How to not stress over baby sleep?

[Holsmum0987]

My little girl is 7 and a half months old, and growing out of the 3 nap day... but not yet able to stay awake long enough for a 2 nap day.
I am generally anxious and manage it through being organised so that I feel in control - but obviously babies don't much care for organisation! I struggled with depression for the first almost 6 months and only really calmed down and began to enjoy once we'd settled into a routine, around when she settled into 3 naps a day. I can feel the anxiety/stress/pressure/upset building in me because the routine is out of the window during this period of change - I know that everything will change constantly as she does, and so wondered if anyone had any advice about relaxing over babies sleep.

I'm obsessed with wake windows and 'what-if', I know it isn't healthy, but I don't know how else to be, and I'm scared of dropping the ball and negatively impacting all of our sleep.

Help and advice MUCH appreciated

The baby sleep is a red herring, the issue isn't her sleep, it's your anxiety. If it wasn't sleep, it would be something else - eating, crawling, nursery, etc etc. Can you speak to your GP?

Agree with the pp, ideally you need to take action to help your anxiety because there’s always going to be something with kids. Like you say they change constantly and you can’t be fully in control. They change sleep patterns, eating preferences, feeds, behaviours…. I don’t particularly suffer with anxiety myself but with my first dc I would definitely get very wound up if they didn’t nap when they ‘should’ or they refused a nap etc…. Ultimately the only thing you end up doing is stressing yourself out. I know it’s easier said than done but you just have to take a deep breath and let it go. A new nap pattern will emerge. As long as you’re providing calm opportunities for them to nap that’s all you can do. Go with the flow as much as you can.

Recommend following Anna Mathur on Instagram and reading her book ‘Mind over Mother’.

I'm not sure what to advise except just try to find ways to relax regarding wake windows and strict routines. Let it go. Babies sleep patterns change a lot and will become more challenging soon when they start to crawl and walk - big milestones coming up that will impact sleep. You need to find a way to manage your anxiety and chill out about routines.

Lyndsey Hookway has good advice re sleep if you follow on Instagram

Try following Lynsday Hookway or reading her book. It sounds like you've been reading some of the "sleep experts" that are trying to extort money out of you through fear of getting it wrong.

Or could it be postnatal depression/anxiety? It might help to have a word with your GP?

Do you have any mum friends with babies of a similar age? I realise that could contribute to the problem if they all have unicorn perfectly sleeping babies...but often that is not the case and you'll find other mums whose babies don't always sleep perfectly and commiserate with them.

In terms of accommodating two naps, have you tried bringing LO's bedtime forwards?

Congrats op and think it can happen that anxiety can build up post baby so maybe good to visit your gp.
I have 3dc and did stress re naps at times but that was because for two their sleep was awful anyway so lack of naps , too much day sleep , over tiredness meant i could be up all night…so it was really difficult to relax re naps. I also exclusively breastfed so naps and sleeps were all tied up with feeds and dropping them etc so it was stressful.
Does your baby sleep badly at night ? If not why are you stressing about it ? Things change constantly with babies and toddlers re sleep ;teething , illness , they get mobile and try and climb out , stand up when you put them to bed repeatedly etc etc so even though it’s easy to say you really won’t be able to control all these outside factors just more how you deal with them.

Just to say you’re not alone and I don’t think your worries necessarily require a trip to the GP.

I am also trying to transition my baby to 2 naps and it’s stressful for me too. For instance, if she only has 30 mins in the morning I know she’ll need 3 naps or if she falls asleep on the way home from somewhere at, say 1pm, I know there isn’t time for another nap and that she’ll be awake too long before bed time so it does make me anxious about the night ahead!

Its such hard work trying to get it all right and I absolutely feel your pain.

I’m hoping that once she can crawl she’ll be more tired and take 2 long naps!

My husband keeps dangling the carrot that when she can crawl she'll be physically tired and that might help... and it might actually help with settling into a sleep routine that let's us all be well rested, fingers crossed!

But it is also absolutely true that I need to find a way to manage the anxiety more effectively - I've used excessive organisation for the last 8 years but that isn't a viable solution anymore and I do see that. I've seen the GP and at the moment I'm declining medication as what I've previously tried for anxiety hasn't sat well with me.

I think actually just putting the concerns out there, and hearing advice, suggestions, and just from others in the same boat, is really helpful. Having others reassure you that there isn't a 'right and wrong' and share how different all babies are is lovely, thanks everyone

I don't know if this is helpful or harmful but the crawling might not help, unfortunately D:

sarahockwell-smith.com/2017/07/24/the-rollercoaster-of-real-baby-sleep/

www.facebook.com/LyndseyHookway/posts/493261639471494

www.facebook.com/LyndseyHookway/posts/490128336451491

Here are some posts Iäve found helpful.

I understand completely OP, sleep has been a major source of anxiety for me since DS was born 6 months ago. I had heard all the tropes around baby sleep, but I had no idea how hard it was to get some babies to sleep, and we have a baby who needs all the support (feeding, rocking, etc) and wakes up every 1-2 hours at night despite having a solid bedtime routine, regular naps, etc. I too find myself obsessing over wake windows and nap lengths, and feeling guilty if we have a 'bad' day or night of sleep.

So no advice really, other than solidarity that you're not alone.

Just to add... My DS is a fast mover (literally, I need eyes in the back of my head) and has just started crawling. If anything I would say his sleep has worsened since he's been learning to crawl, which I understand is totally normal since infant sleep can be disrupted by big developmental changes. So your DH is a little misguided there, but my DP makes similar comments (e.g. if we keep him awake longer he'll sleep better 🤨).

I can be like this, it was worse when DD was your child's age. I'd get so anxious about sleep.

I'm sorry I don't particularly have any advice, except you aren't alone in feeling like this and for me at least, it eased as she got older. She only has 1 nap now and occasionally it goes out the window, the other week she only slept 20 minutes all day!

I just take a deep breath and say, let's do our best at bedtime, she will be ok. It isn't everyday, it's just today.

I found that crawling & walking made sleep worse too... just to warn you and as others have said. So you need to try and work on that fact that you can't control a baby's sleep/routine. There are many factors that contribute. Once you learn to let go, and go with the flow a bit, you will find it easier.