What age should children say please and thank you

[Itsachickenwrap]

... spontaneously without reminding?

Ds is 4.5 and still needs reminding most of the time, it's driving me crazy!

I don't think he's trying to be rude as will happily say it when prompted but still. It's also not a speech issue as he can talk for England.

Just wondering if it's normal or if we didn't instil it in him early enough so I can do better with DS2!

He asked for a snack earlier and I had to remind him to say please, and explained how important it was.

5 minutes later he just shouted "thirsty!", presumably expecting me to bring him some water. It's really offended me!

Mine have said please and thank you reliably from 2.5ish. I never forced them to say it but I say please and thank you to them constantly so it is just embedded in their communication. If they forget I just model the correct way 'please may I have a drink', sometimes they repeat other times they don't, no fuss either way. It is very rare they forget to anyway.

Mine is 2.5 and does unprompted 80% of the time. She often reminds others. Gets upset with other toddlers lol. But it's because I say thank you and please you to her and others so it's been a natural part of her development.

5 minutes later he just shouted "thirsty!", presumably expecting me to bring him some water. It's really offended me!

You need to stop getting offended by what your children say. A sense of humour is essential, especially as they get older. And for goodness sake teach them to be independent. If one of mine has shouted 'Thirsty' at me at 4.5 I'd made a comment like 'that's very interesting darling, the tap is in the kitchen'.

2 or 3. Train them young. You do still have to remind though.

Mine were good at, say, 3ish, then got worse again. 9 year old now remembers 80% of the time, 5 year old only about half the time. He was much better 2 years ago.

As soon as they start talking they are capable. I look after 2 year olds, we have a rule that please and thank you are expected.
It doesn’t matter if you have to keep reminding, the important thing is to do it.

Yes to mine were 100% at 3, backslid until about 5, and are now about 90% at 6 and pretty much always at 9. Much better with strangers than at home too.

Just move to a country that doesn't require these niceties. Job's a good'un.

@TooMuchBureaucracy what unicorn countries are these? They sound great!

Exactly this for my kids - 4 year old needs some reminders but the almost 2 year old is ON IT! Perks of being a younger sibling I guess.

Mine is 23m old and says it - mostly unprompted but sometimes with a visual reminder (makaton).

Did aged 9 still needs reminding sometimes, although she remembers when she's with other adults or when it's something really important to her!

Israel is the one I know. The please and thank you is implied in the tone of voice.

It's a very direct language anyway (Hebrew). Not many superfluous words (obviously they have words for please and thank you but more generally).

DD is 2 and does it unprompted about 75% of the time, and luckily, the times she doesn't do it herself are when we're at home, when out and about she mostly knows to say please and thank you for things

Our DS has done it since about aged 3. All kids are different though.

We prompted please and thank you as soon as she could speak, and DD has been doing it unprompted from about 22m. Started out as "peas" and "shankoooo" and is now much closer to the real deal!

Mine were all about 3 or 3 1/2. I would offer a drink then hold it out to them but keep hold until they said thank you from about 2 years. If they demanded and shouted I told them Mummy only hears when they say please. I was firm and consistent on this as was DH.

It became standard as much as any other word in our home as soon as a child began to talk. Just like they know to say hello when they greet people, they also know to say please and thank you when requesting or being given things.

As adults we probably said those words more than any other in our house so our 3 kids are all extremely polite and haven't needed much prompting past their initial stages of learning conversation. They're teens now and on the odd occasion they don't thank DH or I handing them things for example, they know what The Look means and quickly apologise and thank us. Same goes for anyone else in the houses including siblings. Even I have been given The Look by my teens once in a while for forgetting.

My 3 year old daughter has always said it, from as soon as she could taught.

My nearly 6 year old son never says it unprompted.

Eldest was about 3, is now 5 and never needs prompting for thank you, occasionally does for please. Youngest is trying to say thank you at 18 months but pronunciation isn’t great 😂 He hasn’t said please yet.

DS has been taught to say please and thank you since he could talk.
He's not 4 yet and I can't remember the last time I had to remind him. If he does forget a raised eyebrow usually suffices. Does everyone in your house say please and thank you every time? They need it consistently modelled, and I've noticed fewer adults seen to say it regularly.

My son is the same age and has to be reminded about half the time. My 11 year old still needs to be reminded sometimes.