Have I made a mistake with nursery?

[Mamabear04]

DD is 2.10yo and planning to start her at nursery 2 days a week (probably just 2x half days) come January after her 3rd birthday and the free hours kick in. Up until now she's only ever been looked after by myself, DH and my parents take her 2 days a week. I try my best to get her interaction with other kids and we go to 2x toddler groups a week. I did try to get her a space at a playgroup (one where I would leave) but they only had space the month after DC2 was born and decided against it as she was about to go through such a huge change with her new sibling. We went to have a look at the playgroup and it seemed really lovely, not too big and staff lovely but DD clung to me the entire time and was not happy (this was pre baby arriving). The next week she was so upset when we went to our usual toddler group and struggled to get her in the car. Turns our she thought I was taking her to the playgroup and she didn't want to go. Felt like I'd made the right call until speaking to some other mums who said it would have been a good stepping stone to nursery. Now I feel I've made the wrong call and DD will struggle going to nursery. Really worried. Any words of wisdom? DD is still struggling with the change in the family and don't want to put her in a playgroup for a couple of months only for her to settle and then uproot her for nursery!

That’s rubbish. Playgroup is not a stepping stone into nursery. Keeping your child with you has not done any harm, if anything it would’ve benefitted her, because children want their parents more than they want playgroup staff!

tey not to worry or panic, you’ve done the right thing for your child. I think when people say things like that regarding playgroup it’s to justify putting their children into that playgroup - I’m not saying anything is wrong with playgroup

What's the difference between playgroup and nursery? Is it the child to carer ratio?

I don't think there's anything wrong with having waited. However, I think you might find that your child will settle in quicker if initially they do more (but maybe shorter) days at nursery. With two days a week she might find it hard to get used to it.

Having said that both of.mine took months to settle.in. I think most kids find it hard.

We are in a very similar situation. DD is 2yo and we have a baby due in January. She started nursery for 2x afternoons a week a couple of weeks ago. Prior to that, she's only been looked after by me, dh and grandparents twice a week. We started her a few months before DC2 arrives so she doesn't link it to baby's arrival. She's done surprisingly well settling into nursery so far. I'd say that the playgroup experience isn't going to determine your nursery experience.

The only thing I did wonder about from your post was how long ago was DC2 born? If it was quite recent, I would delay nursery for a bit so she doesn't feel rejection. You mentioned she's still struggling with the transition.

@SunflowerGirl91 that's what I thought which is why I didn't send her 2 months before nursery but then the other mums made me doubt myself!

@TriedAndBested any tips to help DD settle in/help her? Yes, I think it's child to adult ratio - much smaller numbers and smaller setting.

@Alitlebitsleepy I wish I had done this instead! All in hindsight though. DS is now 10 weeks old and will be around 5-6mo when DD starts nursery.

They will always need time to settle in a new environment. No point doing it twice in a short space of time IMO. It’s normal she was upset trying playgroup and you should expect similar when she starts nursery. All being well she’ll adjust quickly and be loving it very soon!

@FlounderingFruitcake thanks for that. I am absolutely dreading her settling in as it's been hard enough watching her struggle with the transition of her new brother and not getting 100% of the attention anymore. I think that's why I put it off and haven't sent her to playgroup!

@Mamabear04 if DC2 will be 5-6 months when DD is going to nursery, she'll probably be fine. There's a long time between now and when she'll be starting nursery. I think it's often said to avoid big changes 6 months before and after baby's birth so you've allowed that time. I'd give up on the playgroup and carry on with your toddler groups like normal. In the lead up to nursery, read her books about nursery. You can always see how you feel about it/ wait to see how DD is coping nearer the time and perhaps push back her start date if you feel it's best. You might find that things feel a bit differently by the time she's due to start though.

I'd agree with others that an extra day could help settling in. Do you know what most of the other children in the nursery do? I ask because we have lots of full timers in my DC nursery (she is 3 days) and I do wonder if she would be better at a nursery or play group with more part time children. I sometimes get the impression that the full timers play together out of habit and she feels a bit left out.

@Dinomummy2 I think that the council nursery I want to send her to do x2 days and every other Friday and then when they get closer to school age they can go school hours. I'm in Scotland though so could be a bit different up here!

@Alitlebitsleepy you're so right. DD changes so much every month. Maybe it 4 months time we'll both feel differently....(hope so!)