Talk to me about getting time back to yourself as kids grow

[NeroliLakes]

Occurred to me this morning how my mornings used to be about getting me ready, whereas now it’s all about getting DD ready and I throw on any old clothes and leave the house looking a wreck.

I WFH full time so thankfully no massive need to look professional, but it’s not great for my self esteem.

DD is in reception but summer baby so just turned 4 and still needs me to do a lot, otherwise we would never leave the house on time!

Talk to me about getting time back to yourself as kids grow up (assuming they don’t have additional needs or anything as I appreciate that massively changes things). I saw my SIL recently (her only child is now 8) and noticed how she’d lost weight and her hair & nails were done really nicely, she looked lovely. It was so nice to see her back to her old self and she just seemed happy and confident in her skin which was lovely to see (she had put on a lot of weight due to PND).

I’m not so much looking for tips like get stuff ready the night before, as I already do all that. More just looking for a bit of light at the end of the tunnel as it all feels hard right now.

As I say my DD is 4 and we’re not planning any more DC.

DSs are 9 and 6 and there’s suddenly a lot more time in the morning. I still have to keep on top of them but today I overslept half an hour which would have been a disaster two years ago (DH was out before 7 to work) but both DSs were dressed with their teeth brushed so it didn’t matter!

I'd say about 6 or 7. In the last couple of years I've started getting hobbies again and being able to get out in the evenings. Get my nails done and that kind of thing. Joined the gym. My dd is 9 and no other kids

OP also has one child.

Apart from a pedicure all the things I mentioned I do are without the baby. I have a very fussy baby who refuses to sit still even when I hold him - I have to walk around with him and rock him. Even when I'm shopping. He won't sit in a pram.
I manage to get a pedicure when I feed him for 30 mins.

A toddler also naps. That's when I would do Pilates/YouTube workout video. Same for make up / fake tan.
Eating healthy so you're happy with your body. Wearing clothes that you like and not be stingy when it comes to 'your' spending.

@PeterRabbitagain 'asleep most of the time?'
How I wish that was the case! He is attached to me 70% of daytime.

And the 3x nighttime feeds when it takes me 1-3 hours afterwards to get back to sleep.

I'm not sure what ages exactly, but I remember feeling really pleased when I finally felt I could nap on the sofa and the kids would be safe, occupy themselves, and know to just wake me if needed. It was a real game changer!

@coldcaff that sounds blissful!

My DCs are 5, 3, and 1. On mornings when I’m on my own with them, I get them set up with breakfast. Then I dash upstairs and get myself ready for work. Teeth brushing is… not as thorough as at night…

I only wear dresses, so I grab one off the rack, throw it on, and don’t need to faff about finding something to match. Likewise earrings - I have about 10 pairs laid out in one place, and know which ones go with which dress, so I don’t need to think about it. Unless I’m on a work trip abroad, then I only ever wear clothes with patterns, so if the baby gets something on my dress while I’m wiping him off it’s not toooo obvious. I’ve got my makeup routine down to under 4 minutes. By then, one of the younger two is usually screaming, but 🤷‍♀️ they will cope for 4 minutes. Quick spritz of perfume, and off we go.

Feeling like I’m presentable is important to me, so I find a way to make it work, but yes… I cut a few corners. I have also developed a thick skin when it comes to the DCs whining for me to come down sooner.

It's amazing! DC2 was late to being independent in the mornings as he hated school until Yr4 so it was always a battle to get him up & ready. Since we moved his school two years ago, he sets his own alarm, gets up & sorts everything out. He needs to be reminded to clean his teeth every single morning but that's it. In the meantime, DC1 is at secondary school does everything for herself including putting the cereal packets back in the cupboard and her dishes in the dishwasher. They're so easy that I've started going to the gym and then straight into work a couple of mornings a week, something I tried when I first went back to work after DC2 was born but abandoned as DH did the same on the other mornings and I just found it impossible to get a 3yo & 1yo up, our & dropped off at nursery and get myself looking presentable and at work on time.
The only issues are if one of them can't find their sports kit but as I always remind them to pack their bags the night before and help out if they can't find something then, I refuse to help hunt things down in the mornings. Nonetheless, I will be calling out suggestions, doing a mental run through of where it might be and ready to hunt if really needed. The other issue is when one of them suddenly remembers in the morning that they need a random item for school that day.

A toddler also naps. That's when I would do Pilates/YouTube workout video. Same for make up / fake tan.
Eating healthy so you're happy with your body. Wearing clothes that you like and not be stingy when it comes to 'your' spending.

@brookln sorry but you sound unbelievably tone deaf the more you post. You have a 12 week old!! It's in no way equivalent or similar to having toddlers or preschoolers. After you've had 2+ years of relentlessness, tantrums, sickness bugs, running around after a toddler, preparing meals, potty training, and cumulative lack of sleep over years, come back to us.

Being attached to you means he's portable. Much easier that the OP's situation

@NeroliLakes my DS is in Year One and it definitely got better in reception because school expected them to put their coats on etc.

We have a peloton which helps- DS gets to watch an episode of paw patrol and I do a 20 min ride. No way I could have done that when he was 2 and needed watching constantly.

A PP have some good advice re clothes. Choose things that fit and suit you.

Make up wise, I wear a BB cream, use a stick blusher and get my eyebrows micro bladed. It means I look polished without much effort or the need for a mirror.

It will happen. I promise.

My two are 12 and 9 now and my involvement with their morning routine is pretty much limited to bellowing at them to hurry up, looking for a missing history book and commenting (for the 4000th time) that if she had put the history book in the handy “school book drawer” then we wouldn’t be looking for it.

Keep pushing to get you little one to do things for themselves, even if it takes longer now. Dressing , getting breakfast etc they will get better but only if you let them learn. Get them to get bag and clothes ready night before . Don't hover , It might mean getting up a bit earlier for a little while to remove stress but will pay off big time

My kids were 4&6 and I really felt like we were just getting out of that super hands on phase. Then we had another baby 😄 and now have a 7 year old which is a new level of hard haha. But at least now I know it’s only 4 years old full on baby years! Roll on 2026!

I like being scruffy so not relating to the personal grooming thing. However, it is nice when they get old enough to leave at home alone. Freedom to get errands done efficiently !!

Well you will have a window where things will improve for a while and you’ll feel you’ve really done well as a parent. Then lo and behold they’ll hit puberty and you’ll realise that parenting teenagers is worse than newborn/ toddler/ primary age combined.

I’ve found since my DD has turned 4/5 that all of that is easier - I can wear nice clothes without worrying (too much) about sticky fingers ruining them, she can get herself ready while I get ready in the morning (still lots of cajoling but I can do that while I do my stuff), life is busy but not manic so I have started taking more time to myself by exercising while DH does bedtime