HELP! How to introduce my terrible two to the new baby?!

[MrsRose2018]

Hi

I’m due end of December by which time my Son will be 2 1/2. He’s an astonishingly kind, loving and friendly little boy but is also going through a bit of a rough patch developmentally, mainly since starting toddlers/nursery a few months ago!

He throws multiple tantrums, sometimes demonstrating unkind behaviour (hitting/pulling hair/biting and generally being very upset and emotional especially if he doesn’t get his own way. I guess standard toddler stuff?

In partnership with his nursery we are rigorously working on all of the above however I am starting to get very anxious about the new baby arriving.

I had planned on just winging introducing him to his new brother and just making sure to not force the situation and just make sure he knows he’s still unconditionally adored by us and nothing can change that but I think I just need to put a bit more thought into it.

Does anyone have any advice or tips on how to make the transition easier?

TIA x

I have a 2 year old DD who is an absolute sweetheart - but still has tantrums, kicks, hits, doesn't listen, says no for the sake of it etc that's normal behaviour at this age! I have prepped her for our new arrival by: reading some books about mummy's tummy baby, getting her to talk to the new sister in my tummy with Daddy, stepping back a lot from some routine stuff like bath/stories/bed/soft play Saturdays etc to strengthen her bond with her Daddy, putting up Moses basket/bedside crib/baby gym/swing chair early to get her used to them being out and explaining that it's where we will put the baby while we do Big Sister fun stuff! In terms of introducing them, from what I've read it's important to have the baby in a car seat or Moses basket rather than your arms and let toddler come to you for cuddles and a big fuss before showing them the baby.

The baby gave her big sister a scooter, double win as she needed a new one as she loved zipping around and dh took her out loads on it while I was healing/feeding/sleeping.

Gift from the new baby, and let DS choose something for the baby as well.

Introduce them in a neutral space, not your arms.

Ask the baby to wait sometimes because you're just doing something with DS. It's important he hears you asking the baby to wait as well, because there will be undoubtedly be times you ask him to wait while you're changing/feeding the baby.

Tell the baby within DS's earshot how lucky they are to have a brother like him.

If DS wants to let him help with bringing nappies/wipes/muslins etc if he likes to have jobs, but don't force it- you don't want to make him feel like he has to do things

Have special mummy-DS time for ten uninterrupted minutes a day when the baby can be with dad, no phones, just doing whatever DS wants to do with you and really engaging with him.

You’re overthinking this a little. He’s 2, he won’t remember a time without a sibling. I would keep his routine, if you read a book to him every night for example keep trying to do that. Tell him off as you usually would.
Have you talked about the baby in everyday life?

My top tip if you are breastfeeding is to keep a "treat" drawer/ box etc close by. Mine had boxes of raisins, books, a rubix cube, some string etc. Then you can use breastfeeding time to chat/ read / hand out snacks.

My DS used to be delighted when his sister was hungry because then he got to choose things from the drawer.

It was recommended to me that I had the baby in the cot when he came into the hospital room, so that I could give him lots of cuddles and focus on him. He was much more excited to see me than the baby. Then we had a big present for him from the baby. Once we were home I made sure I had fun things for him to do while I was feeding the baby. We also went to the soft play cafe a lot, where he could play safely not to far from me. Make time for one to one time every day, ideally when the baby is with your partner because if you do it in nap time then it is ruined if the baby wakes unexpectedly.