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2 under 2, struggling so much
5

Sunshine1996 · 22/09/2022 18:41

5 months into 2 under 2 (16 months apart) and my mental health is struggling massively. DS is now 5 months and other than normal fussy/tired periods is a happy little boy. Adore my DD but she is and has been since a newborn very dramatic. Very lucky that both sleep through however I find the days chaos.
DD cannot stand her little brother which makes me feel huge guilt 😞
I have tried having special days just us two. Spend time while DS naps reading to her which she loves and doing activities. But when DS is awake she shoves him away and won’t be anywhere near him and cannot stand me being near him. She has also started having huge tantrums which result in her slapping me when not getting her own way for example wanting to get out of her pushchair when we are at the train station about to board the train, wanting a certain food but me not having it.
I love DD to bits and I’m so worried that she will never adjust to having a little brother and I’ve made her unhappy 😞 my heart breaks because I love them both so much but feel like I don’t have enough time for them both. And also feel so exhausted myself and feel like I never get to relax during the day.

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Queuesarasarah · 22/09/2022 18:47

I’m years on from this stage but my best words of wisdom are that it is objectively really, really hard. It’s an ultra marathon or climbing Mount Everest kind of thing. It doesn’t make it any easier but knowing that it’s absolutely not you or anything you are doing wrong it is just enormously difficult hopefully will make it less upsetting.

You are an incredible woman and you are doing this hard, hard thing. Tell yourself everyday that you are surviving and that is bloody impressive.

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Pumpkinsnearlyready · 22/09/2022 18:53

Ime doing stuff all together will reinforce he is going nowhere!!
Incentives to being the oldest if she understands that always works well!
1 to 1 time can at times remind her how great it is without him around!! Finding a balance is vital.
Can she help? Fetching nappies and having Important Jobs is a booster!
I have had 4 lots of very close gaps!
Letting a dc 'help 'with bath time and watching him pull the plug out on the lounge floor was testing.... 😱

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SweetLittlePixie · 22/09/2022 19:36

Mine are 6 and 8 now and they are both wonderful together. It gets better! Just keep telling yourself it gets better.
for me things turned around when the little one was 3. So unfortunately you still have a bit of a struggle ahead of you. But it wont last forever.

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Lottsbiffandsmudge · 22/09/2022 19:42

I had 3 under 3. Its hard. But she will come round. I agree that getting her to help out with her DB is a good idea.
Also the slapping etc needs dealing with. Naughty step or whatever you use.
Lots of positive praise when she does help out or act kindly.
I had NO time in the day except when they napped after lunch. And then I was doing jobs. I hung onto my evenings!
Mine are now 18,17 and 15. I no longer have my evenings but I have the days back!
It's usual.to be overwhelmed abd physically exhausted. Do you go to groups? I found those a life saver. Eldest was entertained and I could sit in a daze with the baby!!!

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HiScore · 22/09/2022 20:55

You can and will get through this 💪🏼 I have two with a 23 month age gap and it's honestly the hardest thing I've ever done going from 1-2 children, but since my youngest started walking it got much easier.

I started playing netball one night a week when my youngest was 6 months once they were in bed and honestly it was the thing I needed. A change of scenery and chatting to adults, is there an evening club or activity you could do?

With a 3 year old (4 next month) and a 2 year old it's paying off now to see them play together and having a beautiful relationship. Remember why you chose a small age gap - the benefits should start paying off soon Flowers

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