the same although fortunately my kids are teens so they are not forced to have contact with him - it’s their choice ( and they mostly choose not to see him ).

Could I pm you? I’m worried if I write anymore on the forum I could be identified x

OP posts:

Doesn’t want to go

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